"Hi guys: I’m a heavyset girl, but I’m generally OK with it. I’m fairly active, I like the way I look and am not ashamed of the fact that I’d rather have a piece of cake than a tiny butt. But when it comes to dating or wanting to date, any confidence I have totally falls apart. I feel like anyone I like is way out of my league and that I’d be ugly to them, so that I cant even get the nerve to ask them out. How the fudge can I get over this?"
- Question submitted by Anonymous
Here’s the thing, if you think you are beautiful, you are so far ahead of a lot of the world. Magazines/TV/Movies/Billboards, all that is total bullshit. I feel like every one I know struggles with self-love and it’s OH SO IMPORTANT to remember that we are all beautiful. ANNNNNDDD anyone who think anything differently about you and your body is not someone you want to be around, or date, or have in your life.
I would like to introduce you all to my friend, Gabi CLICK HERE, she has fucking made a career out of being YOUNG, FAT AND FABULOUS (it’s the name of her site). She is gorgeous, funny, a stellar writer, one of the best dressed humans I know and fucking confident as shit. ALSO HER BOYFRIEND IS LITERALLY THE CUTEST THING. I highly recommend her site to pretty much everyone on earth. She’s one of the people who’s website I scour when I’m feeling down. She’s so good at looking pretty, feeling pretty and exuding the kind of confidence I wish I had everyday. and even GABIFRESH, who I consider one of the most confident people on earth, gets down on herself. and she IS SOOOO FLYYYYY, YOU GUYS.
Confidence and self love are two of the most important things ever in the world. Trust me, there is more than one someone who will love you. You will love multiple someones and they will make you feel sooooo pretty, but the moments where you make yourself feel so pretty are the moments that REALLY matter.
AMEN. So many people think that what turns other people on is a tiny butt and tight abs, but let me TELL YOU, that is just not fucking true at all. We are all attracted to a million different combinations of things, and many of us are attracted to human bodies that are not punctuated by tiny things. I am going to be realllll honest with you and let you know that I prefer big butts to tiny butts any day. Sorry to all you tiny butts…I am just bein’ real.
Anyway, here is how I see this situation. You feel good about yourself, and you like yourself, and that is fucking brilliant. Then, as soon as you get in a situation where you want someone to be attracted to you, you feel like you aren’t good enough because you have been taught to believe a lie: that ‘sexy’ is another word for ‘skinny.’ So, my advice to you is to think about the fact that sexy can just as easily be NOT-skinny. I’ll tell you some things that have made me want to jump on top of a lady slash have made me fall in love with a lady in the past: her lips, the way she concentrates on reading a book in bed, how she tucks her hair behind her ear, the way she talks to me and listens to my words, the way her hand feels around my back, the sound of her voice, the curve of her hips…
The next time you find yourself in a situation where you suddenly feel like you aren’t attractive, think about that list. Think about the fact that it is you that this person is looking at and engaging with, and that your shape and size, along with all of those other things, is exactly WHY they may be super into dating you, kissing you, holding you. You believing that you are good enough is the biggest part of the process, and you are fucking good enough. I can promise you that.