"Hello~ How do I avoid having fluid sexuality? I want a solid sexuality. I tend to identify more as lesbian (teehee!) but I sometimes think I’m just going through a phase! Guys really just don’t cut it for me! Thank you so much for reading, your blog is so helpful and cute. ♥♥♥"
- Question submitted by Anonymous
Dannielle Says:
LOL. THOSE HEARTS. I dunno, I think the only way to “avoid having fluid sexuality” is to embrace the fact that your feelings may change but RIGHT NOW you are [INSERT LABEL HERE].
I don’t believe a thing can be a ‘phase’ because even if you only fall in love with someone for four months, your attraction to that human isn’t a ‘phase’ it was something that happened and it was meaningful and real.
So, call yourself whatever you want. Claim your identity, scream it from the rooftops, get a tattoo, get some t-shirts and magnets and what not. Be that thing. Be the thing you say you are… and if that changes embrace the shit out of it. Who cares that you may fall for someone or be into someone who doesn’t fit into the tiny box of people you say you’re attracted to?? WHO CARES. Do you. Identify as you’d like for now and if your feelings and attractions change over time, identify with another word that fits you a little better.
Kristin Says:
So basically what we are saying here is ‘the way you can avoid having a fluid sexuality is by being solid in the fact that your sexuality my be fluid.’
THIS IS WHY PEOPLE MUST LOVE OUR ADVICE…
In all honesty, though, you can’t tell your sexuality what it can or cannot be. I love that you are a a Teehee Lesbian, and Teehee Lesbians are fantastic and that could very well be what you are forever and ever and ever, amen (teehee). However, living your life in fear that you may shift or change in someway that impacts that identity is not good for your insides. I promise.
I’ve said this before, but I spent many a year terrified that I would have feelings for a boy and then my whole identity would be undone… but YOU GUYS… that’s just not true. My identity is my identity and the only thing I was doing by being so afraid was stifling the very identity itself!
Do what Dannielle says: be who you are right now. Own it. Solidly. Surround yourself with people who understand that SHIT IS COMPLEX and WE ARE WHO WE ARE (so, someone like Ke$ha I guess?), so that you can feel even stronger in being you. This bullshit about people not being accepted in communities because they aren’t a “REAL” queer person or because their identities or feelings have shifted over time?! Over. It.
Moral: You be you, don’t be afraid of change or shifts because, I will tell you what… whatever is gonna happen is gonna happen, no matter what you try to avoid. That’s just life. <3
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“Thoughts on the Pee-gasm? I've heard of this like when my friend was about to make this girl ____ she peed on her face. This is a really weird question but I am scared to do this to someone. Should I be concerned?”
- Question submitted by Anonymous
Dannielle Says:
My first instinct is to scream and cry into kristin’s arms.
In fact, that is literally what just happened.
HOWEVER BEING THE LESBIAN ADVICE GURU THAT I AM I MUST TELL YOU THAT ALL PEOPLE ARE INTO DIFFERENT THINGS AND THIS IS A THING. Pee-gasm is literally the most revolting term I’ve ever heard in my life. Let’s start there, don’t say that, outloud ever again…around me.
I had two friends (who are totally happy and still together after five years) who peed on each other and told me about it and I screamed like a girl and yelled ‘whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!?!?!?’ They explained it was this “totally hot domination thing”… Whatever, you guys do what you want, I’m not here to judge. I am here to say that if you, anonymous, ever get me into bed and we’re getting frisky and you pull your panties down and start to pee on my face, I will literally vomit.
So, we should never sleep together. HOWEVER, there are millions of people all over the world that can’t fucking wait to get your urine on their forehead. This is where the good ole fashioned ‘talk about it’ comes into play. Simply say ‘I’m really into you, and I really wanna make this fun, what kind of things are you into?’ if your boo is like “i’m into anything, i’m kinky as fuck” then you can say “have you ever heard of a pee-gasm” and if she’s into it she’ll be like ‘oh fuck yea’ and if she’s not into it she’ll laugh and be like ‘haha sick, is that what i think it is?!’ and then you’ll laugh too and be like ‘right!??!’ and play it off like you were totally kidding… If you are in bed with me and you say this, after i told you not to say it, you’re going out on the street and i’m keeping your Tegan&Sara hoodie.
Kristin Says:
So, Dannielle and I both thought that this question meant that you wanted to pee on someone’s face. Then one of my friends was like, ‘Noooo, she means what if she accidentally pees while having an orgasm.’ But I never told Dannielle, and then she answered it kinky-style, and then I was like, “HAHAHAHA DANNIELLE THAT ISN’T WHAT SHE MEANT,’ and then Dannielle was like, ‘NOW I FEEL DUMB,’ and then I told her I would tell the internet that she wasn’t dumb. So.
If you wanted to be kinky and pee on a girls face, Anonymous, then you can see Dannielle’s advice above. If you are worried you will pee when you orgasm, and you don’t want that to happen…then here are my thoughts:
Have a lot of self-induced orgasms. Pay attention to how they make your body feel, and when you are hooking up with a lady, see if your body is responding in similar ways. If the feelings are similar to what you are familiar with from your snag-the-vibrator-out-of-the-nightstand times, then be confident that you won’t pee all over everything. If you feel differently, take it slow. Obviously, having someone’s mouth on your ay-oh is going to bring some different body-feelings. Maybe you will be a little nervous and you won’t have an orgasm the first time:: that is totally okay! If your girl has gone down on you a few times and she’s like, ‘Baby, what should I do differently?’ …Just be honest! Say, ‘Ughhh, well, it fucking feels amazing, but a friend of mine told me this AWFUL story about how she accidentally peed on someone when she had an orgasm like this, and so now I keep THINKING ABOUT IT.’ Your boo will be like, ‘OH NO SHE DIDN’T!’ And then you will both laugh about it, and she will tell you not to worry, and you can feel more comfortable letting go and letting her make you scream.
If you accidentally pee when you have an orgasm, it is not the end of the fucking world. We all have bodies, and they all do some pretty interesting and complex things. If you are boning someone who you aren’t all hearts and puppies over, then just be matter-of-fact about it. Say, ‘holy shit, that has never happened to me before, I am so sorry!’ Then help her clean up and tell her she can pee on your face if she is angry. Then you will both laugh and it will be FINE. If you are boning someone who you love, then just talk to her and tell her that you aren’t sure why that happened, and you’d like to figure out a way to have an orgasm without peeing…and you can work it out. Sex is sex and it comes with fluids. Everyone CALM DOWN. And, Dannielle, STOP CRYING.
“I'm a 21-year-old female student and have feelings for another girl, really strong feelings that are far beyond friendship. But I don't want to be lesbian, I want these feelings to go away! I'm so desperate. What should I do now?”
-Question submitted by Anonymous
Dannielle Says:
You know when you go out against your will and you’re like ‘ugh, i really don’t wanna be out right now, i HATE dancing, i don’t like these people THAT much, drunk girls are dumb, i have homework to do, my head hurts and i just wanna be asleep’ AND THEN… your mothereffingJAM comes on (probably SINCE U BEEN GONE) and all of sudden your left arm goes up in the air, your jaw drops to the floor, your eyes get the size or grapefruits, the upper half of your body leans back, and in no time you’re doing this weird crab dance b/c you don’t GIVE A FUCK WHAT PEOPLE THINK B/C IT’S YOUR FUCKING JAM THIS IS KELLY WHY DOES NO ONE UNDERSTAND!?!??!!
Well, this is a lot like your life right now. I mean, let’s be real, this is a lot like everyone’s life before they figure themselves out. You’re going to feel these feelings again. If you decide ‘NO I DON’T WANT TO DANCE’ and you leave the bar, no matter where you go… SINCE U BEEN GONE is going to play again before your life is over. It’s going to play more than once, and eventually you’re going to jam the fuck out.
You can’t help how you feel, 21yearoldfemalestudent, but you CAN help what you do about it. You can try and suppress your feelings all you want, but they’re going to come back. The longer you try and pretend your feelings aren’t there, the harder they’re going to be to deal with.
Also. Why would you deny yourself the opportunity to love someone? Love is the most beautiful, fascinating, breathtaking, mind-blowing, nerve-wracking, nail-biting, wonderful experiences that life has to offer. Don’t pass it up just because you’re scared. Fear vs. Love, y’all.
btw. i’m totally going to start referring to ‘boning’ as ‘jamming out’
Kristin Says:
If anyone has ever wondered why Dannielle and I work so well together, it is because that is literally exactly what happens to my body when Kelly Clarkson plays. #shegetsme
In other news, yes, figuring out that you may be gay is a lot to handle. You have probably always seen your life a certain way…maybe a husband, a few kids, a couple of houses and an indoor swimming pool. I am not sure how that imaginary life looked, but since it is imaginary, I’m really hoping you included the indoor swimming pool. The hard truth of it all is that it was only imaginary. You cannot know what your life is going to look like before you live it, and so the only advice we can give to you is to stop fighting those feelings, and start trying to accept them.
You may fall in love with a woman who then cheats on you with a married woman whose husband takes solace in your understanding, so then you start boning the scorned husband and accidentally get pregnant and you keep the baby, but you resent the ex-husband so you leave him and move to a farm where you meet the woman of your dreams, and you raise your baby and adopt a dog and grow tomatoes and buy a swing for your porch.
Stop trying to figure out where to put the swing on your imaginary porch, and start at the part where you follow your feelings and kiss that first girl. The rest will follow, and there is no stopping any of it. Try to find people who can help you adjust to these new feelings, but don’t bury them. Take it one day at a time, and send us an email when you kiss that girl and are like, “HOLY BALLS I AM STILL NOT TOTALLY SURE I CAN DO THIS BUT WHEN DO I GET TO TAKE HER CLOTHES OFF?!?!”
Episode 8
September 16, 2010: WEBCAST EIGHT! WEBCAST EIGHT! GREAT GREAT WEBCAST EIGHT! Signed, the cheerleader version of Dannielle and Kristin 1. What are some ways to get over an ex without rebounding? 2. I'm not gay, but I accidentally led on a gay waiter at my favorite restaurant.
“So, I have this friend who claims to not be a whore. She claims to have only made the sex with one guy. HOWEVER, she goes to parties and makes out with multiple guys and girls, and sucks dick like no other, but when someone calls her a whore, she simply says "I HAVE ONLY BEEN WITH ONE BOY EVER". How do I explain to her that she's a slut without her slitting my throat while I sleep?”
-Question submitted by Anonymous
Dannielle Says:
I mean… why do you want to tell your friend she’s a whore so badly?!?!?!
I have slutty friends, but I never have a desire to be like “you know you’re a slut, right?” … You guys, it’s her life, she can slut-it-up with whoever she wants. BESIDES she HAS only had boner-bones with one boy. So, if someone is asking her how many boys she’s had boner-bones with she can say ‘one’ all she wants.
People rarely list the number of mindless hook-ups they’ve had. Everyone has a phase where they bone/touch/makeout with a ton of people bc we are all young and dumb at some point and we want to feel liberated. It makes absolutely no sense, but that’s why I say “WHOREmones” instead of “Hormones”
You shouldn’t be judging her, especially if she’s your friend. You can totally be like ‘i mean, you’re sort of a slut’ in a jokey way and when she denies it, be like, ‘yOU GIVE BJs TO EVERYTHING!’ if you guys are on joking-about-BJs-is-okay terms. But if not, get over it. It’s not a big deal.
AS LONG AS SHE’S BEING SAFE AND NOT GETTING PREGS AND DISEASES.
Kristin Says:
Here’s the thing. If your friend is like, “I just don’t understand why people keep mouthing ‘YOU ARE A WHORE’ across the lunchroom at me,” then you should sit her down and explain that dancing naked around the football field may not be SEX, but it is still going to garner her a reputation. If you are her friend, you’ll tell her kindly.
If, on the other hand, you just want to tell her that she’s a whore because she always gets attention and it drives you nuts, you need to take a step back from the BJ-Queen and take a look at the real situation…which is that you may just disapprove of her choices. You disapproving of her choices does NOT mean that those choices are wrong. You need to decide whether you want to remain her friend, or if you simply can’t look past her behavior.
Either way, the last thing she needs is more judgement.
