“I’m trans and pansexual, and I’ve wanted to be a therapist for a long time. However, last year I outted a loved one to my therapist–just because it was a big part of my life and what brought me and that person closer–and my therapist told my parents. I know that he didn’t have to and that he was breaking rules, because I came out to the therapist I had before him and she was fine. Now, my view on therapy has changed, and I’m afraid to go back, but I know I need it. What do I do?”
- Question submitted by Anonymous
To answer this question, we reached out to our friend Kati Morton, who is an awesome mental health YouTuber, as well as a Licensed Marriage & Family therapist, to say a few words before you get your standard Everyone Is Gay advisement from the lovely Dannielle.
Kati Morton Says:
This is obviously a case of someone not being good at their job, and that definitely sucks, but know that this is the exception not the rule. That is why it is so important to know that you can always switch therapists! If you don’t click with one, or you don’t feel that they “get” you in one way or another, it is perfectly fine to find someone else. In fact it takes most people a few different therapists to find the “right” one. So please get back out there. Don’t let this one bad therapist take away your chance at an invaluable resource.
Unfortunately for all of us, there are really wonderful people and really terrible people in nearly every field. There are straight up MONSTERS that run non-profit companies. There are doctors that mis-diagnose patients with cancer on purpose, so they can make money. There are lawyers that make up stories and evidence to get their undeniably-guilty-clients off the hook. There are cops that use their position of power to commit disgusting acts of racism. There are therapists that out their clients and prescribe sending them off to pray-the-gay-away camps.
Fortunately for all of us, those aren’t the only people in the world. There are people who work tirelessly to make the world a better place. There are doctors who put everything they have into making sure their offices don’t experience even a hint of malpractice. There are lawyers who fight the lawyers who fuck it up for everyone. There are cops who truly do believe in protecting all people and are disgusted by men-in-uniform whom do not comply. There are therapists that would never, in one million years, under any circumstance, share your confidential information.
I think you should find one of those therapists, and if you’re still considering it, I think you should be one of those therapists.
If you have the opportunity to be one of the great people in your field, please do it. Please be the good among the bad. Give people a reason to feel safe. If there is one thing this world needs a lot more of, it’s safe spaces. Safe spaces for all types of people, for all types of reasons. We need good therapists, we need good doctors, we need good cops. We are raised to believe these people are looking out for us. We are brought up to believe these people have our backs. We spend our entire lives seeking out these specific types of people because they have the power to do something we can’t, they are supposed to be on our side. Sometimes they’re not. Sometimes they’re so far from being ‘on our side’ that it’s sickening. Please, please, do not give up your dream – and do not give up therapy – because some people are pieces of shit. Believe that the world is better because you are in it and you will make it better.
And. Trust your intuition. Another thing we’re taught from a young age is that we are wrong. We’re taught this over and over and over, until one day you’re sitting in a room with a therapist and they say to you, “being gay isn’t actually a real feeling, a study was done to prove that it’s because of your abuse as a child, if you don’t remember the abuse, it’s because there is a block on it.” Immediately your guts go “whoa whoa whoa, this doesn’t feel right,” but because we’ve been taught to stop believing in ourselves so early on, you stop that thought process. You stop it and say, “well, my therapist is a professional, they must know what they’re talking about,” and you find yourself in a much worse position because you didn’t trust your own intuition. Your intuition is powerful as fuck. Trust yourself, and do what feels right.
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