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"How do I deal with loving two people at once?"

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

You know, people say this is possible, but I don’t really believe it.

I mean, when Alec Baldwin loved Julianne Moore and Elizabeth Banks in 30 Rock, I sort of believed it, but I always knew deep down he wanted to be with Ansbury Jones(what was her name again?!) wayyyy more, you could just tell.

I think you can love two people, I think you can love a billion people. I don’t think you can be in love with two people at the same time AND I think you need to make a choice. If you really truly loved EITHER ONE OF THEM, you wouldn’t even be thinking about the other person. You know? You have no idea how much it can hurt to know the person you want to spend your life with could be just as happy spending their life with someone else. It sucks, it’s the worst feeling in the world.

Make a choice. You’re hurting the shit out of two people you care deeply about just because you’re being too selfish right now. Neither one of them deserves to be in a half-relationship.

Kristin Says:

This is a tough one, Anonymous.

I have never been in love with two people at the same time, but, unlike Dannielle, I do believe that it is possible. I believe that our hearts are capable of some insane shit, and I think this is probably one of the worst imaginable positions to be in, because the only logical next step is to be honest with both of the people you love about your feelings…which means hurting two people that you love deeply.

Here is the thing about loving someone, though: you are able to make decisions based on what will benefit both of you – and in this case all of you – in the longterm, and just right this moment. In the longterm, unless all three of you are open to a polyamorous relationship, you are going to be hurting them both by not being honest.

I am not sure if you are involved with both of these people, or if you are in a relationship with one and have fallen for the other…but either way, now is the time. You may lose them both, but the only way you can have an honest and truly loving relationship with someone is to share your heart with them – and that means your whole heart, Anonymous.

Talk to them both, separately. Tell them exactly how you feel. Share your confusions, your apologies and your struggle if they allow you to continue the conversation. Respect their hurt, and respect their choices. Know that you are doing the right thing by sharing yourself, completely, with the people you love.

Good luck.


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