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"Getting used to college is HARD. I feel so lonely and sad, I miss my friends and family, and I’m scared of the future. How can I loosen up and enjoy myself, without worrying so much and always feeling on the brink of tears??? Your guidance is much appreciated…"

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

I wish I had one million pieces of good advice, but the fact of the matter is, it just sucks for a while. Going to college, moving to a new city, being single for the first time, starting a new job, any huge change like this requires time, space, and a ton of deep breathing.

You guys, I’m gonna get real for a second. I just moved to Los Angeles, and it’s a weird adjustment. It has been, in all honesty, the easiest transition I’ve made (I move a lot). I feel great career wise, I love the city, I feel like I fit here, I love my apartment, and I have some amazing people here. I mean incredible people, good friends, I’ve made new friends, I have a routine, I feel awesome. But fuck if I’m not more lonely than I’ve ever been in my life.

I don’t know why. I can’t explain it. On the one hand, I feel so happy and so lucky and so excited. On the other hand, I feel so sad, and scared and alone. I feel like my best friend in the entire world is thousands of miles away. I feel like my business partner, who quite literally owns half of my entire heart sounds even farther away on the phone. I feel like I want to flop on my roommate’s bed and talk about our stupid girl troubles. I just feel small. What’s more, I feel like there’s no one I can talk to, like, no one gets it. I feel like if I were in my apartment with a broken heart, laying on my floor, crying, I wouldn’t know who to call. I feel overwhelmed and crazy. I wish I knew how to fix it, but I just don’t.  I’m really trying too, I swear I am, I’m just not there yet.

But I will, just like you will. We will get there. It will take time and patience and pushing through and we will have to be strong as fuck, but we will get there.

Kristin Says:

You guyyyyys. Dannielle just made me cry EVERYONE COME HUG ME AND DON’T EVER FEEL LONELY.

Phewf.

In all seriousness, and like Dannielle pretty much communicated, there is no instant fix for making the transition to new surroundings, new people, new everything. Missing is a very powerful emotion, and it’s the kind of thing that feeds into itself — you miss your family and friends and feel sad and they aren’t there to comfort you so you miss them more and it just grows and sits heavy in your heart. It’s hard.

However, it is an integral part of moving into a new phase in your life, and other things are also possible (and probable). Know that you can miss your home and the people you love. That missing will start strong and raw, and come in long bursts of sad. It will start to shift over time though, and get a little softer, leave you a little sooner. As that happens, you’ll start to see things around you in a bit of a different light, or you will just begin to start to see the things you didn’t see at all before.

As for your future, specifically… well, of course you will wonder and worry, but I can tell you one thing certainly: not one single ounce of planning or worrying or forecasting would have ever led me to where I am today. I’ve had dozens of jobs and experiences since that very first semester at college, and the thing that I pulled most on was the resiliency that I learned from being away from my home — from being on my own.

I think that the only answer here is to push forward as much as you can, and to be patient, and to give things a chance. Feel that missing, feel a bit of worry, but go to parties, introduce yourself to hall mates, join a club or two, and stick it out for at least a year before making your final assessment. So, so much can happen in that space of time.

<3<3<3

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