, , , , , , , , ,

“I’m a 14 year old gay (bi?) girl and i go to a sleepaway camp for most of the summer. My problem is that I dont want to hide my sexuality from the girls in my cabin, but I worry because we shower/ swim/change in front of each other, and while im not going to be looking at any of them, i worry that theyll think I am. It seems easiest to hide it, but I dont think I can do that. I desperately want to go back to hike and enjoy myself, even if the girls arent the nicest. Do you have any advice? thanks”

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

Here’s the thing. You aren’t going to be checking everyone out in the showers, you aren’t going to be staring at everyone wearing a swimsuit, and you aren’t going to wait around for someone to change in front of you… you just AREN’T. You never were going to be doing any of that and you’ll move forward with no plans to do any of it.

In fact, I’m willing to bet that the girls who don’t want to be making out with other girls will look at one another WAY MORE than you will look at any of them. They’ll be comparing their bodies, checking out everyone’s swim suits, asking about bras, etc.

I think you should do what makes you feel most comfortable. If you’re only comfy being out to a few close friends and you trust them, go that route. If you feel cool being “out and proud” and suggesting a fun night of like coming out around the campfire, DO IT. If you don’t want to be out because you’re there to hike and camp and do crafts and dance and eat smores… don’t be out! It’s a part of who you are, but it isn’t ALL of who you are, and it is 100000% up to you whether or not you want to be out.

It sounds to me like you want to be out, so I think you should. Talk to a few people you feel comfortable with, make sure you have some folks on your side. ALSO, if anyone is like “i dont want to shower near her bc she’s gay” you can just be like “yea, I don’t want to shower near her either bc she’s straight” and then roll your eyes and walk away.

Kristin Says:

Yup yup yupppppp. I remember being TERRIFIED to come out to my college roommates for the exact same reasons. I was convinced that if I told them I was gay they would feel uncomfortable living with me and think that instead of friendship I actually wanted bone-ship, you know? Nothing I did would have given them that idea… and truthfully nothing they did signaled that they would make such a drastic, sweeping assumption. None of that mattered, though, because my brain, the little devil that it is, had plenty of its own ideas.

It is so, so scary to think that others might make assumptions about you and feel uncomfortable just being in your presence. However, no matter what the outcome is, imagining what it MIGHT be like is almost always much, much worse than what it ACTUALLY winds up being like. I agree with Dannielle’s feeling from your words — it sounds like you really want to be out. My gut says that you are going to come out and your friends and the majority, if not all, of the other campers are going to love and accept you and at most make jokes in an attempt to let you know everything is totally okay. If you do have a few stragglers/strugglers, I want you to do your best at reminding yourself that their issues are their issues, not yours. In this scenario I fully support the rolling-your-eyes tactic to let everyone know that you’re over it and they should be, too.

If it makes it easier, come out armed and ready by saying:

“I wanted to come out to you all but was convinced you’d think I was checking you out in the showers so I have prepared a speech. I am [gay/bi/whatever] and don’t flatter yourselves because I only have eyes for Demi Lovato and 70% of the clones on Orphan Black.”

This gives everyone a chance to laugh, including you, and a GREAT next topic which is OMG ORPHAN BLACK WHO IS UR FAVE CLONE OMG.

…You’ve got this.

(Also, sidebar: I went on a hike in LA and almost got eaten by a rattlesnake so BE CAREFUL.)

Hi! Our advice is always free for all to read & watch. Help us keep this gay ship chuggin’ by donating as little as $1/month over here on Patreon. xo


, , , , , , , , , , , ,

"How do I come out at summer camp?"

-Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

OKAY WELL. If you want to do something fun. I would wait until you’re all sitting around a campfire and I would be like “I have a ghost story,” and when handed the flashlight I would go “oooohhhOOOOOOOhhh i’m a gayyyyoooooohhh” and then when everyone gave me a super weird look I’d be like “sorry that wasn’t a good story, but legit I am a gay.”

Either they will laugh and you will have new BFFEs or they will not laugh and you will know that your summer camp is a total bust.

SERIOUSLY THO, chances are you aren’t the only gay at summer camp and everyone else is wondering the same thing. I always try to find one or two people that I can connect with and start there. There isn’t really a reason for everyone to know all your business, but if you feel more comfortable just being totally open with all of the people THEN YOU SHOULD JUST JUMP IN HEAD FIRST LIKE YOU DO WITH WATER #summercampstuff

You seem to really want to come out, which is awesome and I think you should. Because like, YOLO!! When you look back on summer camp, you won’t regret being totally open about who you are, but you MIGHT regret if you decide not to be, you know?

Kristin Says:

HAHAHAHA “oooohhhOOOOOOOhhh i’m a gayyyyoooooohhh” is the best ghost story ever written.

This really, truly depends on who you are as a person. If you are going into camp not knowing too many people and you are worried that there may be some humans who are less-than-cool about it, then absolutely take your time. Feel out the situation and when you start forming relationships with people, then you can be honest with them as a friend, instead of just being like, “Hi nice to meet you, love those khaki shorts, I’m totally gay.” (all people at summer camp wear khaki shorts).

If you are totally feeling it and just want to be like BLAM I’M GAY MOVING RIGHT ALONG, you could do what I would probably do, and when I walked into my CAMPER ROOM (you guys where do people sleep in camp, I don’t know anything), I’d plop my suitcase on my bed and be like, “Nice to meet you all, I can’t wait to toast marshmallows with you. Also, I am totally gay but like calm your shit because I have no intentions of looking at your boobies. WHO’S READY FOR ZIPLINING AMIRITE?!”

#marshmallows #ziplines #khakishorts #campanawanna