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"How do you react to ‘Why? Are you jealous?’ …when you’re not really jealous?"

- Question submitted by thecoolcucumber

Dannielle Says:

I’ve always wondered the SAME THING because pretty much nothing makes me jealous, but if I say I’m not jealous people automatically assume I am and I’m being defensive… it’s so weird.

I have now defaulted to say YES I AM JEALOUS KISS ME – if it’s in a luv situation- or just laughing – if it is not a luv situation.

Also, you guys. I have this problem with a lot of feelings. People always think I’m feeling something that I’m completely not feeling at all. And for some reason, simply saying “I’m not mad” or “I’m not upset” or “No, I promise, I don’t care” infuriates the general public… It’s like because I don’t feel something the same way another person feels it, I am THE WORST.

I’ve found, through years of making people angry, you just have to keep being honest. I don’t know if this is just your boo trying to get you to say you’re jealous so you can have a jealous-fake-mad-make-out-sesh or if it’s ACTUALLY about feeling like your feels are invalid. BUT I AM HERE TO TELL YOU THEY ARE NOT. The fact that you don’t feel jealousy/anger/frustration or whatever as often and as hard as other people does not mean your feels are invalid. They are real and they are you. As long as you’re being honest when you DO feel something, you’re doing all the right things.

Kristin Says:

I agree with Dannielle, and I think that this is a situation where your consistency and honesty will win the race. If you are asking your boo or your friend about a person or a thing and they decide to lay over the feelings they think you have, then all you can do is remain calm and explain the reason for your queries.

If they persist and continue to insist that you aren’t being honest, explain that a relationship (ANY kind of relationship) is built on many foundational elements… trust being one of the BIGGEST. Tell your boo/friend that their insistence that you are lying hurts your feelings, because it makes you feel like they do not trust you, or think that you are being honest. Say again how you actually feel, ensure them that if you are feeling jealous you will share that with them fully, and ask them to please trust in what you are telling them.

It is hard for most of us to understand feelings that don’t align with our own — and Dannielle is right, this is probably where your boo/friend is coming from. They likely understand jealousy in a particular way, and they know how they would behave if they felt jealous. Since this is the only thing they have to go on, they are making assumptions about your behavior.

State again how you truly feel. Ask for respect and trust.
You deserve that, and you cannot have a relationship without it.

Also, I now want to call someone my boo-friend.


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