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“How do you get your baristas who have known you for 2+ years to use your new preferred name/pronouns?”

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

The key here is feeling comfortable and confident. I think it’s so silly how worked up we get about making others uncomfortable. WHEN REALLY, we are all constantly growing and changing and it’s so much more important to feel good about it and be able to say I HAVE MADE THIS CHANGE THAT I LOVE AND I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER NOW.


Remember that you are doing this for YOU and not your barista. You want to feel good about telling someone you have different pronouns than they are using. These aren’t your preferred pronouns. These are your pronouns. This is you. That’s all there is to it! So when your barista says, “she’s getting the same!” all you have to say is, “actually, my pronouns are ‘they / them / theirs,’ I’m not going with ‘her’ anymore.” and when barista is like “omg shit i didn’t know” you can just say, “haha of course you didn’t, i literally never told you” and then if they’re still uncomfortable and all, “hah.. yea,” just say, “I would PREFER if you read my mind, but I totally understand if you’re not there yet.”

If your barista is still uncomfortable, guess what. THAT IS THEIR DEAL. You were polite and asked for a thing that will literally change your life. If every person you interact with uses your correct pronouns, the way that you feel about yourself, the validation that you receive, the message it sends to people who are also struggling with feeling comfortable using new pronouns.. it’s just… IT’S THE BEST. You’re asking for something REALLY FUCKING COOL.

You got this. There is no reason to feel uncomfortable just because you’re making a small change for someone. My dad always says, “when people say they hate change it makes me wonder if they wanted to stay in diapers forever.”

fuck diapers y’all

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