, , , , , , , , ,

"I had a real thing going on with this one girl, but things have gotten weird and that’s over. I’m having a really hard time not getting sad every once and a while, especially since we are still friends and I see her a lot. How do I fix this?"

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

I think you should let yourself be sad AND I think you should take a break from this girl. I went through a really tough break up a few years ago wherein SRIRACHA (her name bc hot sauce bc burn, get it?) asked me multiple times to NOT attend an event with a bunch of our mutual friends. I was bummed out, I was SO bummed out, I felt v estranged from a bunch of people I had previously had pretty good relationships with, BUT I got it. I totally understood. I hated it, but I understood. You can’t be expected to just be totally okay right after a split, you know? Time passed, and now we are super close. Time and space, y’all.

I’m not suggesting you ask your ex to not attend friend events, maybe that doesn’t make you comfortable. BUT you can back off a little. No one knows your feels the way you know your feels. AND SOMETIMES YOU PROBABLY DON’T EVEN KNOW YOUR FEELS, YOU KNOW!?

Skip a few friend events, stop following their facebook feed, mute them on twitter, etc. You don’t have to cut this human out of your life, but taking that space will help you take the time you need to move on. Let yourself be sad, don’t feel dumb for wanting space, be honest about what you need. We’ve all been there and if she isn’t understanding it’s just kind of selfish, you have to do what is best for you.

Kristin Says:

I think that hits the break-up nail right on the head, y’all.

A lot of times we think we shouldn’t be sad, and we make excuses to ourselves to get what we want in the moment even though we KNOW what is ultimately best for us. Brains are tricky little assholes.

So, first things first (#imtherealest): You have to be honest with yourself. When you know that this girl is going to be at a place, you have to check in with that honesty and say, “Yes, I want to go. Yes, I wish I could go. But, I am going to skip it, because I know this is temporary and seeing her will only make me feel worse.”

It SOUNDS simple as pie (why is pie simple?), but we all know that it requires about the same amount of effort as climbing Mount Really-High. I couldn’t think of a good high mountain that started with Mount and I really wanted to say Mount. Is Mount Hood big? Do you all know what Mount Ranier is? Anyway, you get my point. OH MOUNT HELEN — MOUNT HELEN IS HIGH RIGHT?

A huge part of this is mustering up that strength each time you feel like you might slip, and an even huger part is time. I know, I know. No one wants to hear that… but that’s why we have really sad music and tissues and best friends.


ps: i looked up those mountains and it’s called mount st helen and im sorry. i apparently need a lesson on land masses. or whatever.


Everyone Is Gay has started a new project to help parents who have LGBTQ kids: Check out The Parents Project!


2 thoughts on “Relationship Grief

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *