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"How do I make all of my dreams come true?"

-Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle & Kristin Say:

Allow yourself to fail, don’t put shit on the back burner, ask for help, & keep dreaming. Here’s what we mean:

(1) Allow yourself to fail, because it happens. No one just comes up with a dream and then flies into the sky on a giant dog muppet and gets everything they want. It takes a ton of hard work, a bunch of mistakes you’ve got to learn from, and a crap load of pulling-yourself-up-by-the-bootstraps. But you can do it.

(2) Don’t put shit on the back burner. It’ll be so easy to take a shitty job that pays a little more, but doesn’t allow you the time to do what you love. SO EASY.  Don’t do that. Work the shitty low-paying job that gives you a flexible schedule and supports you following your dreams. Money is not more important than your happiness. Dannielle’s dad always says, “If you like making money now, just wait until you’re making it doin’ what you love.”

(3) Ask for help. People want to help you, they just don’t know how. Ask your friends to help you with a project. Ask your family to help support your newest venture. Ask your co-workers to help loosen up your schedule so you can take the time you need. Ask your old professor how they got started. Ask for help. You can not do it alone.

(4) Don’t. Fucking. Stop. Dreaming. We don’t care how many goals you’ve achieved… don’t ever stop dreaming bigger. Dream the biggest shit you can possibly dream. You can do it. We promise you.

09.14.2015
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“Hey, this is quite a general question applicable to many things, but how do you not burn out from activism?”

Question submitted by Anonymous

Kristin Says:

This is quite a general answer but:

You gotta take breaks.
You GOTTA take breaks.
YOU GOTTA TAKE BREAKS.

They can look like this:

Or this:

Or even this:

(If they look like that we should talk about dating in the near future.)

ANYWAY, the bottom line is that you gotta take care of you.

Seriously: Self-care is a critical component of changing the world, so whether that means you take a day, a week, or three years, you gotta take the time you need to feel centered, positive, alert, and ready. The change-making is going to need you when you return, and you’re gonna be refreshed and ready to tackle it once you’ve rested your sweet lil’ activist eyeballs for a bit.

08.18.2015
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"Do you think it is acceptable to make decisions based on gut feelings when the decision at hand is life altering?"

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

More than acceptable, I think it’s necessary. Here’s the thing: when you’re at your happiest / best / coolest / dopest / feelingsist, you know what you want. You know what will make you continue to feel those things. You are FULLY aware. When you ARE NOT feeling super happy and excited and perfect, etc, you have a gut feeling that helps you out.

The idea is that there is always a tiny piece of you that is all-knowing. A tiny piece that knows what you truly want and what will truly make you happy. It’s like, you know when you’re dating someone and there is just a FEELING that something isn’t right, but you ignore it, you continue to date them and it blows and eventually some drama happens and you have “a reason” to break up. You go through the break up and you’re talking to your friends and you’re all “there was always this feeling, I think I always knew it wasn’t the best of the best” and your friends are like, “yea dude don’t ignore those feels.”

Those feels, they are important feels. Technically, every decision we make is life-altering. Think about it logically and then ask your guts and see if those two things align. If you go against your gutty, you will spend the rest of your life wondering how things may have been different. If you go with your gutty, you will know. Intuition is so legit.

Kristin Says:

Yes.

That is my answer as well. Yes, yes, yes.

I have mentioned this before, but when I was little my dad always talked about that ‘gut feeling’ and referred to it as ‘the little man.’ I don’t know why he gendered the voice but that’s another story for another day. What I do know is that that little voice is a fucking all powerful being, and we need to trust it.

We can also have a discussion with it, and pull it apart, and wrestle with it, so long as we are listening.

Let me tell you something else: when you follow your gut feeling, your little voice, your Jiminy Cricket, your WHATEVER, it is also very hard to make a wrong decision. That little voice tends to want to protect you and keep you safe and find you happiness, and even if following it doesn’t land you in exactly the place you’d wished you’d be, you know that you were after something important and that you can continue to keep that important thing as the focus of your actions.

Be warned: that gut-voice-feeling speaks ON ITS OWN. If you are trying to convince yourself that your “gut feeling” is saying to do the thing that you wantto do… if you are forcing the feelilng and you can feel that nag-nag-nag undercutting that feeling… that ain’t your gut feeling. Your gut feeling is the nag, and even if it is telling you something that might scare you, telling you to leave something you love, telling you to take a risk, it is the one to listen to.

So, to recap: Yes. Listen. Always, always listen.

***

Hi! Our advice is always free for all to read & watch. Help us keep this gay ship chuggin’ by donating as little as $1/month over here on Patreon. xo

01.28.2015
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"How do I make all of my dreams come true?"

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle & Kristin Say:

Allow yourself to fail, don’t put shit on the back burner, ask for help, & keep dreaming. Here’s what we mean:

(1) Allow yourself to fail, because it happens. No one just comes up with a dream and then flies into the sky on a giant dog muppet and gets everything they want. It takes a ton of hard work, a bunch of mistakes you’ve got to learn from, and a crap load of pulling-yourself-up-by-the-bootstraps. But you can do it.

(2) Don’t put shit on the back burner. It’ll be so easy to take a shitty job that pays a little more, but doesn’t allow you the time to do what you love. SO EASY.  Don’t do that. Work the shitty low-paying job that gives you a flexible schedule and supports you following your dreams. Money is not more important than your happiness. Dannielle’s dad always says, “If you like making money now, just wait until you’re making it doin’ what you love.”

(3) Ask for help. People want to help you, they just don’t know how. Ask your friends to help you with a project. Ask your family to help support your newest venture. Ask your co-workers to help loosen up your schedule so you can take the time you need. Ask your old professor how they got started. Ask for help. You can not do it alone.

(4) Don’t. Fucking. Stop. Dreaming. We don’t care how many goals you’ve achieved… don’t ever stop dreaming bigger. Dream the biggest shit you can possibly dream. You can do it. We promise you.

***

Hi! Our advice is always free for all to read & watch. Help us keep this gay ship chuggin’ by donating as little as $1/month over here on Patreon. xo

10.20.2014
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"Life tips/words of wisdom for new college grads? *freaks out about the world and the future*"

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

A few things I’ve learned in my 15,000 years on earth.

(1) Middle school does not prepare you for high school
(2) High school does not prepare you for college
(3) College does not prepare you for real life
(4) Nothing prepares you for anything, ever.

Knowing those things might help a little bit, or maybe they’ll add to your freak out WHO KNOWS. Also, I can nearly guarantee that your internal freak outs will continue to happen regardless of how helpful we are… so…

I think you should do what you want to do. Not what you think you’ll want to do in 5 years or 10 years or 25 years. What you want right now. Legitimately, actually, really, truly follow your heart. YOLO, you know? You LITERALLY OLO. I know it sounds cliche and stupid to scream ‘follow your heart’ over and over. But you won’t regret going after the things and people you love. Even if you fail, you didn’t fail. You tried, you fought for what you believed in, you did what was best for you. Now is a great time to travel, try out jobs you don’t know that you’re qualified for, flirt with baristas, eat doritos, and, in general, live life in a way that makes you genuinely happy. Fun tip: being happy now will help you understand what you need to be happy later.

Also, save money. Because something WILL happen that will blow up your shit and you will need at least a tiny savings to fall back on.

Kristin Says:

“You LITERALLY OLO.” – Dannielle Owens-Reid

Goddamn, you guys… when I read this question I got all goose-bumpy thinking about all of your heads out there in the world who are just about to leave the land of college forever and ever. IT’S SUCH A BIG DEAL AND MOMENT AND ALL THE OTHER TYPES OF THINGS. I AM SO PROUD OF ALL OF YOU. HOLY CRAP.

My words o’ wisdom are in three parts (some of which echo Dannielle):

1. Jesus H Christ, Please Save Money. I don’t have many regrets about my life, and in all honesty who can really say what ‘woulda, coulda, shoulda’ been… but I do know that I was very, very careless with my dollars. I waited tables for a long time out of college, and then got an incredibly well paying job at a hedge fund (LOLOL) and in both scenarios I barely saved a dime. I was like “WHEEEE GROWN UP LIFE IS SO GREAT LET’S BUY NICE WINE AND GO ON VACATIONS.” Sure, I had a ton of fun, and I am not telling you to not spend some money on wine and travel if you can… but make a promise to yourself to budget in a savings if it’s possible. Now, those of you who are in the position I was in when I wasn’t waiting tables / at a hedge fund are like HAHA funny joke I won’t even be able to pay for soup let alone save money. That brings me to my next point:

2. Have Patience. There were many years in my post-college life where I would look around me at people who were able to take their creative passions and make money doing what they loved. I knew I was smart and I knew I had good ideas, and I would get SO ANGRY because I wanted to focus on all of those energies and was stuck working jobs that weren’t fulfilling. I wanted to get to a place where I was established IMMEDIATELY, without putting in some of the work that was needed for me to get there. This is why I caution you to have patience. You have no idea how the jobs you have right out of college are going to impact your overall future. Many of the people I worked with through the years helped advise and support the very initial days of Everyone Is Gay. My hedge fund job allowed me to have the funds to get my MA in Gender Studies, which fueled the beginning of this whole organization. My frustration WITH MY JOB is what inspired me to go back to school in the first place. Patience. Patience. Patience.

3. Work Hard. I am going to let you in on a little secret from the other side of post-college life. Many (many) of your peers are not going to put in 100%, and when employers or colleagues or whomever come across a human (hopefully you) who are willing to put in 110%, you become irreplaceable, valuable, and necessary. It seems too easy, but I can promise you that, as someone who has worked alongside a bunch of humans over the past few decades, I consistently find that people are dumbfounded by my work ethic (which is simply, ‘do the work’) and then, because of that, continue to give me better and bigger opportunities. Reach out to organizations and volunteer your time where you can; get as much on the ground experience in the things that you love; work as hard as you can and be consistent. You’ll be amazed at where it gets you over time.

3 1/2. Maintain Balance. I can’t leave you with the note to work hard without underlining the importance of always, always finding time for yourself, for your brain, and for your balance. Find the things and the places that let you re-center, whether that be a spiritual practice, running outdoors, or reading the newspaper for 15 minutes each morning, keep them as a constant in your life.

Holy crap, HAPPY (ALMOST) GRADUATION YOU GUYS!!!
<3<3 *screams* <3<3

05.9.2014
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