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"Hi, I recently went to a Rainbow Youth Night in my local area and saw someone I knew from school. The thing is, they introduced themselves to my friend with a different name than the one they are know by at school(with pronouns they,them). I would love to approach this person and ask which name they'd prefer me using because I'd hate to be calling them something they're not comfortable with, I just don't know what exactly to say. Also I've been working up the courage to ask this person out so.."

-Question submitted by Anonymous

Kristin Says:

Oh this is great, this is just GREAT.

You see, because you have two lovely, totally awesome questions to ask! Here’s how it’s gonna go:

YOU: Hi, I have two important questions to ask you.

THEM: Cool, I love questions.

YOU: What name do you prefer I use for you?

THEM: Oh! Thanks for asking. I would love it if you called me Todd.

YOU: Awesome. So, Todd, would you like to go on a date with me?

THEM: Did Kristin of Everyone Is Gay tell you how to ask me out, because this is SO ROMANTIC. Yes, yes I would. *heart eyes*

BOTH OF YOU: *in love forever*

~ end scene ~


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"There's this girl that I like and I want her to know that I'm interested in getting to know her better. So I though about doing the whole "Hey, wanna get coffee sometime?" thing but I legit HATE coffee and like everything else (tea, Starbucks, you know). What is an acceptable causal meet up place for me and this super cute girl?"

-Question submitted by Anonymous

Kristin Says:

First of all, might I suggest that you begin by saying, “I have wanted to ask you to grab a coffee for awhile now… but I hate coffee. So in the interest of honesty, I was wondering if you’d like to NOT get coffee with me?!”

Then, maybe she will giggle or chortle or nervously tap her foot or roll her eyes. If she rolls her eyes, roll yours back and forget it. No one likes an eye roller. If she does any of the other things or signals in anyway that she’d like this dialogue to continue, then might I suggest:

GETTING ICE CREAM or if you don’t eat dairy GETTING DAIRY FREE ICE CREAM. I think I may have started off too strong with my ideas here, because I cannot think of anything that would be better than an ice cream date. Please stop reading and go ask her to ice cream.

Okay so you either hate ice cream (WHO ARE YOU EVEN) or the only ice cream store in your town is owned and operated by your ex (BUMMMMMER), so here are a few more ideas:

GOING TO A MUSEUM! Museums rule and sometimes they even have exhibits where butterflies land on you or where there are dioramas of moose (mooses?) and stuff. Come on. It will be so fun!

WALKING IN A PARK! SITTING ON A PARK BENCH! SWINGING ON A SWING SET! ANYTHING PARK-Y! Spring is here and even if your city is still a snowy-tundra, having a fun park adventure is almost always a good time. If you time it right (post-snow), you can even buy soft pretzels (if you live near a park big enough to have soft-pretzel vendors), or buy a pack of skittles to share while you walk & talk. Eh?!

LAZER TAG? Probably this is a little extreme but the thought of you being like “I hate coffee so the other casual activity I thought of that we could do is play lazer tag,” made me laugh really hard, so. You’re welcome.

DO YOU LIKE BOOKS? HOW ABOUT A BOOKSTORE HANG? Sorry if this is too nerdy for you but like, I love bookstores and bookstores need people in them so this is a win-win for society. You have a place to go with this girl, you can talk about your fave comics or books, you can each buy something and help support independent booksellers, what could be better??!?!

ICE CREAM. Ice cream could be better, probably, because ice cream rules. So, if she’s super pumped about ice cream you can make your SECOND date a bookstore and your third date a park and your fourth date going to a museum and then you can have your wedding at a lazer tag park.

I am so, so glad that we had this talk.

Best of luck / Invite me to the wedding,


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Ahhh I brought a girl back to my room! What now?

-Question submitted by Anonymous

Kristin Says:



This question is from like three months ago so, listen… First of all, sorry for the delay. Second of all, I hope it all worked out and you went back in there and leaned casually on the doorframe and said something like, “Well this is weird, isn’t it? Who wants to kiss, am I right?!”

If, however you are still hiding in a corner, crouched at your computer, feeling terrified: you can calm down because she probably left, feeling a little confused, a couple months ago. In which case, GO FIND HER, and show her this post and say, “Kristin said that next time I saw you we should make out and I always listen to what Kristin says so…” Then make a pucker face and close your eyes.


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“How do I overcome the fear of looking like an idiot? As it applies to both dating and karaoke.”

-Question submitted by Anonymous

Kristin Says:

When I was four years old, my mom took me to my dad’s office building for the first time. I don’t remember anything about the visit past one critical moment that happened in the office cafeteria. I had carefully selected a bunless hot dog out of the vast array of lunchroom options and I must have been feeling quiteproud of myself, because I also asked to be allowed to cut the hot dog up into tiny pieces all on my own. Permission to cut the dog was granted, and I took my plastic fork and knife and proudly began my dissection. Two cuts in, however, I met with resistance. My knife was having difficulty making it all the way through the hot dog. I knew what would help: I just needed to use all the force in my mighty four-year-old body to push the knife through to the other side. I wasn’t yet well versed in physics, and so didn’t foresee the knife completing its cut, leaving my hand entirely, and ricocheting across the cafeteria alongside more than half of my hot dog.

Every single person in the cafeteria stopped, and turned to look at me.

Upon collectively realizing that one of their co-workers hadn’t been suddenly inspired to start a food fight, but rather that a sweet, innocent, helpless 4-year-old had just had some difficulty with her plasticware, they all laughed. They all laughed. My parents and every other grown-ass person in the room laughed, and their laughter meant one thing, and one thing only to me: They thought I wasn’t yet capable of being as big, as grown, or as smart as they were. They thought I was too small. I was devastated. Inconsolable.

In that moment, two things were happening at the very same time. The fire in my belly was screaming BUT YOU ARE SMART AND YOU DO KNOW HOW TO DO THIS THING AND YOU ARE STRONG AND BIG AND THEY DON’T KNOW ANYTHING, while the shrinking feeling in my chest was whimpering, what if you aren’t all of those things, what if they are right, what if you are too small, too stupid?

We’ve all had this experience, Anonymous, both as four-year-olds and as grown-ass adults, both cutting hot dogs and going on first dates… and if you are anything like me you still carry those same conflicting feelings of insistent confidence & total self-doubt. We value what others perceive sometimes (oftentimes) over our own knowledge of ourselves, and we doubt what we already know. Just like I knew I could cut that hot dog when I asked for permission to do so, you know that you are a fucking great human and that when you set out with the intention of having a blast, both karaoke and dating become much, much easier (and much more entertaining). But then! With just one sideways glance from another person, many of us suddenly lose that footing and wonder and worry that maybe we really weren’t capable, maybe we really weren’t so great, and maybe we should put down the microphone.

My advice to you is twofold: First, remember the tale of tiny Kristin and her bunless hotdog. Remember that the capabilities that I had in that moment did not change just because a room full of people thought I was small and cute. Many of them likely still even believed I was capable, but the bigger point is that even if all of them thought I was so small and silly, I was a four year old with the force of the whole universe inside of me. I could and did have the ability to cut that hotdog – not to mention the ability to learn from my missteps. Only I needed to know that to make it true, just like you are the only person who needs to know that you are the fucking best when you go on that date or belt out a RENT showtune. If the person or people you are with think otherwise, that’s on them. You are you, and you aren’t stupid. You’re a person. People are SO INTERESTING AND COMPLEX (annnnd for the record karaoke is not about singing talent, it is about having a goddamn blast.)

Second, the more we enjoy ourselves and speak our truth, the more attractive we become. I cannot tell you how much I lean on that knowledge every day of my life. I see people like Amanda Palmer or Elle King or Nicolette Mason or Janet Mock (and the list goes on!) who speak WHAT THEY FEEL and walk through this life not apologizing for their thoughts, their vision, their bodies, or any piece of themselves, and how goddamn brilliant and endlessly attractive I find them all because of that lived existence. Remember them, or the many other people who you admire because they are unapologetically themselves.

If you still find yourself wavering, feel free to tell your audience (whether that be your date, a full bar, or otherwise) the story of Kristin and her flying hot dog. It is usually a crowdpleaser.


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“How do I stop giggling and running away from pretty girls? It’s embarrassing and I’m an adult.”

-Question submitted by Anonymous

Kristin Says:

I am about to change your whole world in a few sentences. Are you ready?

You see a pretty girl, you giggle, you run away.
Such is life.

Now… just turn around and WALK BACK UP TO THE PRETTY GIRL and say, “I am so sorry I have this thing where I giggle and run away from pretty girls.”

You see?
You see what I did there?

Even if you run away and giggle again, you’ve flirted! You’ve done it. It’s all going to be okay. You might even say a few more sentences the next time you return from a giggle-flee! If she’s meant to be, she will think it’s the damned cutest thing she’s ever seen (I’ve never met you and it sounds pretty damn adorable to me).

You probably just took your lemons and made a lemondate. Tada.