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"I think I might be genderqueer, and I know my friends would be accepting of that, but at the same time I feel like if I tell them they’re just going to think I’m doing it for attention or to follow a fad or something, esp. cuz one of my friends has just said THEY’RE genderqueer. But like gah im just ugh I WANT TO TELL SOMEONE."

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

If I were you, I’d start by talking to my genderqueer friend. I’d literally sit down and be like “Hey TOAST, can i ask you a question” and when TOAST is like “Yes FRIEND” you simply ask “did it feel weird before you told everyone you were genderqueer, I’ve been kind of questioning and wondering and thinking and I don’t know who to talk to about it…”

If TOAST is a decent human being, you’ll feel a lot better. Generally when people think you’re ‘following a fad’ or ‘copying someone’ it’s because someone says ‘i did that first’ SO IF YOU CAN AVOID THAT YOU’LL BE GOLDEN. Plus, it’s nice to start with someone who understands what you’re going through. If that friend is like ‘YOU’RE A COPY CAT AND YOU’RE THE WORST AND YOU JUST WANT ATTENTION.” I would talk to a different friend and say “I dunno what to do because I’m having these questions about my gender and I tried to talk to TOAST and TOAST flipped out!!”

So, you see, your bases are totally covered. That’s baseball language for you’ll be totally fine. Just don’t say ‘I’M GENDERQUEER AND I’M NOT COPYING ANYONE AND EVERYONE SHUT UP’ bc… that’s not nice.

Kristin Says:

My advice was actually going to be to shout “‘I’M GENDERQUEER AND I’M NOT COPYING ANYONE AND EVERYONE SHUT UP,” sooooo…

En serio, though (that’s Spanish for SERIOUSLY), your own strength in your identity is what is going to help you through this process. There is no test that we have to pass or clothing we have to wear or behavior we have to adapt to “prove” how we identify. No one ever has the right to tell you who you are or why you feel the way you do inside, because each one of us is far too complex to be “figured out” by anyone… we are often too complex to figure ourselves out!

I think you can approach it, initially, from the standpoint of someone who identifies as genderqueer, is worried about being taken seriously, and who has become even more comfortable with themselves as a direct result of TOAST also coming out as genderqueer. It doesn’t at all have to be “COPYCAT MCGOO” but can instead be reflective of the fact that you now feel more comfortable and safe speaking about your identity because you know you are not alone.

At the end of the day, if anyone rolls their eyes or says something to you or behind your back, I would approach them and ask them how it would make them feel if you decided you knew exactly who they were and why. No one should ever tell anyone else who they are. KRISTIN SAYS SO.


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