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"what are you supposed to say when your doctor asks if you are having sex and your a lesbian? I’m 17 and I always get scared and don’t know what is appropriate. My doctor asked if I was having sex and I just said ‘not with a boy’ and I don’t think she got it. And now that i just typed that out i realized how weird and creepy that sounded. I don’t want to say no because I am lady boning, but I dont know how to yes and clarify what I mean. Help!"

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

Gyno: Are you sexually active?

Me: Yes

Gyno: Are you on birth control, do you use condoms, etc?

Me: I mean….I date girls???

Gyno: How many sexual partners have you had in the last 6 months?

THE REST ISN’T YOUR BUSINESS, INTERNET…but you get the point. Boom, there it is, as soon as she asks. It was SO AWKWARD for me the first time I said it bc like…they don’t give you any questions about the gender of the people you bone…but you guys… the gender doesn’t matter. E’erone has to use protection/get tested/be safe/get checked all up on. Tell your gyno, they know what’s up, they see billions of people everyday.

Kristin Says:

This shit has pissed me off for yearrrrsssssss, you guys.

My conversations, in the past, have typically gone:

Gyno: Are you sexually active?

Me: Yes

Gyno: Are you on birth control?

Me: I don’t need birth control.

Gyno: Excuse me?

Me: I partner with women.

Now, first of all, I DON’T KNOW WHY I SAY ‘PARTNER WITH WOMEN,’ BC I WOULD NEVER SAY THAT IN REAL LIFE ANYWHERE ELSE. I hate it.  But I am being honest, and that is what came out of my dumb mouth.

Second of all, it is annoying as FUCK and sometimes awkward for a minute, but like, gynos literally have their heads in 87 vaginas a day (#notafact), so they usually don’t give a shit if you are boning a lady or a Mr. Potato Head, so long as you are doing it healthily. #potatoheadcondoms

Third of all, you should find out if there are any LGBTQ-based health centers near you, because I can’t begin to explain how goddamn wonderful it is to go to a gyno who realizes that sex does not only mean penis-in-vagina.  My new LGBTQ-awesome-gyno is literally like, ‘Do you use protection? Do you engage with sex toys? What is your preferred gender?” And I’m all, “HIGH FIVE ME, DOCTOR! …I DON’T CARE THAT I AM IN A GOWN, HIGH MOTHER-FUCKIN’ FIVE ME FOR NOT MAKING ME FEEL LIKE A DUFUS FOR BEING INTO LADIES. YOU RULE.”

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“how do I come out to my therapist? I'm bipolar and I've been going to therapy for about a year, and my gay-ness is deffo not helping the depression bit, but what do I say?!”

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

OKAY, after reading the FOURTH question about therapy I decided we need to answer this. FOUR OF THEM. And you guys ALL want to know how to talk to your therapist.

Let me tell you a little something. Therapy literally exists so that you can talk to someone and not feel judged, different, crazy, stupid, abnormal, weird, uncomfortable, INSERTNEGATIVEEMOTIONHERE. Therapists are there for you to tell EVERYTHING to. It’s not like you walk in one day and say ‘this is the one thing i’m upset about’ and they say ‘CUT YOUR HAIR DIFFERENT’ and then you are cured and you never go back. You go in, you talk to them, you tell them everything, you’re honest with them (maybe in ways you’re afraid to be honest with other people) and they listen to you. They assess what you’re going through, what you’ve been through and what you feel you WILL go through and they help you understand yourself a little bit more. Which, in turn, helps you live a much healthier and stable life.

If I were you, and I were depressed, and being gay was making it worse…that would be the FIRST thing I told my therapist “I’m gay, I have no one to talk to, I’m scared, I’m lonely, I’m hurt and it feels wrong” That’s what you say. You say exactly what you’re feeling.

Hiding anything from your therapist is like eating cereal with water. You know it’s SUPPOSED to be good, and like you SHOULD be getting something from it, but it’s just basically soggy…

##metaphors

Kristin Says:

I think it is impressive that you have paid this therapist of yours (who I will heretofore refer to as Dr. Therapy) for a year and they still don’t know that part of what you are struggling with is that you are gay.  Anonymous, you are one tough cookie slash stubborn muffin. (I needed something to go with cookie.)

If I were you, I would say, “Hey, it has taken me awhile to get here, but I feel like I want to share something with you that is affecting my depression.  It is hard for me to say.”  The thing about therapy is, you are PAYING DR.THERAPY TO LISTEN TO YOU…you could say that first bit and then sit and blink for ten minutes while you build up the courage, and guess what?  Dr. Therapy has to just sit there and blink back, and patiently wait for your next sentence.  That is why therapy ruuuuules!  You can say anything you want, however you want to say it, and Dr. Therapy is there to listen and to help you navigate through your struggles.

What I will say is this: You will not be able to take the steps that you need to take within your work in therapy if you are not being completely open about who you are and how you feel.  I can promise you that, even though you might feel a little off when you first tell Dr. T that you are a big ‘mo, after another few conversations everything will settle into place and you will finally, FINALLY be able to talk openly about all of the things that you are going through.

Also, feel free to open the conversation by saying, “So, I wrote into everyoneisgay.com and asked them how to come out to you, and they called me a big ‘mo and they called you Dr. T.”

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“So, I went to the doctor recently to get a physical and the fact that I'm gay came up. Everything was cool, he just ordered an HIV test because of the misconception that gays and lesbians are more susceptible to HIV. However, I got my physical in the mail and under Diagnosis was the phrase "Ego-dystonic Lesbianism." Have you ever heard of this? What is this nonsense? I looked it up and found almost nothing, except that it's discomfort with one's sexual identity, which I have no discomfort. I like women, end of story. Do either of you know why he would diagnose me with that?”

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

I just wikipedia-d that shit, and I’m not afraid to admit it…

1. Never heard of it. 2. If any doctor ever told me I had to get tested for HIV bc I was gay, and gays get it more, I would immediately find another doctor BECAUSE WHAT THE FUCK. 3. According to wikipedia (which has never failed me) Dr. douchebag is saying you have a behavioral/anxiety causing MENTAL issue (being gay) and WOOOOOOO DOES THAT PISS ME OFF.

It’s like, don’t worry you guys, being gay isn’t actually a psychological disorder anymore, but like, it prolly is… you know?

I HATE PEOPLE SO MUCH SOMETIMES. I try real hard to give son-of-a-bitches the benefit of the doubt, but there doesn’t seem to be a ‘oh he probably meant…’ with this situation. It’s like, there ARE doctors that will get it, there ARE doctors that won’t assume you’re sick both mentally and physically because you’re gay. This is, literally, outrageous to me. Ok, Dannielle, calm down…*deep breath*

I calmly suggest you find another health advisor. I think it’s important that the person in charge of your body and mind are on the same page as you. It is your body, your mind, your future. Health (both mental and physical) is very important and you have GOT to be comfortable with the person whose hand’s your health rests in.

Kristin Says:

DON’T EVEN CALM DOWN, DANNIELLE.  I AM ABOUT TO CRACK SOME DOCTOR-TYPE SKULLS OVER HERE.

This is. The most. Ridiculous. And insulting. Thing I have heard in like a long time.

I am not even going to take a deep breath on this one, because this bitch (your doctor) doesn’t deserve my calmness, you know?

First of all, if his reasoning for an HIV test was your sexuality alone, and not your sexual activity in general, this man should literally be ousted from the medical profession.  Does anyone out there know about the legality of testing based exclusively on sexuality? As much as I want to believe that this is flat-out illegal, this world really has a way of letting incredible bullshit slip through the cracks…so you just never know. The lesson here, then, is that apart from just being mad, it is also really good to be educated on your specific rights so that you have the ability to put Dr. Asshole in his place.

As far as diagnosing you with ‘Ego-Dystonic Lesbianism’ goes…IT IS A REALLY FUCKING GOOD THING THAT I LOVE MY CAT TOO MUCH TO KICK HIM IN MY RAGE OF ANGER.  Exactly as you said, it is hard to find out the details of this diagnosis apart from the fact that it implies you are uncomfortable with your own homosexuality…which is not the case, and which is why it should not be on your record.  Personally, I would view this as having a medical record arrive in my mailbox with any other ‘disorder’ listed on it which I did not have; it is inaccurate and should therefore be removed.

If you are comfortable enough to stir the pot, I would call up the office and say that you have apparently been misdiagnosed and you would like your medical records to reflect your health accurately.  Speak directly with the doctor and explain to him that you are completely comfortable with your sexuality, and you want to know the reasoning for his diagnosis.

If you aren’t comfortable kicking him in the groin of ignorance, then at the very least I suggest you find a new doctor.  Upon making an initial internet dig for help in this area, I found the Gay Lesbian Medical Association, whose self-stated mission is “to ensure equality in health care for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender individuals and health care providers.”  It appears that you can use their search engine to see if there are any LGBT-friendly providers in your area.

PS: mental post-it note to add a ‘resource’ page to everyoneisgay has been adhered to skull

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