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"You have one girl who has never been with a girl before. You have a queer girl who has never been with a girl before. These two girls kiss. Now they are both queer. They are both confused because they both are now in a foreign relationship and don’t know how to ‘do it.’"

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

Here is the thing about ~~sexual relations~~… it is different with every person, it is new with every person, it is confusing the first time.. for every person. I think your situation is dope because you’re both starting in the very same place. You aren’t super aware of the things you want and neither is your gal. So, first, TALK ABOUT IT. Second, TRY SHIT. Third, BE SAFE.

Re: talk about it, seriously. It is that simple. Talk about things you’ve thought, things you’ve watched, things you’ve fantasized about, things you’ve wondered, things you’ve done when you’re alone, things you’ve done with other people. Talk before you do it, talk while you’re doing it, talk after you do it. Take it slow, ask questions.

Re: Try shit. After you talk about shit, try it. How TF is anyone supposed to know what they like and what works for them if you don’t try? It’s your first time together with all this jazz, so just try. Leave room for giggles and buy the books with the stupidly cheesy titles.

Re: BE SAFE. Get real, yall. You’re exchanging fluids. You’re trying new things. Be safe. Use protection, use safe words, be honest with one another.

and have fun.

Kristin Says:

Lucky for you both, I watched several episodes of Seinfeld this holiday weekend which, as you well know, is the encyclopedia of sexual knowledge. Here is a relevant quote:

Elaine: Hey Jerry when do you consider that sex has taken place?
Jerry: I would say when the nipple makes its first appearance.

So, there you go.
Each of you show the other a nipple and you’ve done ‘it’!

I’m sorry… I am SORRY. I just really wanted to use the nipple quote somehow and you gave me a decent segway opportunity. Dannielle hit you up with all the relevant knowledge, and I will add a tiny bit more:

There is no such thing as ‘it.’ You know what I mean? It’s like… this cultural phenomenon that is based on procreation and purity and shit, when in reality Sarah might consider having sex anything that results in an orgasm and Alex might consider having sex anything that includes penetration and Susie Anne might consider having sex anything that includes feeling like she had sex.

Talk to your human. If you aren’t good at talking face to face because you get a little FLUSTERED, then gchat or text each other about things you might want to do. Maybe go buy some toys together and explore things! If you don’t want to go to a store in person, check out Babeland online… they even tell you how to use things!

The bottom line is that you define what ‘doing it’ is for yourselves and each other, and that definition might change over the course of time… or you might just stop caring about what’s what and be totally stoked on having all sorts of naked (safe) fun together.

Yayyyyyyy!!
(  .  )(  .  )

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12.1.2014
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"How do you know when boobs are fake? It doesn’t REALLY matter but I keep thinking that my girlfriend’s are. I don’t want to ask her — but I know they feel a lot more solid than mine do so I am mostly just curious."

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

Get a needle and stick her boob.

If it starts to squirt water, it’s fake. If it starts to squirt blood, you are prolly getting broken up with.

Kristin Says:

That was my first thought.

Alternately, you could tell her that you just found out you have a deathly allergy to silicone, explaining that “it shouldn’t matter much because you’re never around silicone anyway,” and then nonchalantly grab for her boobs.

12.17.2012
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“So I feel a little confused. I have always hated having boobs and I just recently started binding and I feel so much more confident, but my parents don’t really understand. They think I am trying to look like a boy but I’m not and they know I am not a lesbian/ queer/ transgendered, I’m rather femine and straight, I just don’t like boobs. So am I weird or is what I feel any sort of normal?”

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

I think you should focus on the positive when you’re talking to your parents. When they’re like ‘are you strappin down your rack because you wanna be a boy?’ and you scream ‘I DONT WANNA BE A BOY’ … even though it isn’t defensive, it sounds that way. IIIIIIIII know you just don’t really know what to say to that because it’s such a weird question (i mean, when it comes down to it, what does gender really have to do with boobs?? we could talk for hours about that…) BUT WE DON’T TALK TO OUR PARENTS ABOUT THAT YOU GUYS. So, like i said, it sounds sort of defensive and they automatically think you’re hiding something.
So focus on the positive. Tell them that smaller boobies make you more comfortable and why. You want to be able to wear the clothes you like, you want to feel more confident bc your boobies shouldn’t have to be your body’s center piece, your back hurts less, you can dance way harder, you don’t feel judged immediately… etc. I had a friend who got a breast reduction surgery when she was 18, and because she communicated the positive effects of the surgery to her parents, they totally supported her and were so happy for her when she got it done. Her self esteem has SOARED since then (and she totally has a husband and gets manicures…#stereotypicalgirlstuff)

ALSO PUNKY BREWSTER DID IT.

I think parents are more understanding than we give them credit for… as long as you’re being open with them and they can understand why you’re doing the things you’re doing, they get it. We just freak out on our insides and feel like they won’t get it, so we yell and scream.

Kristin Says:

OMG PUNKY BREWSTER TOTALLY DID IT.
First off – no, you are not abnormal for binding your boobs. I f*cking hate my boobs, you guys. They drive me insane, they weigh like a million pounds each (approximately), and they annoy me and make me feel gross at least 50% of the time. I’m not sure why I’m not binding my own boobs, honestly.
My relationship with my boobs has zero to do with my sexuality. It’s a body thing for me, and it also has nothing to do with my gender identity. I think there are a lot of people who feel like you, and I think it is awesome that you are doing things to make yourself feel more comfortable in your own skin.
As far as your parents are concerned, I think you just tell it to them like it is – and just like Dannielle said, do it in a calm, even manner. Explain to them that you understand why they might associate boob-binding with gender identity, since it is most commonly shown to the world through a transgender lens, but that for you that isn’t the case, and that if you were questioning your identity you would let them know.
We all have really specific relationships with our own bodies, and learning how to navigate that and how to make ourselves feel comfortable is an awesome thing. YOU ARE DOING GREAT.

09.4.2012
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"I know now that I’m a lesbian, but I feel really awful because if I see a pretty girl I sometimes look at her boobs, and I feel like a pervert. Is this ok because I feel like a complete perve, even though blokes probs do the same thing?"

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

1. ( . ) ( . )

2. I’m not one to “check grlz out” but I know that people do it. When I see someone actually LITERALLY look someone up and down and bit their lower lip, i lose respect for that person almost immediately.

LIFE IS NOT SHANE FROM THE L WORD, YOU GUYS.

Okay, boobs are cool, booties r nice, legs are sweet, abs are neato. HOWEVER, there is and HAS TO BE some sort of moderation folks, right? Every once in a while take a boob sneak peek?! right?!

I don’t think it makes you a perv that you like to look at jiggley balls attached to peoples’ chest, but like if you’re oogling boobies so hard that you forget to listen to words, we need to sit you down and have a talk.

Kristin Says:

1. (   .   )(   .   )

2. Nothing at all is wrong with looking at boobs, so long as the person who you are looking at doesn’t CATCH YOU.

3. Boobs are great.

4. Boobs boobs boobs.

11.25.2011
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“Okay so, I am straight. There is no doubt I am, but I like boobs. Not the boob itself though, the squishyness. Does that make me bi? Let me clarify: I do not find a women's body sexually attractive.”

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

it means you are Dory from Finding Nemo.

Kristin Says:

NEWSALERT, NEWSALERT: Liking the ‘squishyness’ of a boob does not make you anything apart from liking the squishyness of a boob.

Let me be clear: sexuality and preferences and desires and wants and needs and likes and loves are so complex in their formation that assigning terms like LESBOTRON and GAYWAD and BIMOBILE just don’t cut it in a lot of cases.  Naming these things is so silly, you guys.  You like boobs but you don’t like ladies.  Want a name for yourself?  You are a boobosexual.

SEE HOW SILLY THAT IS?!

It is totally normal to like something like the feel of a boob, even if that does not make you feel attracted to women.  Call it a preference, call it a fetish, call it who you are…it doesn’t matter.  Perhaps the boy you are boning has something that will help you fill the need for squishy, and if not, perhaps you should invest in one of these things, you big boobosexual, you:

07.4.2011
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