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“Okay okay okay, so y'all have covered how to be cute and such in coffee places, school, and random places and such. But how in the world do you get someones number at the gym, when you’re all sweaty and gross. Like what do you do when you see a cute human walk in and you’re like 'NO WHYYY,' because you look a hot mess.”

-Question submitted by Anonymous

Kristin Says:

Okay okay okay, I’ve got this:

Bring a picture of your non-sweaty self to the gym, along with a pre-written note and a pen.

The pre-written note should read: “I would love to get your number, however the circumstances of my sweaty face are less than ideal. Please see the attached photo for a representation of more ideal circumstances. You can write your number below if you would like to get a coffee sometime or you can draw a picture of a sad dinosaur if you are not interested. Thank you.”

Have these items at the ready, and when cute human arrives, drape a gym towel over your sweaty head and walk (carefully) over to them. Hand them the note and the pen. Remain under your towel.

Good luck.

11.12.2015
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“After skirting around the question all night, my friend and I confessed our feelings to one another. Only problem was the awkward hour that followed it. We didn’t kiss or make a move, and earlier we had been discussing how relationships in high school are weird because you probably won’t make it in the long run. Should I propose dating for our last couple years before college, or should we just stay close friends? I don’t want any regrets, but I also don’t want a resigned break up.”

-Question submitted by Anonymous

Kristin Says:

First of all HOORAY, YOU DID IT! You said your feelings! Your friend said their feelings!! That means that before you started to wonder OMG WHAT WILL HAPPEN THO and scurried over to Everyone Is Gay for advice… you both felt that amazing firework explosion that happens when you connect to a human who you care about. That is the best feeling, and I am totally stoked for you both! Fireworks, fireworks, fireworks!

Now, as generally tends to happen with human beings, your heart was all *kapow kapow* and your friend’s heart was all *kablam kablam* and then your brains were like *screeeeeeeeeeeech* and then you both just looked at each other like:


…right?

I get it. I totally get it. However, the fact of the matter is that you have connected to this person and sharing that connection can (and probably will) be an incredible & important experience for you both, despite what may or may not happen after high school.

My answer, then, as is usually the case, is to talk more about your feelings, talk about the things you are afraid of, and talk about what it all means to you both. Set a timeline if you want, where you take three days or a week or two weeks to sift through things in your brains and hearts, both together and apart from each other. Then, reconvene and make out with each other! SORRY, WAIT. I meant, *clears throat* reconvene and talk about how you would both like to handle the situation as responsible adults.

Also know this: even if you spend the most incredible year with this human and you decide to go your separate ways after a time, that doesn’t have to be something that either of you regret. I have actually found that regret tends to happen much more when we choose not to do something for fear of “what might be,” instead of choosing something for what it is, right in this moment.

 



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09.7.2015
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“What are some cute (and respectable) ways to casually flirt with someone you’ve just recently met and might be interested in?”

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

I think the most respectable way to flirt with someone is to treat them like they are a person you would like to get to know… which shouldn’t be THAT hard bc they are just a person you would like to get to know.

The worst thing you can do while flirting is to assume that you are entitled to a positive response. There is nothing worse that not being into someone and then being made to feel bad about it! I don’t think that’s where you’re coming from, which is dope. You’re starting off just right.

When you see someone you’re immediately attracted to, whether they’re on a stage, making your coffee, teaching your yoga class, sitting next to you on a bus – they’re still a person you don’t know AT ALL. So treat them like a person you don’t know AT ALL, but you’d like to GET TO KNOW. That’s the trick. Here are some examples:

“I love that shirt, is it from Topman?”
“I just wanted to say, the point you brought up in class was EXACTLY what I’ve been trying to say for the past month, thank you for having good words inside your brain.”
”Hey – I saw you in GUYS N DOLLS last week and you were hands down my favorite.”
(Those are conversation starters)

“Do you have any interest in getting coffee with a complete stranger?”
“I wrote my number on this piece of paper because I had the urge to ask you out, but didn’t want to do the uncomfortable thing where you have to answer right away and in front of people, so, if you’d like to – you have the option. If you don’t want to – no harm no foul, I will still make great jokes every morning when I order the same latte.”
“I would love to ask you out either as a new friend or an official date, if you’re comfortable or into either of those things.”
(Those are ways to ask a human out)

The great thing about all of the examples I just gave you? It doesn’t matter how nervous / awkward / uncomfortable you are because you’re being respectful and sweet and kind. THAT’S ALL ANY OF US WANTS. IT REALLY IS. No one wants to be approached in a way that automatically makes them feel disrespected, uncomfortable, forced into something, etc. If you can avoid making someone feel that way, you are doing a great job.

The fact of the matter is, in flirting or asking someone out, or whatever… you want the person to walk away feeling flattered and respected. It doesn’t matter if they wanna settle down and marry you, go on a date with you, see you ever again, NONE OF IT MATTERS. It’s one second in time, it’s a passing convo, it’s a quick ‘what’s up,’ it isn’t anything that matters (yet). Might as well make the person feel really good about the moment, you know? And practice makes perfect, if the first 20 times it doesn’t work, but you walk away feeling really good about the way you approached the person and you know they feel really good and nice about they way you approached them, you’ll only continue to get better at flirting because you’ll feel fucking great about the way you’re doing it!

***
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07.15.2015
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“Hi! Over the past couple of years I’ve really come out of my shell. I’ve changed my fashion, come out to my friends and family, etc. Something that still bothers me is that I’ve never been on a date before. I just turned 21 and it’s starting to really bug me. I don’t know how to get out there and meet people, and now I’m concerned that my total lack of experience is going to bother people. There’s tons of cute girls out there but I don’t know how to talk to them! Any advice?”

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

I THINK YOU SHOULD USE PRIDE TO YOUR ADVANTAGE. June is pride month in so many places and there will be events, fundraisers, street fairs, shows, etc., for all the queers!

If you don’t feel comfortable in a party environment, contact the local LGTBQ center (if there isn’t one in your city, try the closest big city you can find) and see if they need any help this month! Sometimes people will need help for one day, or two nights, or just one week and they’re calling on their friends, family, and coworkers to do their bidding. They’d be stoked to have someone like you who is trying to get out there and meet people.

ALSO, you can come up with a game for yourself called “meet 15 cuties today” and literally walk up to cute girls and say, “Hi, I’m trying to meet at least 15 cuties today and I was wondering if you’d like to be one of them?” Some people will be like ‘haha no,’ but GUESS WHAT?! You will probably never see them again, so who cares, they were just very good practice. AND ON TOP OF THAT. Some people will think it’s so sweet and say yes immediately, no hesitation, and will be so honored to have been a part of your game.

OOOORRR You can say Dannielle from EveryoneIsGay.com specifically requested that you ask a stranger to go on a date with you. If that doesn’t work, you can just blame me forever.

Kristin Says:

I support all of these ideas, and I want to say two more things:

FIRST: Your lack of experience is not going to be a turn-off to people who you’d want to date, so take all those fears, pack them in a little satchel, and toss them over your shoulder into the river. I assume you are near a river. Seriously, if I met someone today who I liked a ton and they had never dated anyone I would be like COOL GREAT STORY, ANYWAY DO YOU WANT TO MAKE OUT? (Spoiler: I probably wouldn’t say that bc I am married but you get my point.) If they judge you bc you’ve dated less than them, they can go right in that river-bound satchel, too.

SECOND: If you are afraid to talk with your mouth right away, use dating apps! Then you get to develop the initial stages of #connection over the world wide web and you can work up the courage to type out “Do you want to meet up next week for a coffee?” and hit send and then sit in the dark looking like this:

…until they reply “YES,” and you look like this:


Tada!

***
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06.8.2015
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