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"I’m in love with my straight best friend. She is perfect. WHAT THE FISK DO I DO?!"

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

We get this question all the time, so we wanted to revisit because (1) helping people (2) FISK. LOLOLOOL.

Anywayzzzz. I was 100% head over heels, ready to lay in front of a bus for, could have been married that second, spend your life together, in LOVE with my straight best friend in college. What did I do? I asked her to date me almost every day. She said no almost every day. This story does not end in ‘turns out she was gay and we are in love now” at all. In fact, it was a helluva journey.

I didn’t tell her for a while that I was into her because I was afraid it would make things weird or uncomfortable or she would think I was an idiot or whatever. I just couldn’t do it. BUT Y’ALL. It was already weird and uncomfortable because I FELT WEIRD AND UNCOMFORTABLE. Once I finally told her and she was like ‘I’m not gay, tho’ things were a lot easier. I still totally wanted to date her, but I could make jokes about it, talk to my friends about my feelings, and I wasn’t obsessing over it in my head.

When I was obsessing over everything in my head, nothing made sense. I was convinced that when she said, “ooh i love this song” what she meant was “this love song represents how I feel for you.” Spoiler: SHE JUST ACTUALLY LIKED A SONG, THAT’S IT.

Also, what happens if she has feelings for you, too? If you don’t say something, you will NEVER KNOW. You will CONSTANTLY wonder. You will literally be thinking ‘what if’ for the rest of your life. And trust me, that shit will ruin you. I think you should totally say something.

Kristin Says:

Yes, there are two main things to remember when you are in love with your straight best friend. Since almost all of you are, have been, or will be in love with your best friend, pay attention:

1 – Things will, almost always, be weirder in the long run if you aren’t honest about your feelings. Bottled up love-feelings make you act in ridiculously strange ways, make you feel more and more distant from your friendship, and just turn your brain-head into general, all-around mush.

When I was in college, and in love with my straight best friend, I didn’t tell her for years. For YEARS I would think about what it meant when she’d ask me to come watch Felicity, I would be filled with enormous amounts of hope when I was asked to sleep over, and I would go out of my way to be present at any party that she attended (“what if THIS IS MY NIGHT?!”). Eventually, after my love-feelings were gone and I was in a long-term relationship with another lady, I told her about my past feelings. Her response? “Yeah, I knew all along. There was one night where I almost did roll over and make out with you.”


2 – It will be okay if you have feelings and hers are not the same.

You don’t have to pull a Dannielle and ask her to date you everyday (tho, you can and it works pretty well if you’re of a similar personality type). You can explain that you have some feelings and that you know she isn’t into ladies, but that because you value your relationship so very much… you just had to be honest so you could work through things.

Sure, if she says “I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU TO SAY SOMETHING,” and then romantic music swells in the background, and you kiss and flowers spring up all around you while a choir of angels descend… that would be wonderful.

If, however, she seems a little weird, or things feel a little wobbly, that is okay. If your heart feels like breaking into bits and you believe you’ll never love anyone like you love her: your heart will mend, and you will love other people. I can promise you that from over here on the other side. Be patient with your own feelings and remember that even if things are weird for a bit — a friendship, like any relationship, goes through ups and downs!

Your friendship will carry you through if things get a little wonky, and there’s a good chance that being honest will help you move through the feelings in a much healthier way.



179 thoughts on “In Love with Straight Best Friend

  1. I felt a MIGHTY NEED to add (hopefully) the first comment to this!
    Thanks for the much-needed, very timely advice! I think I will tell her soon… Otherwise I will keep being the best friend I can be and try to avoid making it creepy.
    Love you guys, keep doing what you do best!!

    1. Even after reading this article I’m still nor ready to confess to my best friend I’ve already decide that I will be his best friend if I can’t be his boyfriend as long as have him in my life I’m happy with just spending time with him if anybody would like to hear my story with him and how it’s going check it out at https://lovethrobe8.wordpress.com

        1. hey i am a girl but i have fellings for my gay friend and our friendship is very close and i want to tell him but i am very afriad that he will not speak to me what do i do?!

          1. @yvette I know this is a super late reply, but I would go for it and tell him how you feel! I’m a girl who developed feelings for my gay guy friend a few months ago, and when I finally admitted it to him…he said he felt the same way about me! He just didn’t know what to do because he thought he was gay. And now we’ve been dating for almost three months :) Now, I realize that this isn’t a typical case, but still. If he’s a close friend of yours like you say he is, then he will still be friends with you after you admit your feelings for him. If you don’t admit your feelings for him, then you’ll never know, and you might regret not having said anything. Best of luck :)

      1. Hi Lovethrobe8, I clicked on your link and I’m gonna go ahead and give my unsolicited opinion that you should just tell your friend! It doesn’t seem like he’d take it badly, and it seems like keeping it to yourself is only causing you stress and heartache. I think you should take the leap and see what happens! Good luck! <3

        1. I don’t agree with you I told my straight friend I like him and he stopped talking to me completely

    2. Am in love with this girl but i know she is straight and she is a strong believer she goes to church every day we actually go to the same church every time i see her i go crazy i know she will never feel the same way and it kills me inside but no one knows i like girls because if my family knew i don’t know what the would the always talk bad about gay people and say they will all go to hell i wish i could help how i feel about this girl but i can’t and is sucks and i really need someone to talk to.

      1. Urgh I know how it feels the girl I have feelings for is a strong believer too… I am not ready to tell her because what if she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore? I need her in my life, I don’t care if I suffer everytime she checks out a guy, I need her by my side. I know I’ll probably never tell her, and I’m okay with that as long as I can stay with her.

        1. I’m in love with my best friend but i know for a fact that she is straight but , I NEED her to like me back. But she thinks I’m straight to because I told her I liked a guy so I did’nt have to tell her. I want to tell her but i just can’t. I need help!

      2. I feel your pain, I’m attracted to a church friend who is same sex, I’m not even gay it’s only this one girl… there’s almost vibes but we are both dedicated Christians there’s no way to tell, I’m way too scared to ruin our friendship

    3. So I’m a gay guy, and I’ve been in love with my best friend for awhile now. I came out and told him and he said that he might not have the same feelings for me but he still wants to be my best friend. We’re still friends to this day, and I still have the same special feelings towards him, and he knows that. But telling that person might be the best thing that you can do if your in the same situation.

    4. This advice was extremely helpful. It made me feel less awkward and alone. However I’m not quite ready but I feel better prepared for when I finally do!

  2. I gave my best friend so many clues today and she says she understands what im trying to tell her. I havent spoken to her since (even though it has only been three hours) but im so nervous to talk to her…

    1. I’ve never acknowledged that I was gay until this year. I realized that I’ve been gay since I was 9. I’ve been having feelings for friends since I was accidentally kissed at 7, but as a young girl who had no idea what “lesbians” were, it was hard distinguishing between actual feelings and just caring.
      Recently, I’ve met this girl in my boarding school, and she drives me crazy. She’s funny, and cool, and she makes me insanely happy. I’m the only person who dares to confront her, and we’re on very good terms.
      I know I like girls, but I don’t know if this is another friend thing, or an actual crush. I know I’ll regret it if I don’t tell her before I leave. But I’m too scared to tell her. What if she rejects me, or starts acting all weirded out?
      No one knows that I’m gay, not even my family, and my best friend and family aren’t supportive of gays. I know that there are a lot of people in my school who bully gays, and while this girl supports gays, she is close friends with these people. What if she tells them?
      I think she’s straight too, from what I’ve heard. What should I do? Should I wait until these feelings go away, or should I tell her now in case I have a chance, or just full on confess on my last day?

      1. I know this isn’t exactly the same but… I had a huge crush on my friend and majority of mine and her friends where homophobic. My best friend was actually rude and cruel to me when she found out I was bi but eventually she came around and apologised to me. Anyways Back to the other friend whom I had a crush on, she knew I liked her but she didn’t care so she didn’t say anything, when I finally told her she was like ” yeah I know and it’s okay your still my friend I’m not gonna be weird about this, your still the same girl I knew 4 years ago”. We are still friends today and she treats me no differently. I know this isnt the same but I just wanted to say that I’ve dealt with homophobic people and they can be cruel but do what I did and ingnore them, they can’t hurt you if you don’t let them. That’s if you decide to tell the girl you like. good luck If you do.

  3. My “problem” is a little different than yours, but is the same essence. He’s gay, older than I, and works with me….
    And I have a crush since day one, I’ve tried telling him but I just couldn’t, the words wouldn’t get out of my mouth, repeatly. But the thing is, sometimes he does somethings that is kind of “I like you” signs, well, at least in my point of view. What should I do?

    1. I’m having the exact same problem. We have been best friends for 10 years and I don’t know if I should tell her.

      1. Been there also.. we’ve been friends for almost 16 years.. last april I confessed my feelings to her.. but unfortunately, she dumped me.. she said, better to be as friend. Nothings changed, we’ve texted and PM in viber almost everyday.. but i can’t face her because I’m still not over yet.. and I’m kinda shy on what I did to her. I want to ask her again if she give me a chance to court her but I don’t know how to say it or approach her again. What if she rejected me again. Pls. give me some advice.. Thanks!

        1. You should wait before you ask again. If you start talking to her again, you’ll probably be able to tell how she feels without asking her and possibly ruining your friendship.

  4. im bi-curious, never dated a girl but i think im falling for my straight best friend. She knows im bi-curious but dosnt know my feelings and not too sure if i should tell her. We have an amazing friendship and i admire her greatly! and wouldnt want to risk anything to lose her :( x

    1. U should tell her if she doesn’t wanna be friends anymore then she’s not ur real friend u have to try I remember I liked my BESTFRIEND and I waited months MONNNNNNTTTTTHHHHHHSSSSS to tell her but u gotta go for it

    2. I know I’m a lesbiend but I have only recently found out, I have a really good friend who is strait and I’m worried if I tell her that I think I love her it will make our friendship awkward and her little brother and sister see me as another older sibling so I can do anything!

    1. Don’t be, when I told my best friend I was inlove with her, she said she knew all along and was waiting on me to make the first move, now, we’re happy together

  5. I’m in love with my best-friend,so I try to avoid being around her. I.can’t stop thinking about her and wanting to marry her lol. I need heeeelp

    1. my bestfriend feels the same way about me lol. i advise you to tell her how you feel bc once my bestfriend told me even though im straight i started having feeling for her i couldn’t imagine having before. i recently got out of a relationship with my boyfriend but hopefully we’ll be something more than friends

    2. ok i know how u feel i can’t help u out with that but listen if u bottle it up inside it will hurt u more than her rejecting u

  6. uh I’m 13 and I’m bisexual. I’ve dated 2 guys before and they didn’t feel right. Then I met this chick at my school and I fell in love with her. Thing is, she likes guys and I have absolutely no chance at all with her. I don’t know but I think she might be trans because she is into football and soccer, she buys men’s clothing, she’s flat chested and has a boyish figure. If I didn’t know her as my friend, I would think she’s a guy. She is driving me insane though because I keep getting a picture of her stuck in my head. AGH!!!! I’m so in love with her it’s hazardous to my sanity!

  7. Guys im realy in luv with a classmate of mine ,we always make eyecontacts n she will be smiling back at me,l dnt really know if she feels the same way .

  8. I am a bi girl who’s a teensy bit in love with the most unavailable person EVER: a straight girl who’s dating a straight guy. My school has a fantastic Gay Straight Alliance where people talk about this stuff all the time… but my friend is in it. Sometimes I have to just get myself away from her so I don’t do something terrible like grab her hand or tell her I love her, which might be a little extreme. It doesn’t help that I can’t find anything wrong with her boyfriend :/

  9. i’m in love with my bestfriend to, i didin’t know that i’m a bisexual until this year, i wasn’t sure but i’m sure now she’s straight and she said that she can’t love anyone even if we kissed… i can’t even find a gf,
    PS i never felt this way before when we kissed actually, once a boy kissed me but i didin’t enjoy it i couldn’t feel the same way that he felt. this reason makes me be sure. if anybody intrested we can talk

    1. I understand you.. I have a crush on my best friend, and I think she’s straight.. I am also bisexual. I have kissed one girl before, and one guy. I have a preference for females, but still. I just want to show that I understand what you’re going through.

    2. hey imma bi girl but i like girls more and i actually wana be a dude im single i just got outa relationship with my bff who was also bi she cheated on me with a dude….anyway… i havent dated anyone in like almost a year bc i dont think i could trust anyone again bc her and i dated for 2 years she hates me now….:( but idk if u wana talk we could talk ig im not sure how old u r but im 15!! i play softball and basketball and im funny af!!

      1. I don’t know what state you live in but I live in Ohio. I’m 13 and a half and my favorite sport is basketball and I also love to play softball my team in the summer almost went to the Little League World Series. I’ve never dated a girl before but I’ve liked girls for a while and recently told my best friend I like one of our friends and don’t know if I should tell her or not. Let me know if you ever wanna talk;)

  10. What if it isn’t your best friend? And she has a boyfriend? I asked my closest friends and they said not to tell her but I really want to. Even if I did it might make it really awkward and I can’t avoid her because we are in the same homegroup at school but I also can’t stop thinking about her. I’m okay with her not liking me back because I already know it but I’m only hesitating because she might not accept me for who I am……there are so many times I’ve wanted to go up to her and tell her but I just don’t have the guts to in person. What should I do?

  11. I’ve been in love with my straight best friend for a while now. She’s in a relationship with one of our mutual friends and she’s always comparing us to eachother. She knows I love her. And he knows as well. She tells me she loves me and kisses my forehead and we cuddle but it’s all platonic. Her boyfriend is an okay guy and I thing he’s good for her as long as he keeps her happy but I feel like I’m being replaced but he and I both have the same fear of her leaving either one of us for the other. I’m just really confused because she acts like she likes me but I know that she doesn’t. I really have no idea what to do. I’m so deeply in love with her and it’s starting to hurt because their relationship is evolving and I’m stuck. I’m so confused and I just with someone would know what to do but no one does.

    1. Watch “somewhere only we know short film” on YouTube. It starts in greyscale with old people. It kind of explains your situation. It might not help in the way you’d like but it might feel good to see someone else struggling. I’ve been in love with my best friend for 5 years now, and it’s very hard. That video helped me

    2. Hi Katt,
      I might not know what to do in your case but I’ve been in a similar situation and if you ever want to talk about it, definitely email me. I’m ready to talk. my email is carobles11 at gmail.com.

    3. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you are me! Like you said, my best friend is very affectionate towards me. When we have sleepovers we sleep in the same bed and cuddle. She also likes to kiss me on the cheek and forehead and wrists. Nevef my lips though… Although one time she asked me to because she was upset with her boyfriend. I didn’t. I was too scared. The big difference is, she doesn’t know I like her (as far as I know…) And neither does her boyfriend. I really wish she did though.

  12. I have a best friend who is straight and i am bi and have a huge crush on her. If i could i would totally confess to her but the big problem is that she is also christian which means that she would have to go against her religion in order to date me even if she did like me. I want to tell her but i just know that she would be sad if i told her… So i keep my feelings in. It sucks!!

    1. Technically, homosexuality doesn’t go against Christianity, it goes against Judaism. I’m a homoromantic Christian, and I realise that religion is a relationship between a person and their God(s) or belief, not just a set of rules.

    2. I am in the same situation… Except that she’s leaving for another country in 2 months and I can’t imagine a year without her, and I’m so confused, I’d never fall for a girl before… Did you tell her in the end? How did it go for you?

      1. Wow I’m glad I found this post. I fell in love with a girl for the first time in my life a few months ago. I’m already married and she has a boyfriend that she loves. But every time I see her it gets harder and harder to keep this secret. Anyway she’s not from here and will be returning home again in the summer. I wrote her a long FB message explaining that I’m attracted to her. Now I am waiting to see what she says. I didn’t sleep much last night. She hasn’t received the message yet according to Facebook

  13. I have developed a massive crush on my best friend who is very straight (we’re amazed her parents still think she’s lesbian). She knows I swing all ways and she’s fie with it. I told her I had a crush on a straight girl and she joked about it being her and I laughed it off and pretended it wasn’t true. Her boyfriend is good to her and they’re very happy together, they haven’t had a fight and they’ve been together for almost a year. I don’t know what she’d do if I told her, I’m scared to find out. I don’t want her boyfriend to hate me either because that’d just make her sad. I just don’t know what to do.

  14. I confessed my feelings to someone I thought was my friend, she ran like hell. It’s been almost a year since we’ve spoken and I miss her everyday!! She is straight and I always thought I was until I met her.

    1. I’m married and recently met an amazing girl. she’s straight as far as I know but has been flirting a bit. Warming my hands in hers, sitting on my lap around the fire etc. is she just friendly or am I reading this correctly.
      She made me rethink everything I know about love and happiness.

  15. I’m falling in love with a straight (girl) friend, for 3 years now. Last week, I told her. She responsed really nice. But she’s not at all interested in me. She said she thinks she wil fall in love with a girl one day.
    I think about her all day. And have really no idea what to do. I told her to act normal to me. I’m so glad I told her. Since I’ve told her, I even like her better… But I have this idea she’s isn’t really comfortable with it? What should I do, I don’t want to text her al day… (That’s what I was doing, i guess she finds that annoying…) Please help me!

    I’m sorry for my bad english… hihi

  16. Here I am a year after this was posted Googling for help and I find my favourite two gay ladies dropping truth. Thank you thank you thank you for existing. My best friend… Shit we always think our best friendships are magical and perfect but anyway. I met her he day after I moved to a new city and we bonded instantly. I fell hard within a few weeks. She had just started dying a boy in the US (we be Canadians of the Toronto area) and damn. I was tormented. So I did what you two literally just suggested because I came to the same conclusions expressed: if I don’t tell her, I’ll be driving myself insane wondering “what if…”, I’ll feel horrible keeping somehow like that from her, yada yada. Not to mention she’d already become the only person I could talk to about confusing shit so I figured this was some confusing shit I should talk to her about.

    I also figured, if our friendship is ruined because of this, it’ll suck and be tragic but clearly it would have been far worse if I’d just held it all in.

    I finally told her. She knew I needed to talk to her about something big for a couple weeks. She just kind of froze, burst out laughing and said she bought my dad had died or something awful because I’d been acting so weird. She said “you know I’m straight, right?” I told her this wasn’t about me asking her out but me just being honest. She was flattered, glad I told her, we hugged and everything was cool.

    Fast-forward a few months to this jolly season of Christmas, she’s helped me through some big changes and transitions in my life and whatnot and suddenly feelings start creeping up again. I look at her every time she does something new with her hair and damn does she look good and I get stupid and nervous but I know now. It’s not a stressful, terrifying, “what if she has feelings for me too?” If ever that day comes she knows she can tell me about it, and that’s that. I can move through this just knowing I have this incredible friend.

    Telling her was the best move I ever made.

    Just wanted to share that ’cause your advice is true, it’s good, and figured testimony helps.

    So thanks for that.

  17. although its diff’nt , im inlove with my bi bestfriend , i dont know what should i do :( sometimes it feels like he wants me too , i do want to confess, but i can’t :'( cause i dont want to lose our friendship but im totally inlove with him what would i do ?

    1. I feel you dude..I think I may be in love with my best friend, she is unsure about her sexuality like i am and she always tells me “if anything im bi” or “once you find out I want to be the first to know” but honestly i dont know anymore..she calls me her girlfriend, she acts really flirty around me and we have like no boundaries, i always tell her that ill marry her someday and we call each other babe, baby stuff like that. So i honestly dont know what to do.. is she just being a good friend? or does she like me back? If I tell her i dont think she will act weird about it but it will definitely affect our really good friendship negatively..

      1. Yeah tell her. If shes straight then she would be cool with cuz u guys have a strong friendship. If she also loves you back then congrats!

  18. About a year ago I fell for my straight best friend. She knew I was bi, but I waited months before telling her I was into her. She was really weirded out by it and didn’t talk to me for a few days. Eventually we both got used to it and became best friends again. I had finally reached a point of being content with just being friends when she emailed me over the summer asking how I realized I liked girls. After talking for a while she admitted that she though she might like girls. I tried to find out if she liked me, but as far as I could tell, she was into some other chick. For months we went on with our lives and it wasn’t mentioned again. I noticed she was always trying to be as close to me as possible and she would lay her head on my shoulder when we were waiting for the bell in our school lobby, but I figured I was over analyzing so I didn’t say anything. Then, a few days before Christmas she emailed me in the middle of the night asking if I still liked her. Of course I hoped she was about to say she liked me too, but I tried not to get my hopes up. I told her that of course I did, and I was sorry if that was weird for her. She emailed me back instantly saying that she liked me too. I asked her out that night and we’ve been dating for over a month. It’s kind of a unique relationship, since we aren’t out we can’t go out on dates or hold hands in public or anything. We haven’t spent much time just the two of us, so I’m still working up the courage to kiss her, but I’ve never been this happy before. I never expected any of this to happen, but I am sooo glad it did. I know not every story turns out this well, but don’t give up. You’ll find your perfect match eventually ❤️❤️❤️

    1. You are so lucky! When I told my best friend she told me that she supports me and that she is straight. That’s it.
      Good luck with you and your gf/BFF.

  19. I’m bit curious and in love with my best friend, I love her as a friend and a sister and she loves me that way too. She likes guys and she talks to me about her crush and asks me for advice and it kills me little by little inside. I want to tell her I like her, but I dunno how shell react cuz before this some of our friends teased me abt liking her and I firmly told her that I was straight and didn’t….and I kiss her hair and act all motherly towards her which I really do feel, so I’m scared that if I admit my feelings for her shell see everything I did all the hugs and I love you’d I’ve given her as something else, and I’m scared shell think I’ve violated her when I honest to god didnt even try to. And plus im scared it would make this GS awkward, and also I live in a homophobic country for the most part…..
    Help please?

    1. i am in a situation whereby im in love with my best friend who is straight. i seriously thought i was straight until i met her. she is currently still single and we are pretty still hanging out quite often now. she doesnt know that i am in love with her. the thing is, she is very popular with guys and there is this guy that is interested in her and i think the feeling is mutual. i started to stalk her in facebook else whatsapp but i really hate what im doing now. i did thought of telling her how i feel towards her but im afraid i will end up losing her as a friend. anyway, have thought things through. if ever one day she is together with the guy, i will confess to her then. if she cannot continue to be friends with me, so be it. i guess i cannot stand being around them either. it will break my heart so bad. by then it doesnt really matter anymore even if we are no longer friends. at least i feel better having made known my feelings to her. and if i were to lose her friendship because of that, oh well so be it. it might be better as i do not need to be around them. i guess will be easier for me to move on from there. meanwhile i will just comtinue to stalk her. trust me, is umcontrollable.

    2. I can definitely relate to the whole dying inside every time you have to give her relationship advice. I’m in the same situation and unfortunately, I’m her first contact for relationship advice.. Honestly, I think that if you have the guts to upfront tell her your feelings, that would be better than questioning what could have been. Or, you could hint to her your true feelings, which is what I’m currently doing You can gauge her reactions to various things that you do. For example, I gave my friend a quick peck on the lips that came off as a joke and noted that she reacted shocked, but not disgusted, which I’m taking as a somewhat good sign. If she doesn’t accept you for who you really are, she’s not a real friend. So, I wouldn’t be as afraid of her reaction…just be prepared for the different outcomes. As far as the homophobic country, I have no advice..

    3. I can definitely relate to the whole dying inside every time you have to give her relationship advice. I am in a similar situation and unfortunately, I’m the person she immediately goes to for such advice. I’d advise, if you have the guts, to tell her about your feelings towards her. Or, if you’re like me and are terrified of rejection, drop hints of your feelings towards her and observe her reaction. For example, I recently quickly pecked my friend on the lips in a manner that could be taken as a joke in order to gauge her reaction, which ended up being shock, but not disgust – which I take as a good sign. The worst possible outcome is not knowing how she truly feels about you, and until you have that answer, you’ll constantly be wondering. If she doesn’t accept you for who you are, then she isn’t a true friend. It will take some time, but you will get over it. I would be prepared for any outcome that may occur. As far as for the homophobic country, I have no advice. Good luck, keep us updated!

  20. I have fallen hard for my straight on-off friend. I’m bisexual and told her last year that I looked her…I was very hesitant and had not seen this site or anything else..in fact I hadn’t even come out to anyone that I was bisexual. So anyways, Jelly (random name for her) being herself managed to persuade me into telling her who I liked (she is very persuasive..and attractive) and so she finally found out that I liked her, that I was bi…she promised to be normal but things were different after that..probably my fault…anyways I’m gonna skip to the summer holidays..over the holidays I thought I didn’t like her..and on the first week back at school ( year 9) I took no notice of her…but the second week came and I started to feel the familiar feeling towards her. Now, I am falling hard for her and I don’t know what to do…I mean I have just started to drop subtle hints and am planning to give her more hints…but I don’t want her to know that I like her like that again…I mean she is the only one who I feel able to talk to and not be judged..and she is sooo understanding to…what should I do? She is soo perfect and. Compared to her I am nothing more than the leftover remnants of rotted away rubbish…help. I dont know what to do…

  21. idk this is so odd to me because ive never even thought about my sexuality until her and shes so straight and i think im bi and damn shes so pretty and funny and she makes me really happy, she flirts with me and we “pretend’ date and damn its turned into i actually really like her but like she has this internet boyfriend and i really wanna tell her how i fee but i dont because someone once told me its not fair to tell someone your feelings because that will get them questioning their sexuality and man idek what the hell to do

  22. 13 i have liked this girl for a year now im not sure what to. Her name is kate e and i really want to tell her but i dont want to be rejected or lose my friendship with her. She says she is straight but my bffs dont think so. Help

  23. Im a lesbian with nearly 25 yrs behind me,in my 40’s.I fell hard for my straight friend who’s just a little older.She flirted outrageously as did i,but thinks got very intense.As she was mega straight i wouldnt make a move but it felt like she was wanting and waiting for me to.I started to feel very anxious and unhappy and eventually told her about my mad crush just to get it out and release the tension.I wasnt waiting for reciprication.Instead i got silence.And ten weeks later i wonder what i ever meant to this woman.I feel used,ugly and disgusting for telling her.Yet im angry.Angry she thought i was “safe” to flirt with?Angry at her response to this?Shes a mature woman and she has reacted like a child.I’m getting over it.But dont think if there was ever a chance for friendship again that i could have it.I didnt go out to hurt her.But she has crushed me with the silence.

  24. Oh god, I’ve been in love with my best friend for months. I’ll gain enough courage to tell her then chicken out of the situation. 13 almost 14, I’ve known I liked other girls for a while now… I’m bisexual, she knows I am. We are so close, sha admitted that she was starting to think she may like girls even though she has a boyfriend. She hasn’t officially told me anything about her sexuality and I want to know so badly. We have almost EVERYTHING in common, the shows we watch(anime mostly), drinks we like(in love with black tea), food, opinions, personalities, activities we like to do, etc. It is hard not too tell her but it is harder to tell her. I just want tone able to hold hands, kiss, cuddle and stuff like that as a couple and not JUST friends. My parents wouldn’t approve but I want it so badly. We have bee friends since we were both 5. She lives down the street and I am welcome into her home anytime I would like. I have sleepovers often and we email back and forth constantly. Uuuuuuuuggggggggghhhhhhhhh… Love hurts…

  25. Okay so I’m in my 20’s and I’m gay and in love with my gay best friend. But this isn’t the first time I’ve done this either. But I’ve never met someone as amazing as my best friend. We’ve been spending a lot of time together and have been talking about moving in together. He sleeps around more than I do and quite honestly is out of my league. Every once in awhile he hints at things like “oh I thought that was you cuddling me and I got excited” or something along those lines. And then we are watching tv in my bed together and our arms touch and he moves away. Idk. “Fisk” I have a tendency to be slightly delusional and obsessive and I would never want to toss away a solid friendship just for da cuddles.
    And my other fear is that even in some hypothetical world where we start cuddling and stuff, I would just be an emotional band aid until he finds somebody who he want to sleep with.
    I dont know. I’m lost. I’d love a response if you have the time :)
    On a side note, I grew up in a really homophobic town and would stay up until 3a when I was in high school just so I could read your blog :) thank you for all the love and support you girls have fostered over the years. I mean this genuinely when I say it has changed my life.

  26. I’m 16 and bi and in love with two of my best friends, one being bi and the other straight. We all act as if we’re a thing but now its getting hard. My straight bff is talking to this guy and tonight at church my bi bff held hands with me and stroked it with her thumb. I just don’t know what to do.

  27. I thought I was the only one, I’m having the same problem and I’m in middle school. Even though this was posted a long time ago, I like my best friend, I don’t know if she’s straight or not, but I think she likes me back too but it might be all in my head…help?

  28. Okay so just reading this site gives me good hope! I’m bi curious just to let you all know. I’ve been best friends with a girl for two years now and I’ve developed feelings for her. She’s so pretty! We hang out all the time and sleep over and what not. The things is that she’s never had a boyfriend, I don’t know if this means she likes girls or she’s just never liked a boy and she’s straight? So at the moment I have no idea what her sexual reference is. I want to tell her that I’m bi before I tell her that I like her. We go to school together and hold hands in the corridors, hug and lean on each other when watching films. We always sing love songs to each other and we always joke around, we made a plaque if we’re both not married by 39 well marrie each other. The other day she called us sisters with benefits! I’m getting mixed sighs from her and I like her. Should I just go for it? X

  29. I’ve got a crush on a female friend who is married. I’m a female single. She and I are very good friends. I have a fantasy that we have a secret lesbian relationship. I haven’t said anything to her. Almost did today…

    1. Just wanted to tell someone that I am a married female with a crush on a single female friend. I don’t know if she is straight, but i like to think my gaydar is good :) It’s been years. Like, we’re both in our thirties. And getting old haha. I like to think we are very good friends, she knows me better than most, and just being around her makes me happy and silly. I actually can’t be around her sometimes because I make stupid decisions and come off awkward and retarded. I haven’t said anything to her, and probably never will. Sometimes i daydream and almost say things…
      This is like confession! Ha!
      Any advice Suzie?

      1. If your married there is a good chance she is waiting on you to make a move. If she cares about you you she may not want to hurt your relationship with your husband. So until she knows otherwise she may not pursue.

  30. so im in a pickle. a couple weeks back my friend who i have a crush told her friends she thinks i like her. her friend told me this yesterday. i do drop some hints, like helping her. i havent come out to anyone bc what if this is just a crush. she claims to have never said that. she said she likes me, but as in friendship kind of it. she and i are a lot closer now, and i have no idea what to do. i have mixed feelings: some of me still has a crush, some wants me to quit seeing her that way, and some feels what if she likes me back. i dream at night about hugging her for what feels like hours. plz help. im 13.

    1. ok so theres a guy she likes thats transferring schools for her.she comes to the soccer games and he comes. it makes me sick when theyre together. my bff who goes to his school says he was texting someone hey babe and it wasnt my friend. do i have a chance or should i quit thinking i do?

  31. I’m not sure if she’s bi but i know that she once liked a girl before, she even told me that she’ll never go out with a girl but that was like 4 yrs ago and till now she had’nt had any crush or bf ever since , we are so close to ech other, i even defined us as soulsister to her and she absolutely like the idea

    We both want the same thing like #Buttahbenzo the gay thing and even use the same d.p and status in whatsapp and our mtual friends even teasr us coz i once had crush on her and she knew that , well i confesse myself a few months ago, she actually didn’t believd me and ask me a proove but i said i did’nt want to bring out the past , now ee act like nothing everhappened like crush

    Well, i was really over her coz i knew that i will never be with her but we talk to each other like everytime., and i started to fall for her again, i cares for her and will to do eveything for her, then she did it too..
    I never try to tell he how i feel coz i myself is’t even sure of it … But my friends said i fell for her .. Neway i will never tell her ciz i’m just so scared and don’t want to ruin this friendship , this trust , everthing we’re now
    But somehow i want her to know my feelings as sometimes i feel like she liked me too… We wish each other a a goodnight sleep every night but now as she’s in the hostel she told me to reread our old convos and know that she wished me every night cause i can’t sleep if she didn’t wish me..
    Now that she’s gone i miss her so much hoping she’d miss me too
    What should i do?
    Should i try to move on while she’s gone or should i wait her

  32. “What did I do? I asked her to date me almost every day. She said no almost every day.”

    Gross. Gross and creepy. How would you feel if a guy friend did this to you?

  33. So here is the thing, i am straight and asexual (so i am open to romantic relationships, but don’t feel attracted to anyone) and i have the most amazing best friend ever. We are so close we could be married, and i am not sure if i love her, or am in love with her. I am not lesbian, but she makes the lines blurry. Just her. Thing is she is firmly straight, and has a huge crush on a guy in our school.

  34. My problem is very different but also similar to a lot of these. So I have a friend and I realized that I was bi until the beginning of the school year. I had known her the year before but I wasn’t at all attracted to her (braces? I don’t know).Let’s call her # It was this year that I realized that I really liked her but haven’t had the courage to tell her because I had a feeling it would destroy our friendship. Now, we are like semi-best friends. I say this because in my really good group of friends, there are even closer friendships like the friends’ parents know each other very well. I am not on that level of being a best friend like that so it would be weird if I ask to hangout without any of my other friends. I have told her that I was bi and she said that she was a mix of being surprised, happy, and confused.
    Rewind to earlier in the year: We had a lock down drill in the ONLY period I have with # and decided to sit up front and she comes to sit next to me. After sitting next to me for a good 15-20 seconds, she laid her head on my shoulder for what seemed like forever. I kept as still as possible when that happened.
    In the same period, our class was in the computer lab for that hour and the teacher was assigning groups by numbers but I didn’t get a number so the teacher just told me to go to the group up front. Guess who was in that group? #. So of course I was excited to be in the same group as her. While discussing this group project, I needed to see something so I had to reach across her lap and she somehow found a way to rest her head on mine again although it didn’t last as long.
    I haven’t been able to tell if she is “a smol gay” as my friend told me who came out to me the same time I did to her. She had said that she noticed that whenever a boy would pass by, she wouldn’t pay much attention but when a girl passed by she would. Another thing that confused me is this girl, let’s call her Haley, had been hugging # a lot which set me off a bit. I figured that I couldn’t be mad because it wasn’t like we were dating. They had just got done hugging when Haley said loud and clear “If I were a lesbian I would so take you out” and said again a few minutes later “yeah if I were lesbian I would date you”. Just like anyone else would be, I was a little pissed off but mostly jealous. But what made me feel better was that # laughed it off and didn’t think it was weird or anything. She also had a boyfriend for like a week and they barely talked when they were dating (we are pretty young so I’m not surprised). I have an older friend who I have talked about this with and he insists that I tell her and flirt but I don’t want to date yet.
    One of my concerns is if my behavior is obvious. I say this because the teacher of the class that I have with her has to know what’s up. In almost every quarter, we would be sitting next or in close proximity to one another. My teacher had like-hate behavior toward me because I “talked in class a lot” so it confused me as to why she would seat me next to her a lot.
    The only thing that I hate with my personality is my lack of ability to show affection. I am the type of person to stray from hugging and hand holding even if it’s in a non romantic way. I have wanted to hug her and whatnot but I know it would be weird for me and also for her because she knows I don’t do that stuff.
    I find myself thinking about her a lot on a day to day basis. I have told some of my friends about my feelings for # but I wouldn’t be surprised if she already knows due to rumors being spread and all that stupid stuff. To be honest, I want her to know so it would make me feel better that she continued to treat me like the person she knew who was just a friend a year ago. I hate it because it’s not like we are super best friends because I don’t know what to do. She said she is not into girls when a friend of mine asked but judging from the events up until now, that doesn’t seem to be true. Help! What do I do?

  35. I am in love with my best friend but she is straight and has a boyfriend she is so funny and pretty she makes me so happy. The hard thing is that I go out to her almost everyday and I can’t stop feeling this way about her what do I do

  36. I’m a bisexual female and in love with my best friend Natalie who is also bi. Natalie and I are probably the most ‘couple’-ish friends. We cuddle, kiss each other’s cheeks, hug, hold hands, compliment each other, change together, you name it. But sadly she likes another girl named Chloe who I am friends with. I’m happy that she likes girls but sad that I have 0 chance with her.
    Sometimes we tell each other that ‘i love you’ but it’s never romantically. I remember texting her that I like a girl to see how she would react. She started to freak out in a good way and started to guess who by listing girls in our old class. Then she replied saying ‘me’ with a bunch of kissy emojis and I pretended it wasn’t, saying ‘lol u wish, dork’. She replied, ‘pff no I like Luke, not u, thats gross’.
    I cried that night.
    I didn’t care that she liked Luke, I cared that the thought of me liking her was gross. So I decided to lie and say I liked a girl named “Riley” who doesn’t exist. Everyday she says ‘this is u and riley’ when she sees something romantic or sexual and I laugh saying ‘I have no chance’ but she argues. If only she knew.
    I love her to pieces. I hang out with her 24/7 and when we don’t, she texts me everyday saying ‘are u free’ and I either say ‘im busy sorry’ or ‘yeah but im home alone’. We love facetiming though. We once talked for 7 hours straight and we watched movies on Netflix that she showed me by holding the phone to the screen. We also play 20 questions even though we know eachother. She once asked ‘if you could date any girl in our class, who would it be?’ I blushed a bit and said ‘Either you or Chloe’ and she took it as a compliment.
    Right now, I am laying in bed typing this while I’m texting Natalie. What do I do now?

    1. Hey, She probably likes you. If you see her staring at ya and when you caught her staring and turning her head away, that means it might be a chance she likes you back. Also, be more romantic, show her evidence that you like her. Touch her hand or smile at her. Be nice, when she needs you be there for her. Now that I`m thinking that`s a good advice for me.

  37. I saw my BFF who I have a massive crush on watching lesbian porn and we had a sleepover and she grabbed my ass and bed and I smiled at her and she smiled back, we’re going on vacation together and sharing a room! What should I do!!!!

  38. My male best friend is in love wt me. Am older than him and I dont ve e same feelings for him but he told to me he is in with me.what do I do.he has a girlfriend and I ve a boyfriend

  39. Hi! I’m 13 and I love my best friend Hannah. During the school year, we only get to see each other on the bus at the end of the day, but it’s a really long ride so we sit and chat, mainly just joking around and such. Around the beginning of the summer break I realized that I’m a lesbian (thought I was bi before but nope!) and along with that, I am seriously in love with Hannah. Her hair, her jokes, her voice, her freckles, I could go on and on. The problem? I don’t know if she likes girls. I know she likes guys because she gushes about her crush to me all the time which I don’t mind at all, I just wish it was ok to ask something along the lines of “do you like chicks?” Without sounding like I’m flirting. Even if, by some miracle, she did end up liking and dating me, we’d only get to date a year because she’s in the grade below me and I’m going to high school next year. I have no clue what to do, I really love her but I don’t want to ruin the amazing friendship we have because I can’t keep my mouth shut. Any advice would be absolutely magnificent, thanks.

  40. I been friends with I’ll say Lilly for 3 years now. She texts ‘I love you”all day I do have a crush on her and I’m in love with her. She always kisses me on the cheek and says I feel as though your my other half. She posts things about on Facebook about going with women as a joke and joked with me that she’s going lessons and said nah just kidding! But when I sleep over she keeps her her distance when sober.but when drunk she hugged me every 5 minutes. She says she would never be with a women this is so confusing

  41. Hi. okay, here’s the thing. my best friend is straight and she flirts with me all the time. i came out to her on her 14th birthday, because i said something about this girl i have a massive crush on.(we’re homeschooled by the way, and so is my crush)
    this is how it went;
    Me: She was really cute.
    BFF: ooooo, going to the dark side, are you?
    Me: i’ve kinda always been on the dark side…
    Me: you have a problem with that?
    BFF: wait, just so i’m not misunderstanding anything, do you like girls?
    Me: yup.
    Me: i’m gay…
    (i’m thinking “WTF?!”)
    Me: wait, what?
    BFF: i knew it, i just knew it.

    so anyway, that was how i came out to her.
    but the reason i’m writing this is because she’s really suggestive and makes some sort of sexual innuendo in every conversation. i do too, and we’ve turned each other on multiple times.
    she’s actually told me that she was to pin me on the bed and show no mercy. she said this because i was teasing her about her yaoi (boy love) obsession.

  42. I have a similar problem.
    Last year I started varsity and met this really funny gay guy and we hit it off and became good friends. This year has been a hectic one emotionally for me and we have gotten super close. He’s always there for me, I spend more time at his place than my own, I’m forever sleeping over and he has even introduced me to his parents. He is so supportive and such an amazing friend, we talk about everything from sex, heartbreak to random theories about the universe. He has even said we are soul mates. The only problem is that I am crazy, head-over-heals in love with him! I really want to tell him but I respect his sexuality and don’t want him to get angry at me because I can’t accept him for who he is. Another thing that makes me not want to tell him is we watch a lot of gay films together and in the one film there was a straight girl who fell in love with a gay guy and he told me he couldn’t handle if I fell in love with him, he can’t imagine hurting someone like that.
    What should I do? I’m going insane, always overanalysing everything, obsessing over him and how he means the world to me. I don’t want to feel like this anymore, I don’t want to lose him and the friendship we have….help

  43. You know on YouTube how people always do this ‘shipping’ thing? On my channel my fans have shipped me with my best friend, who I have a massive crush on. For appearances, we go along with it in the videos and now it has become an inside joke within my friends. Because of this, we often act a little more than platonic, but I dont know how much is a joke anymore

  44. I’m in love with a bit sexual girl but I’m lesbo and (I was born a mother freaking lesbo) she is like a sister to me but I am head over heels in love with her and I just want her but I told her how I feel and she doesn’t feel he same but as the artical said I also asked her out EVERYDAY I’m such an annoying mofo but srsly I would kill for her and I just want her so if y’all have any tips or methods hmu bro

  45. I want to share my feelings and hoping that you all give me some advice and realization about my situation. Well, i have this friend i like her for a long time now and then there was a time that we are both drunk well not so drunk just a little tipsy i guess and then she said something out of the blue that made me so shocked and she said she’s bisexual but then she changed her mind and said she’s a lesbian. Im so confused that time cause she has a boyfriend and she looks so girly that you will never suspect her as bi or lesbi. I really like her until now but i never open again our conversation that we have that night and same with her because of awkwardness i guess . But maybe she knows that i like her so she said that to make me confess to her or maybe shes up to something. There was a time that she said she has two friends that both bisexual and its okay to her she even supported them but then i dont think that shes one of them/us cause i saw her as straight as a ruler even if sometimes i feel like shes flirting me she even tell me once that its okay to her if some bi/lesbi likes her but she said that she cant imagine or she dont want to have a romantic relationship with same sex it doesnt feel right for her. Thats why im so confused right now she gave me alot of mixed signals and i hate it cause i dont know what to do . So give me some advice and knock my senses that she will never ever love me back..

    P.s. i never confess to her because shes my friend and i dont know if she knows something about my feelings

    1. It sounds like she had a little too much to drink. I imagine that she is bi-curious and might be up to something. She may be trying to get a confession out of you if you have been dropping hints towards her for a while or she might actually me interested in you. I know that looks can be deceiving, especially since no one has pinned me as bisexual yet – so she might at least be bisexual. I’m unsure how she already knows that she doesn’t want to have a romantic relationship with the same sex if she hasn’t already tried it, so I think that may be a crappy excuse to cover up her mixed signals she is giving you. I’d say, pursue her and see what comes out of it, even if you are only being subtle. Best of luck, keep us updated!

  46. I’ve known my best friend for 10 years and since 2 years ago I think ive started liking her more than a friend. These days she’s constantly on my mind for absolutely no reason. Everytime I see her I grin and I just always look forward to seeing her. This may be a little embarrassing but I’m attracted to her smell, she smells like heaven and I occasionally catch a wiff of her when she’s not there. I really do want it to work out she’s been hinting lingering her hand on mine a little to long or playing with my hair. She even said she was questioning her sexuality after my other friend asked her. I’ve decided to wait it out and truly understand my feelings

  47. I know I’ve been in love with my best friend for a while now. But it’s hard for me to admit it since I never told anyone about my sexuality before. I feel like sometimes she might feel the same way. She is always flirting with me in a playful way and a couple times at previous parties we were both drunk and took pictures of our tongues touching but we’ve never kissed. One night we were both really drunk at a party and she told me that she has a feeling that her and I will kiss at the end of the night but it didn’t happen. At the same time I’m confused because she hates affection. I always try to cuddle with her at sleepovers but she hates it. But even when she says she hates it, she ends up being the big spoon and puts her arm around me while she thinks I’m asleep. Maybe she’s doing it unconsciously but it does happen quite often… I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to risk losing her. She means so much to me and I value my friendship with her too much to even risk the chance of losing her. I think about her every minute of the day and wonder what would happen if I did tell her. Sometimes I’m with her and I just fall in love with everything she does. I always hold myself back because I don’t want our friendship to be ruined. I don’t know what to do, I don’t even know if I have the guts to tell her but I know I’m in love with her

    1. Haha, is this my life story? I’m finally coming to terms with my sexuality while acknowledging my feelings for my best friend. Does she only flirt whenever she is drunk? She is obviously not afraid to at least be moderately intimate since she allows your tongues to touch and spoons you while despising affection. I personally think that she is into you since she is overlooking her negative feelings for affection. If you can muster up the courage, I’d say go for it and at least hint at your feelings for her to her and see where that takes you. From the little information you gave, I think that there is a good chance you’ll like the outcome. But, be prepared for any outcome and remember that almost everything heals with time. Good luck and keep us updated!

  48. I’ve been like in love with my friend for some time now ever since I met her pretty much. We met in June and she works with me as my personal attendant where I currently live and I can’t stay here for very long. I’m trying to get another place hopefully an apartment. Anyways,I’ve been having these feelings for my friend and I think she has feelings for me too. She’s unhappily married to an abusive man, and I’m single. And I think she has feelings for me because: ever since the beginning,she pokes me and I poke her and we do fart noises and get really goofy/silly together. She sticks her tongue out at me and I do it back. We make weird faces. And she compliments me kinda often. And it sounded like she called me sweetheart and baby at the mall on Friday August 5,then on Monday,August 8,it sounded like she called me baby and amora which means love. Then on August 9 she called me babe “I don’t know babe.” Then on Friday August 12,she called me chica bonita which means pretty girl and she said “I don’t know,my (my first and last name).” She compliments me kinda often. And earlier we were talking about how I never get tired of her, and we were having a great conversation that was kinda funny and fun too. Then I told her “I love you” she said “Awww that’s sweet. I love you too. You’re my friend.” And I think she likes how I have big boobs and she said she wants big boobs. I saw her looking at my boobs and bra when I was putting on my shirt and she said “chee chee” which means boobs. That’s what my little nephew calls them.

  49. Hey,I go by the name of lily the thing is that I have the same problem I once told this girl I met few days back that I liked her and she properly rejected me coz she is straight and she has a bf,but the thing Is that I love her so much, so what should I do I need help

    1. Same exact situation. The thing is, I can’t imagine leaving the guy, but I’m afraid of always wondering “what if” if I don’t pursue my straight best friend. Keep us updated!

  50. I’m not sure if I’m gay for this girl or just crazy. It’s gotten to a point now where I kinda hope I’m just gay because otherwise I’m a really obsessive, clingy, jealous friend. I can’t understand any other reason why I would think about her this much and this intensely. I literally crave her attention and approval and feel pretty pathetic about it. Im so absorbed in everything about her, her voice, her appearance her mannerisms and just want to stare. I have a history of being fixated/idolising my female friends and I’m not sure if this is normal for a lesbian crush or I have some obsessive personality disorder or something? This has been going on for 3 years and it’s driving me crazy!!!!!!!!!!

  51. I’ve met a girl 4 months ago. I know it’s a very short time but we see each other EVERY DAY since three weeks now. She’s straight but she knows that I’m bisexual. She’s very curious and asks me a lot of questions so we talk a lot about it. The thing is I don’t know what she does, but i never felt this way before. I’m not really a clinging of a person but I have to see her everyday otherwise it isn’t a good day. Once I had cold and she gave me her sweater, I sleep with it every night because her smell is so good, its like I’m right next to her and thats all i want, all the time. She had a really hard time with her family when she was younger, and me too. And even if we don’t no us for a very long time I could tell her everything, the last person i told about what happened was my best friend for 3 years. She told me lately that she never kissed a girl before but that she wants to kiss a girl now. I know this sounds like flirting but i don’t think that she meant it like this. I just don’t wanna lose her, and i don’t want to tell her because i fear that even she were totally okay with it, it would ruin our friendship and i couldn’t see her at all. And thats all I want. Everything she does, what she says, how she moves, inspires me. She’s the most beautiful human being on the whole earth and i have the privilege to know her. She does everything for me and she told me she would never leave. I think she really does like me but not in that way. In a friends way.
    On one side it hurts, i wanna tell her, i wanna kiss her and just be with her all the time. She asked me to me truthful to her if i fall in love with her at the beginning when i told her i was bisexual.
    But I just can’t. If I lose her I could never trust a girl again. I could never love someone again the way I love her.
    She’s so special.

    ( Ps: I’m from Switzerland so sorry for my english, and it’s nice to see that I’m not the only one that feels this way.)

  52. My PlanA
    I have been in love with my best friend for 17 years. OMG it feels so good to say that! Three relationships down the line, my feelings haven’t changed for her. When I was 18 she asked me to be with her but I laughed it off and said “whatever, your straight.” I think about that decision a lot, and deep down I know it was the right response. But what if? What if she hadn’t married a few years later and had 2 children with him? We are still very close, but because I value her friendship so much and was not raised to be a home wrecker, our relationship remains platonic. I’ve had relationships over 3 years (one was 6 years!) but can’t seem to hold down a successful relationship. It’s almost self-sabotage, I get myself into situations that won’t go anywhere and patiently wait for a solution.

    I see her every month to catch up over dinner or a show, and every month I tell myself “this time when I see her, I need to be honest with her.” But I don’t, I chicken out. I am afraid of running the risk of making this weird and loosing what I have. I work so hard at resisting her for the good of all involved, and I may not be able to do that after laying my cards on the table. Instead, I wait for openings within our conversation and make lame attempts at discretely professing my undying love. By the end of it, she just thinks I’m a comedian and I go home to spend another month nursing my aching heart.

    We have spoken about a planB pact years ago, but what she don’t realise is that has always been my planA.

  53. My PlanA

    I have been in love with my best friend for 17 years. OMG it feels so good to say that! Three relationships down the line, my feelings haven’t changed for her. When I was 18 she asked me to be with her but I laughed it off and said “whatever, your straight.” I think about that decision a lot, and deep down I know it was the right response. But what if? What if she hadn’t married a few years later and had 2 children with him? We are still very close, but because I value her friendship so much and was not raised to be a home wrecker, our relationship remains platonic. I’ve had relationships over 3 years (one was 6 years!) but can’t seem to hold down a successful relationship. It’s almost self-sabotage, I get myself into situations that won’t go anywhere and patiently wait for a solution.

    I see her every month to catch up over dinner or a show, and every month I tell myself “this time when I see her, I need to be honest with her.” But I don’t, I chicken out. I am afraid of running the risk of making this weird and loosing what I have. I work so hard at resisting her for the good of all involved, and I may not be able to do that after laying my cards on the table. Instead, I wait for openings within our conversation and make lame attempts at discretely professing my undying love. By the end of it, she just thinks I’m a comedian and I go home to spend another month nursing my aching heart.

    We have spoken about a planB pact years ago, but what she don’t realise is that has always been my planA.

  54. What should I do if I’m not really sure what gender I like, and my friend is kind of flirting with me? I love her to death but we are teens and it seems kind of awkward…help!

  55. Okay so recently I have come out as being bisexual to my straight best friend. im only young 13 years of age. Anyways whenever im near her i get this sense of happiness but also awkwardness. When i first came out to her i liked her… alot… When i told her the first thing she said she supported me. I was happy at that point, a few days later she texted me and said ” Have you ever thought about kissing me?” I was really scared to answer the question but i did and i answered truthfully. I said yes, and the response i got was “is it weird i have thought the same thing too” At that point we started to have a conversation. We saw each other the next day at school and it wasn’t really that awkward. However days went on i started to feel a bit awkward around her randomly. I would sometimes try and keep my distance but i would always feel so mean or stupid ignoring her. When we were good we would make little jokes about my sexuality and stuff like that. I haven’t told anyone else because idk how they would react. Because im so young people might just be like wtf.

    A few weeks past and another friend of mine changed her look completely and she looks so good. I never had really thought of her as being i would like i that way but recently i am confused to wether i like her or my best friend or just no one right now. I have had a major crush on my best friend and i think i still do but idk if i like my other friend (who is straight…i think…) I have sometimes just wanted to kiss both of them. My best friend doesnt know that i like her alot, but i think she has been able to pick up on the fact that i might like her. My other friend doesnt know im bi and just thinks im straight.

    Im really confused and really awkward right now. I dont know what to do because i a so young. I feel im to young to think im Bisexual but i know i am and i have to accept it. I just wish i could talk to someone older (not my parents im not ready to tell them).

  56. I told her and now our friendship is so much healthier. We’re way more confident with each other now and we make jokes and stuff. I’m happy I told her :3

  57. I like this girl but only two of my closest friends know I’m gay. I don’t know if this girl is straight but I’m 90 percent sure…but when I hang out with her she’s always next to me and she’s touchy. And I always catch her looking at me or my lips. I’m not that close to her but I’ve known her for 5 years, she’s my best friend’s best friend. I don’t know if I should tell her…help

  58. I’ve been best friends with my best friend since I was 4 THEN I REALIZED I HAD A HUGE CRUSH ON HER WHEN I WAS 10 and now I’m 14 and it’s like “plz stop being cute so my heart doesn’t burst”

  59. Well, just thought I should say something. Me and my bestfriend were so inseparable, but we got in a fight about a month ago and we haven’t been friends since. Her birthday came across and I wanted to say happy birthday but nothing came out. She texted me later that day and said that someone had told her I was too nervous to. So, she said thanks. And we got along pretty well for not being friends. *all this time I’ve been very sad we weren’t friends* as time went by.. I was feeling worse and worse. I tried talking to her but she simply just doesn’t wanna be friends. We’re both girls btw. Me and her had been friends for three years and out of any of my friends she was the best and we told each other stuff and trusted each other the most. Honestly she was a lot like me and she understood me. Time flew and I’m starting to feel almost suicidal. Long story short…i haven’t really said this to anyone. . But I think I’m in love with her… I am not against LGBTQ+ Community, but I just never thought that I could be in the community. I’m not saying I am… But the way I feel is really strong. But I haven’t told anyone because I’m scared. Its just that I don’t think I’d feel this way if it was just a friendship I had to let go of. Anybody, advice? :(

    1. As you said, you were best friends, I think you both deserved to be friends again even not close as before. But if she doesn’t want it, respect her decision. The question is what caused your separation? Just try to reach out to her again, talk and tell her your feelings. Just be ready for any consequences. This is not just about feelings, it’s about how you feel about yourself feeling this, right? And being honest helps a lot. It wont promise no pain, but it sure stress releaver.

  60. I’m currently in college and I have a crush on my (I guess you can say best) friend. She’s 21, I’m 19. She’s like hella straight and I’m pretty much into girls, although I’ve dated guys before. I’ve had a crush on her for a few weeks now. I’ve always thought she was beautiful but I’ve really just started noticing I like her a bit more than as a friend. I kinda get upset when she talks about guys and stuff and I know its wrong becaise she’s not my girlfriend or anything but it doesn’t stop my feelings from getting in the way and me getting jealous and acting a certain way towards her. I think she kinda noticed today though when she was talking about this one guy in my class that she finds attractive. She was talking about him and I just tried to smile and joke through it even though it was killing me inside. I guess she noticed my mood changed and she kept staring at me and stuff. It was weird. I don’t know what to do because we literally see each other EVERYDAY. Maybe I should just distance myself for a while? Wouldn’t she get suspicious though and think something is wrong? I just don’t think I’m ready to tell her yet :(

    1. Hey Talisa,
      I am in the same situation just that I am the 21 one and she is 19. I really hope just like how you likes her, she could like me the same way. I can’t tell what she thinks about me, although 80% not romantic love, and I don’t know if I should confess. Maybe I should distance myself a bit. Love hurts, and life sucks when you are in love but the person is not.

      I wish she likes you back. Best luck to you

  61. I am in the same exact situation. I just randomly fell in love with my best friend when I never thought I would even be attracted to him. There were times when he’s really upset me but that never stopped me from having feelings for him. He knows and feels bad that there’s nothing he can do about it. In fact, he envies me for having the strength to keep from going crazy being in love with someone I could never have. It’s very difficult getting rid of the feeling. I want to believe that I’m almost there but the feeling still lingers. Especially whenever I’m in his presence. All in all, love is strong. Whatever is meant to be will happen.

  62. I think I’m in love with this girl at my school and in 6th grade she asked another girl to have sex with her but the girl said no. I am now friends with both girls, the one who got asked and the one who asked. This girl who I like is the girl who asked and I asked her before if she had ever liked a girl or if she ever would like a girl and she said no but all of her friends told me she is a lesbian. We’re in 8th grade now and I’m almost 14. I like this girl so much but she is the only girl I’ve ever liked. I’ve had boyfriends before but I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years dating but every time he and I kissed I wanted to be kissing her, the girl I like not my boyfriend. This girl and I have no classes together but we see each other in the halls and smile but she is shy around me idk if she likes me more than a friend or not. I really wanna tell this girl I like her but I’m scared because I’m going to a different High School than she will next year and she knows I won’t be there next year and she is sad but idk if she actually likes me more than a friend. Need advice on what to do… Should I tell this girl I like her or wait and try to be better friends first but if I wait I might not have a chance because of different schools next year.

  63. Omg there are so many people with this problem, I thought I was alone hahaha, probably because I never talk to anyone about it. I’ve been in love (I guess, it’s really complicated) with my friend for more than two years now. We have a very deep emotional connection and we’re really close. When our friendship just started we used to hold hands from time to time and hug a lot, she would rest her head on my shoulder a lot when we were watching a movie together and whenever someone would walk into the room she would move away from me like she was doing something weird and secret. From then on our relationship would go up and down, we would have good moments for a few weeks and bad moments for a few weeks. When and a few months before i started dating guys we kind of grew apart bc I wanted to create some distance between us but now that’s all over and we both told each other that we wanted to become close friends again bc we missed it. We’re really close again and all my old feelings are starting to come back. The problem is that she keeps asking me lately if I’m into any guys, and that I have to tell her if I like someone bc she said she would find that very exciting for me. I always just say no but I would never tell her that I like her. We’re both bicurious I guess, we’ve talked about it quite a few times and we both agreed that we could fall in love with both males and females. The funny thing is that whenever we talk about dating we always talk about dating boys. Lately she’s been all like “I really want to meet new people and I think it’s such a shame that I haven’t had a boyfriend before.” and that really suCKS bc like I would give her all of my love and I don’t want her to meet new people and fall in love with someone that’s not me and lol I know that’s selfish and it’s not like I would do anything to stop her but these feelings just suck so fucking much. I would never tell her because I really treasure our friendship but it’s so hard to surpress it. What should I do?

  64. My best friend and I have fooled around… even through her relationships (with guys). She has 3 children and what makes it hard is that we live together. I see her everyday and while it’s nice to have her in my life, I’d rather have her AS my life. Kwim? How do I get over being jealous of every guy she sees?? Ugh. My stomach is in knots about it.

  65. I’m bi-curious and my straight best friend knows it. We get very jealous with each other when either one of us gives more attention to someone else, but I’m starting to think my jealousy is different. She’s almost oficially dating a boy that I hate, she knows I hate him, she knows he’s been a dick to me last year and she knows how much I went through because of all that his group of friends did to mine; but she’s with him and she truly likes him a lot.
    But all this is driving me crazy, I cant sleep, I cant eat, I cant organize my thoughts and feelings. I hate that she’s with him, I hate it. I’m trying so hard to distance myself from her, to be cold and to try and get some space; but she always texts asking why I’m acting weird and what did she do to me to make me feel sad or angry; but I can never say the truth and we end up getting close again.
    I don’t know what to do anymore.

  66. So again 4 months ago i watched this video on this website and on the 21. September I wrote a text about how I have feelings for my best friend and that I’m afraid to tell her because I might lose her.I was so stressed and so desperate about it I couldn’t even sleep anymore. 2 weeks after that I told her everything, and it was the best decision i have made in my life. She was so thankful for my honesty and things got A LOT easier after that. Things weren’t awkward anymore for me and she was very understanding. Again 2 weeks and we kissed. We are a couple now and she makes me so happy. With that decision my life only got better so I say do it. Just do it. And if she loves you (also just as a friend) for what you are she will stay anyway.

    ( Ps: I’m from Switzerland so sorry for my english)

  67. Omg I’m kind of in the same situation! My friends and I would “roleplay” as certain characters from different shows, but there was one instance where we would ship eachother. I was shipped with my friend that I currently have a secret crush on and everyone else was either “single” or had a pairing. The thing about this was that we all had to act as if we were in a gay relationship. I didn’t mind it at all and Kiwi (my crush; let’s just make that her nickname) seemed ok with it too. We pretty much acted like we were together. At first I saw our roleplaying as a fun game to play, but there was something inside me that kept bugging me. I actually felt attracted to Kiwi. I didn’t want to admit it to myself at first so I played no attention to my feelings and pushed them to the side, acting as if it was nothing. Time went on and even after 3 years we still continued acting very “friendly” with each other. Thing is that we no longer called eachother by our character names, or talked as if we were quoting the show. We pretty much stopped rolplaying after a while, but Kiwi and I never really did? We continued to act as if we were a couple, but the rest of our friends stopped (especially since 2-3 of them thought it was weird and they didn’t like the idea of being gay even if it was just acting :/ ). Now, the way Kiwi and I acted towards eachother no longer felt like roleplaying. It felt real. I wasn’t sure so I didn’t want to make assumptions, but something just felt different. Especially since my feelings for Kiwi came back and I eventually accepted them. I then started to wonder if she probably felt the same way but was too scared or didn’t know how to tell me (we’re both Christian so you can imagine why) and used the label “roleplalying” in order to act friendly towards me so no one would get suspicious, or if she was still keeping the game up while also screwing with my feelings in doing so. I honestly had no clue what to think. So I decided to drop hints in a very subtle way so no one would get suspicious, but still getting the message across ya know. Little things like using a corny pick-up-line on her, hugs, resting my head on her shoulder, and we even held hands for a while once (I’ll never forget that moment. I was so happy it felt like my heart was going to explode! hehe ). Point is I’m getting mixed signals from Kiwi and I don’t know if I should tell her how I feel or if I should wait. Also, another one of my friends likes to tease me about Kiwi in a playful, but suspicious way. I’m just confused on what to do over all. I don’t want to ruin our friendship, but what IF Kiwi actually feels the same as I do? I honestly believe that “Some things are worth the risk” but at what cost, you get me? If anyone has advice or possibly a solution to my predicament please please please share it with me. I would greatly appreciate it!

    1. Ha, funny how often roleplaying with a friend can seem harmless until shipping is introduced (especially when the characters that are shipped are being played by you and the friend). Then you get sucked into it and it begins to affect your real life and emotions. Trust me I know. I’m sorry that I can’t help you with this predicament but at least you know you’re not alone

  68. I just built up enough courage to tell my same sex bi best friend that I was in love with her, and she told me that she loved me too.

  69. Hey so I was being rlly mean to my crush, who is my best friend, and so I told him it was because I liked him and was angry and put it all on him, and he said it was okay to be angry but never acknowledged I had a crush on him? And then he was taking pictures of me and sending them to my other best friend, and they did this back and forth for s while, and they have been talking more now and they said they were just making fun of me but I looked into his eyes and into his soul and he was so cute and nothing changed and I feel like they are keeping secrets from me and just AHHHHHHH

  70. Hi,

    I was in love with my best friend too. WE knew each other during our college time and I believe fate had made us knew each other. We live together in a hostel room back in college for 4 years . During those time was the happiest in my life even though I knew she had a boyfriend back at her hometown. I just kept my feelings in my heart. Sometimes we used to hold hands when we are going outside and I can sit beside her bed talk all the night ..brushing her hair…there was a time she had jokingly asked whether am I ‘like her'( love her)…sometimes she do ask me..not to treat her so good…coz she worried she Wil have feeling s for me too…
    Long story cut short….she had broke up with her bf…and I tbought I might have a chance….but I was wrong…she was finding another guy and was always message me asking me opinion about the guy……deep inside my heart it was like been stab by hundreds of knife ….
    So eventually in Dec 2012…I finally email her how my feeling towards her….and….I was REJECTED…she can’t accept that I was into her..and she only treat me as friend….we have big argument then bc of my feeling towards her and there was a time she decided to stay away from me…she no longer text me ..or call me…for 6 months…then one day ..out of the blue we start contacting via message and we start to be close again….I tought I have chance again…and I hints her about my feeling….yet again I was rejected….she seems like seeing another guy …and I decided this time to keep myself away from her…coz each time when I saw her…I can’t kept my feelings towards her and it was so painful. Now…sometimes she do message me…but I try not to see her in person…bc u can help myself as my feelings towards her is still strong. …and sometimes when she message me…I still hints her on my feeling…and yet…I do know what she will respond…sometimes. ..I do hope that she will finally accept me….but I guess I was not that lucky after all……

    To those who have express your feeling and was accepted…congrats …..

  71. I`m In Love With My Straight Best Friend, I`m Not Sure If She Really Is Straight.. I Can See Always She Is Looking At Me And When I`m Looking At Her She Turns Her Head Towards The teacher Or She Looks At Me And Starts Smiling AND Then She Turns Her Head Towards The Teacher. x'”D. I Really Like Her.. I Think She Is Adorable And She Always Makes Me Laugh .. But The Problem Is That She Spends More Time With My Other Friend, She Makes Me Jealous.. I Tried To Tell Her I Like Her .. But I Can’t I Don’t Know How She Is Going To Respond.. MY Other Friend Can See That My Crush And That Girl Always Laughing And Stuff And Usually Flirting.. MAYBE SHE IS BI WHO KNOWS! Another Thing That She Does Is That She Texts Me A Lot xD, She Always Starts The Conversation. Maybe She Is Doing That Cuz She Is Bored. And You Know She Sending Me Weird PIcs But Some Of Them Are Really Hot. And Then I Cant Stop Staring At Her Pics.. Yeah Pretty Awkward… What Can I Do ? Should I Tell Her ?

  72. Aye! My Name Is Alex And I Think I`m Bi.. Ugh.. Yeah.. I Love Being Bi But My Parents Are Against And That Really Sucks.. The Problem Is That I`m In LOVE with My Bestie .~. I Think She Is Adorable, She Always Makes Me Laugh, Smile. She Is The Cutest Thing I Ever Met. I Feel Like She Is Straight. She Likes Guys And Always Looking At Them, She Also Told Me She Has A Crush On Someone ( And He Is A Guy Of Course lol ) She Never Date Anyone, I Asked Her And She Said That She Doesn’t Want To, A Guy Asked Her Out For The Prome And She Said No. She Said That The Guy Is Short And That He Is Ugly ( He Is Not Ugly ) But Sometimes I Feel Like She Likes Me. She Is Looking At Me In Class, Like Always, Idk Maybe Is My Face.. But She Always Texts Me. She Always Starts The Conversation. And She Is Sending Me Pictures Of Her. Sometimes She Is Sending Really Hot Pictures Of Her And It Makes Me Want To Kiss Her. She Also Calling Me ‘Wifey’ And When I Here That My Heart Is About To Explode! I Call Her ‘Queen’ Or ‘Ishi’. And When I’m Calling Her That At School She Acts So Weird She Is Like ‘Stop, Don’t Call Me That’ But When I’m Texting Her And Calling Her ‘ Queen’ Or ‘Ishi’ She Doesn’t Care.. Then She Starts Calling Me ‘Wifey’ And Sending Me Hearts And Stuff So Then I`m Doing The Same Thing. I`m Really Confused. She Also Laughs At My Jokes And I Really Like That, I Want Her To Be Happy, I Also Texted Her ‘When I’m Texting You I Feel Better’ And Her Respond Was ‘awww <3 <3' Also, When Her ExCrush Blocked Her On Insta She Got Pissed Off, I Was Texting Her The Whole Time And Tried To Make Her Happy. I Feel That She Still Like This Guy But Also Another Guy. Anyways, She Makes Me Jealous. She Talks With Her Other Friend And Her Friend Seems To Make Her Happy. One Of My Friends Told Me That They Are Flirting In Class, They Are Looking At Each Other And Stuff. Also My Friend Thinks That My Crush Might Be Bisexual. ( My Friend Doesn't Know I`m Bisexual, Nobody Does ) So What Should I Do? I Want To Tell Her ' I LIKE YOU ' But I Feel Like Her Respond Will Be ' Sorry But I Don't ' Should I Text Her? And Tell Her That I Like Her? What Should I Text Her? – Can You Guys Help Me.. Because I Really Need Your Help –

  73. I Can’t Believe I Did This.. I Told My Crush That I’m Bi-curious, But Really I’m 100% Bisexual, I Made A Story. I Said, “Two Weeks Ago A Girl Randomly Kissed Me And I Liked It.” I Never Kissed A Girl, It Was A Lie. Her Respond Was,”It’s Fine I’m Always Going To Be Your Friend, No Matter What.” I Start Crying, I’m Still Crying. I Really Don’t Want To Go To School. She Is Probably Going To Look At Me The Whole Time. Is Going To Be So Awkward… I’m Going To Tell You Guys What Happened Tomorrow…

    1. Things Are Kind Of Awkward. She Looks At Me Really Weird, But At Least I Feel Like She Likes Me. She Makes Me Laugh, She Teases Me. She Is Gorgeous. The Problem Is That She Talks About Her Crush The Whole TIME AND IM GETTING JELLY!!!

  74. I’m in love with a gay who is not a friend. I’m confused n I’m in such a deep despiration. I dunno if i should tell him or not. He is kind of famous. The thing is i can’t stop thinking about him. It would be appreciated if you guys help me out.

  75. I’m asexual and bi-romantic and I’ve been in love with my best friend for almost two years. She’s gay btw. She flirts a lot but its sort of her personality. She’s given me signs of romantic interest, but with her its like she pulls me in and then gives me a cold shoulder and the cycle repeats. So far the past few months she hasn’t given me the cold shoulder though. And I’ve told everyone else about my feelings in our friend group except her. And I’ve been going around looking for advice, and the most common one I hear is be honest and tell her. I’ve been thinking about it, but one of my friends in our friend group used to like her and when she told her it kind of went bad. They’re still friends but they don’t talk as much anymore. I’m okay with just being friends but I don’t want to lose our friendship. I’m not planning to get over her anytime soon but if it happens I won’t fight it. Suggestions??? Help??? :/

    1. Oh and she’s known to be very oblivious and it’s kinda obvious that I have feelings for her cause some of my friends already knew before I told them.

  76. I’m not sure of some things. And that includes my sexuality. Im in my late twenties and had only one opposite relationship before which was also just shortand never serious. What puzzled me is that I was into ‘idolizing’ lots of female eversince I was young. Honestly though, I kind of just admired them but kind of weirdo-obsessing too coz there were times when I really researched and stalked once or so. Yes I had male crushes too, but only few passed my taste. And I dont even care if I dont have bf, I come to think maybe I am asexual. (??) Fast forward, Then I met her. It wasn’t “light” at first sight, but eventually we became best friends. We talked a lot. Shared almost everything personal. We like each other. Sisterly, as bff, but I always know its more than that. And I think I fell for her. The thing is, she’s married. We don’t open up this gay topic. We are serious btw in our religion. But we do have endearments. I am close to her family and kid. ( yes, I am the loving aunt)I hinted she felt the same way about me but I am not sure though..platonic or she have a side too. She loved her husband and she had one longterm bf before. I kissed her few times just on the cheek. I know she like it. She kissed me too just same on the cheeks. I think Im not particular about labels. But sometimes I wonder… Am I bi? queer? And what are we having? Should I tell her I felt more? It’s nothing sometimes, but it’s fuckin hard at times too.


  77. So basically… Me & my friend are really close, we are soulmates. I always knew that I might like her later, because the way she touches me and the way she looks at me and talks to me is just so cute. We always laugh, and I’m glad that she is happy. So, 4-5 weeks ago we kissed ( lips ).I told her that I kissed a lot of people and that she doesn’t have to be scared or shy. My friend never kissed someone and that’s why she told me if I can kiss her. The first time we kissed was in English class, we were in the back so nobody can see us. The kiss was horrible, but I at least kissed her. Two weeks later, the teachers told us we are going to the movies to see a movie and I decided if we can kiss there, because is more romantic and is gonna be much better than the other kiss. Well, she said yes, and that made me really happy. At the movies, we were sitting in the back and they were bunch of guys next to us, but it was alright. While we were watching the movie, I put my head in her arm and she was touching me like we were a cute couple. When, was the time to kiss I was like —
    Me: “Okay let me kiss you now, don’t worry nobody is looking.”
    Her: ( Shy ) ” Wait! ”
    Later I was looking at the movie and she was keep saying ” — Let’s kiss now ” and touching my arm and pulling me towards her.
    When we were about to kiss I was making sure that nobody is looking. It was kind of awkward to kiss but we did it. She did the first move and kissed me. Suddenly, she said —
    Her: ” I didn’t feel it ”
    Me: ” Same… OKAY! Let’s do it one more time”
    I grabbed her face softly and kissed her. I could feel her soft lips on mine and i could feel her hand while she was holding my hand. When we were done kissing, it wasn’t that awkward.
    The next day, we couldn’t stop staring at each other.
    Now, I can see that she is touching me a lot. And staring at me. Smiles, and holding my hand. I mean I feel like is something between me and her, but then I’m changing my mind. She always talks about guys and that they are hot and have a big butt, and also she told me that she is 100% straight, so there is no way she likes me. What do you thing guys ? I need help!!! 😛

  78. I recently moved to a new city by myself for school. Usually I’m a very independent person and enjoy being alone but I made a few friends within the first few months. I became very close with one girl, she always asked me to hangout and I always said yes because I really enjoyed her company. She was so warm, out-going and genuinely a generous person. I recently came out as bi to most people in my life including my new friends so she was aware of this. We would text all the time, see each other all the time and doing everything together (gym, groceries, study…you name it). She was and probably heart broken over some guy so I feel like she needed a distracted and a new fling. But instead of her seeking comfort in random sex or other guys…she met me, her new best friend. Unfortunately and fortunately I started to develop feelings. I was very anxious around her for a few weeks once I admitted to myself that the feelings were there. I was constantly thinking… could she tell that i like her? …. the typical story about spending nights together. sleeping next to each other…so close but yet so far. I finally built up the courage to tell her and she reacted really well in the moment. a few weeks later, she told her for the health of our friendship that we could need time and space from each other. this hurt me because i miss her and i feel like she’s kinda running away. but space is good maybe we can come back stronger and more honest. but in the meantime, it hard not to wonder what she is thinking like if she’s interpreting all our moments together. if she thinks i was madly in love with her… if she thinks i am pathetic of saying yes all the time and listening to her talk about boys…if she thinks i don’t know how to take care of myself. I don’t know why i’m giving it all the power. so now i am in this weird state of waiting and wondering if we can still be friends but it will never be the same. should i have not told her?…too late now :(. suggestions for not overthinking?

  79. I learned that I was bisexual when I was 13. I recently feel in love with my straight best friend. I have never dated anyone seriously or of the same gender before. I also have not told anyone. We also talked about who we liked, I did not specify a gender but she assumed male. The worse part is that she narrowed down the list of people she liked, and the are all male! Help! What do I do?

  80. So I’m 16 and I think I am gay. I am like in love with my best friend and I think he is gay but I can’t really tell because he hooks up with girls. We are both in high school and we get food together almost every day. We always hang out and watch tv and a lot of times we just gaze into each others eyes for minutes at a time. We always joke about how one another is gay and one time he said he could never come out. What do I do?

  81. Ok, so I have a crush on my best friend. The same best friend who upon meeting 4 years ago made me realise and acknowledge that I am bi. Now, I’ve never really questioned my sexuality or who I liked growing up. To me it didn’t really matter if it was a boy or a girl, if I liked someone I liked them. It was only when I first met this girl that I fully knew that I was bi. She literally turned me bi. I had liked her for about 3 years straight (pun not intended) when I decided F*** It! and told her….

    This best friend of mine is straight. Or at least she claims to be. I don’t know if this actually happens to other queer people but this was definite problem for me. Being my best friend we would hang out a lot, have sleepovers, that kind of stuff. But this girl was soooooooo physical. Not even friendly playful physical. PHYSICAL physical. She would jump onto me randomly. She would gently push me down and straddle me. In fact, now that I think about it she would constantly try to straddle me. She would literally place herself in a position where one slight movement and we would literally completely pass the friendzone. It was, as one could say, a sexual awakening for a recently founded bi girl. This stuff that she was doing I couldn’t even make up in my wildest dreams.

    But with every good thing, life must ruin it.

    So I finally told my best friend about my feelings towards her and SURPRISE SURPRISE! I got rejected. I honestly half wish I hadn’t told her just because of our sudden loss of closeness (I know I’m selfish).

    It’s been 6 months since I’ve told her and we are slowly growing back the closeness we had. Because of the massive amount of time we spent apart though, I’m confused about how I feel towards her. I label her as a friend to everyone but I’m not sure. I know that I think of her as more than a friend at times and that the feeling of having a crush on her is still lingering just not as strongly as before.

    I’m not sure how I feel or what to do….

    Someone please help?

  82. im panromantic asexual and im in love with my straight best friend. have been for 3 years. im way too scared to say anything. she knows im gay. i came out the moment i was comfortable with my sexuality and she accepts me. i just dont have the guts to confess. everyine ships us and wants us to date anyways but im just so scared. im obsessed with her perfection…..help!

  83. Hey! Thanks for your honest post. I just found out that about a year ago during a drunken night I confessed my love and attraction towards my best friend from high school and I did not remember a thing. She never told me before because she thought saying nothing will be less harmless for me. I have been having doubts about my sexuality but I never acted nor say anything to anyone. I regret that night because I felt I hurt my friendship with her, things change after that and I had no idea why. It did feel weird and awkward after that night when we hang out; sometimes she was so guarded towards me even cold and distant. After a whole year she told what I really did; and I felt so bad, shameful and like I wanted to disappear right there. I apologized to her and I started understanding the reason behind her strange behavior; although, It did hurt when she said that sometimes she was a bit repulsed of being near to me. I think I should have talked to her about my doubts and feelings before the alcohol took away all my inhibitions and just confess everything during a night I have no memory of.

  84. WARNING – VIOLENTLY GRAPHIC LENGTH – but gotta rant guys sorrrrryyy

    I’m Anon and I’m an alcoholic*/bisexual. So exactly a week ago today, I was introduced to this guy at a party. I was severely intoxicated and barely remember the evening but apparently we spent the whole night talking to each other and dancing. He asked for my number before he left and the next day I woke up to an astonishing hangover and a message from him saying how cool he thought I was and how he was glad to have met me.

    Pretty happy with my drunk – and apparently- cool self, I send back some messages saying essentially the same things. We then see each other the next day, and every day for this whole week. I’ve been staying at a hostel and he’s been coming to visit me where he teaches me Arabic and I teach him English. Every time my phone buzzes my heart starts jumping and, as a rather pessimistic person who has never believed in love, I’m surprised to find myself falling for him after just a few days.

    So, this morning, I finish my 12-hour shift and get on the train to go to the hostel and fall asleep and end up being awoken and kicked off at the terminal – coincidentally 2 minutes away from his house. I messaged him and he invited me to come over to sleep at his. Before this, tension had been building like crazy, on day 3 we were leaning on each other and staring into each other’s eyes with big dorky smiles, calling each other cute and beautiful and just compliments all round. He said he was so lucky to have met someone like me and that he likes me a lot on a daily basis and I feel like I’ve been transported to another world and – as much as that sentence makes me wanna hurl – we’re getting on brilliantly. Anyways, I get to his and he makes me breakfast and then we start watching some Netflix – I swear this isn’t erotic fanfiction, please keep reading – he asks me for a neck massage and I lean in to kiss him when I’m finished and he gosh-darn kisses me back. Flash forward several hours and Rick and Morty has now become just background noise as we look into each other’s eyes and give out some further generous compliments. He keeps saying how happy he is to have met me and again heart-jumping, vomit-inducing blah blah blah… At this point, I can feel the tendrils of budding love carry me away to the seventh layer of hell as we continue to cuddle and play footsie and do other cute stuff until falling asleep wrapped around each other à la Black Widow’s signature leg move.

    A short while later, he leaves to go meet a friend for a few hours leaving me to sleep chez lui. When I wake up, he’s cooking for me again so I go over to give him one of those lovely rom-com hugs from behind – again no euphemisms or anything, I’m just hella cute – and I literally feel him lock up and distance himself from me. When he hands me my food I thought I’d just go for it and so gave him a cheeky merci and an even cheekier kiss – not thinking this would be weird as we’d spent 4+ hours sucking face – when I’m met with an avoidance tactic that would make Trump shit his own adult diapers out of pure respect for the perfectly executed manoeuvre. He tells me that he just wants to watch some more Rick and Morty before I have to go and he’ll tell me on the walk to the station what’s going down.

    He informs me that: he’s straight, it’s the first time that he has ever done anything with a guy, he should have told me sooner instead of leading me on and finally that he’s really sorry. An absolute gentleman and he let me down real nicely. So naturally, I get on the train and have a tactical
    minor breakdown. Aaaand welcome to the present.

    So we’ve spoken since saying we both want to remain close friends and he’s going away to the South of France for a few days which might give me enough time to get over him but I don’t know. I don’t know how to feel, nor how to be around him when I see him next week, nor what kind of response I want. I guess I just wanted to share this story and vent out my frustrations because I’ve never felt this way in my entire life and I’m in my mid-20s. I have friends that I went to school with who own litters of children and it seems to me like I’m always being left out or rejected and I’m just sorta feeling numb. I have dealt with depression and severe anxiety since I was in my early teens and although I’d never EVER do anything to hurt myself, I just feel so unloved and like my life has gone and is going nowhere. I also feel stupid for allowing my happiness to be tied directly to this guy because for the week that we just spent together, I haven’t had a single bad thought, not a dose of depression, nor a ounce of anxiety, which makes me feel so silly I can’t even begin to explain. Now I’m at work in an empty hotel feeling happy to know him and glad that he was honest with me, to suddenly angry that we courted and kissed for so long before he told me what the deal was, to sudden despair and uncontrollable tears which then just makes me feel stupid and the cycle repeats.

    So yeah, don’t know if I’ll get a response or rather what the hell that response would be like cus this has just been a long emotional rollercoast rant with no real decipherable questions or answers but I just needed some cyber-therapy to keep myself occupied. I guess that what I’m hoping for deep down is that, seeing as he’s going away for just under a week, he sends me a message telling me he’s made a mistake or that someone on here can confirm that he’s just in denial without even knowing him, which again, silly.

    P.S. This guy swears that he’s heterosexual but just missed flirting, felt lonely and then let himself get carried away. However, he seemed so sure that he liked me this morning when he told me so in between various rounds of suffocation by tongue and I keep telling myself it’s because he’s from a culture where homosexuality isn’t an option so he’s just in denial. Obviously, I don’t (want to) believe his claim to heterosexuality but I identified with him so much and then we spent all week holding hands and complimenting each other on an hourly basis and he literally told me – and this is a gosh darn (roughly translated) sickening quote – ‘I feel like something or someone has always been missing from my life and now I’ve finally met the best friend I’ve been looking for, I don’t know what I’d do without someone like you in my life’ and instead of recoiling away in disgust like I would before (I mean this whole relationship is basically the adult equivalent of a 12 year old posting an ‘I luv u’ on his girlfriend of one week’s Facebook wall) I actually felt happy.

    P.P.S* I’m not actually an alcoholic, I drink a lot but compared to the rest of Britain-folk I’m basically sober.

    P.P.P.S If you made it this far, give yourself a lil pat on the back for your solidarity and interest in the gay community I guess, cus this post was longer than my week-long bout of love.

  85. Come next month, October, it will be some of the BEST and most confusing times of my life. October will be the one year anniversary of my best friend and myself…..scratch that….soulmate meeting. I am 39 yo old multi-racial male who does not look a day over 21. He is 35, Caucasian and would be the poster child for the description of “Lumbersexual.” Totally not my usual type I go for, but there is a glow and energy about him that makes him one of the most beautiful individuals I have ever encountered. He is str8 and has recently split with his fiance, who he moved cross country for. I helped him though one of the darkest periods of his life, and during the process saw ALL his flaws, which amazingly made me love him even more. We initially met at work and realized from the second we started talking that we both met a kindred spirit. Little did I know how deep or connection was based on both positive and VERY negative life experiences that we have both endured in our pasts. I used to suffer horribly with depressions, self doubt and low self esteem. Through my trials and tribulations, I have been able to get him the help he needed to now become the man I always saw him to be. Our connect has only grown day by day. Then, thing got even more complicated when i became is immediate supervisor. Try as I might, I have tried to keep my feels towards him platonic, to no avail. I have since left that company to move on to a more amazing career path, but one of the factors that made me want to take the new job was not to be such close proximity to my friend. He definitely knows how I feel…I confessed….even more shocked that he said that he loved me back but just doesn’t know if he could ever love a man like he could a woman. When we worked together, he would even inquire where i was by saying “Where is my boyfriend at.” People started to question what was up between us, to which he would respond “what the details of our relationship is no one’s business but ours, and let them speculate. If they think we are a couple, I would be honored to be even associated with you in that respect in people’s minds!” Serious, exact words, no BS or paraphrasing! Yes we have messed around twice before, but it was on occasions that alcohol was involved, but that was months ago. Just this past week, I have started sensing a turn in him where he is probing me to express exactly what I want regarding him. I am always very coy about the situation and make jokes or innuendos that we laugh off. I have been in love once before, TRUE LOVE, and unfortunately that person was taken out of my life due to unfortunate circumstances. My best friend, exemplifies EVERYTHING that my previous love did and then some. I need someone to stimulate me mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically. I get ALL of that from our friendship now, minus the physical part. I literally would feel like a part of myself was missing if anything ever happened to our friendship! Should i tell him that i would like to be with him and only him??? My mother and father were best friends before they even got into a relationship, and i see how powerful and AMAZING there bond is after 47 years. That is exactly what i want. My love to also be my best friend. I am just terrified of messing up this amazing friendship I have now if i let it be known that i desire him and no one else even remotely a faction of my attention. Sorry for the long novel, but this is the first time i have true been able to let everything out! Thanks for listening

    1. I was so nervous writhing what I wrote that i missed spelled a few things. Reading what everyone wrote, gave me the courage to even post what i did. I would like to say thank you to all for sharing your experiences!

  86. So here’s a little story, hope I can get some help with this because it’s killing my brain cells from overthinking this so much lmao. So I have a group of friends and there are 5 of us, and we always go out as a group and all. But I am currently in a situation where I’m moving to another country to study one semester abroad with one of my friends and at first I thought it was cool because we could hang out and party you know, all that stuff. But from about a month or so, friends have teased us that we’ll end up together. I am openly bi and she has openly said she could potentialy like a girl. With that in mind, I didn´t think much of it, and brushed it off.

    But after a month of teasing and joking around, I know I’m starting to look at her diferently, I use any excuse to talk to her, and I’m left at night wondering all the what ifs about that time abroad. Now, I have no idea how I got to that point, but does the fact that friends have told you that you’ll end up together and that they ship you two have any effect on me… starting to like her?
    Maybe I liked her and I didn’t even notice.

    Should I start acting on the way I feel now?
    or should I wait untill I am almost to the point of falling in love untill I tell her someting?

    HELP 😀

  87. what is a straight girl suppose to do when her lesbian friend tell her that she is head over heals for her???
    I am the straight friend and i don’t know what i am suppose to do so that i don’t hurt her.
    I hate the feeling of causing other people pain and i don’t know how to tell her i not interested in a big R relationship. Only a friendship
    I don’t want to say the wrong thing and then she gets heartbroken, i would feel even worse.
    What would the best option for me be??
    (with minimal damage)

    1. You have to put yourself in your friend’s shoes. Have you ever had a crush? It feels like your whole world revolves around them, and that all you need to be happy is to be in a relationship with them. With this particular scenario, I would tell her that you are flattered that they like you, but that you are straight and do not like her in that way. Let her know that you support her and care about her, but do not do anything to lead her on (cuddling, hand holding, saying I love you, etc.) Most of all, allow her space and allow her to feel hurt. If she truly cares about you and you truly care about her, your friendship will remain strong. Good luck!

  88. well the problem is that she’s not only straight but also she’s getting married the next month we’re sooo close friends and she is older than me and I just love her sooo freaking much and it hurts soo bad when she’s gone for even a few days.she does love me but as a best friend she does miss me when we don’t see each other but I not only miss her but I need her so much I can’t believe she’s going to get married and all I can do is thinking about it and fall apart and break to pieces and thinking about suicide on her wedding day anyone here to talk?

  89. I know this is really late lmao but I have a very similar situation. I have a major crush on my best friend. She has a bf. I talked to her because it was killing me not telling her. She told me she liked me too, but couldn’t leave her bf rn because he’s helped her through so much and they’ve been dating for a really long time. She feels slightly unsatisfied with her relationship, and says he doesn’t act like a real bf, more of a super close friend. She’s told me that she prefers my hugs, we cuddle late into the night, and we give each other forehead kisses all the time. We almost kissed at one point, but I turned my head at the last second, because well she has a bf. Later that night she texted me and asked if it would’ve been awkward. She agreed when I said it wouldn’t have been awkward but would’ve been wrong because she has a bf. Recently I got a bf, and I’ve been hoping it would get me over her. It hasn’t. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if she even likes me anymore because this all happened like a month ago. I’m super scared, and don’t want to bring it up again, for fear of ruining what we have at the moment. Help please!!

  90. I am gay and have a crush on my best friend that is straight. I’m am in like a best friend triangle where all three of us are best friends. My parents are not supportive and would hate the fact that I’m gay(if they ever found out) I never find a good place to confess and am still wondering if I should. I really dont want to ruin the friendship if he says no. What should I do.

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