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"Is it inappropriate to tell the girl I’ve been crazy about for 10 months that I like her if I know for a fact that she’s miserable in her current relationship?"

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

I mean… kinda? But you’ll probably do it anyway, you know what I mean?! IT’S LOVE SO YOLO SORT OF. This is kind of a question you have to answer for yourself. A crap ton of people read this question and had an IMMEDIATE gut reaction that lets them know exactly what they would do. They don’t even have to think about it. Either “You have to tell her, you can’t keep that in, it’s not fair to you” or “You can’t tell her bc if she breaks up with her partner to be with you, you’ll feel responsible and it’ll rip you up inside.”

I, personally, have made both decisions for whatever reason felt right to me at the time. I 100% kept it in and let that relationship go on and felt like barf but got over it bc whatever. I 100% told the person, that relationship ended and we started dating and I felt like barf but WHATRE U GONNA DO?! FYI: neither of those worked out in the long run, but I don’t regret making either of those decisions. I don’t feel like either situation would have been better or worse had chosen the opposite path.

I guess, this isn’t advice because I can’t really give you advice. I can tell you to do what you know feels right to you. Do the thing that won’t make you feel shitty, you know? That’s a good life mantra right there, always do the thing that won’t make you feel shitty.

Kristin Says:

I guess I am one of those people whose gut reaction was “Of course you can tell her.” I would absolutely tell her. A million times tell her. Tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her. Etc.

Here’s my the why and the how:

You have been close with this human and feel like they are not happy in their current relationship. NOW, YOU ARE AN OUTSIDER AND THAT MEANS YOU CANNOT KNOW ANYTHING, but you have a hunch. So, this reads a little differently to me than simply tearing a couple apart who are happy and in love, and by the way, your crush still has her autonomy, so you telling her that you have feelings for her does not OBLIGATE her to ruin her current relaysh. So, this is why I say tell her.

SLOW DOWN, FIDDLESTICKS (ur name), AND LISTEN TO THIS PART: You cannot just f*cking tell her in any way you damn well please. I mean, you can, but therein lies the chance to move this from (in my opinion) appropriate to inappropriate. DO NOT tell her that you think she is unhappy in her current relationship. DO NOT tell her that she’d be happier with you. DO NOT make her feel pressured in any way, shape or form. DO NOT disrespect her current commitments.

This means that you start your confessional by saying, “I know you are in a relationship, and I have gone back and forth about whether or not to say anything because of that fact. I want you to know that I respect your relationship, your gf, and you, and that is always first on my list.”

THEN, you say, “I have feelings for you, and I just had to clear the air. I understand if that means we can’t see each other a bunch right now, and I am sorry if saying this in any way confuses anything for you. I just felt that I had to be honest.”

That’s it. Balls in her court, confession over, no more conversation on this matter unless you are directly answering her questions. Got it?!

Good. Go forth! Good luck! Byeeyeyyeyeyeye!


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