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“I'm pretty sure I'm asexual, but recently I've started, noticing girls more I guess? How do most lesbian and bi girls feel about the ace community?”

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

This is like asking me how white people feel about cartoons.

OKAY IT’S NOT EXACTLY LIKE THAT BUT STILL…Neither of us can tell you how an entire group of human beings feel about one thing. Everyone is different and everyone feels different feelings about different things. You’re going to encounter every single kind of person with every single kind of opinion. You’ll meet a girl who’s like ‘I NEED SEX ALL THE TIME FROM E’ERBODY!’ and you’ll meet boys who are like ‘HEY! I’m also asexual’ and you’ll meet girls who are like ‘oh, wow, i’ve never considered asexual to be a real thing, but i like you and i don’t feel like i NEED sex, so lets try this relaysh’ and you’ll meet boys who are like ‘that’s weird what does that mean’ and you’ll meet girls who are like ‘how can you be gay then?’ and you’ll meet boys who are like ‘oh, that’s cool, tell me more’

get it?

Don’t change the way you are or how you act around a group of people bc of what you think their reaction might be. If you’re comfortable and the discussion comes up, boom, SAYWHATCHANEEDASAY #johnmayer and that’s that. If you want a relaysh with a girl, attack the sexi parts when it gets to the sexi parts. I can almost guarantee you’ll be pleasantly surprised. Like anyone with any sexi-interest (be it girls, boys, FTM, no one, self-sexi, MTF, cartoons etc) you’ll encounter people who do understand and people who don’t understand.

Be prepared for the people who don’t and be excited for the people who do. aaaand be open to sharing that part of yourself. Don’t hide who you are bc you’re scared or nervous about what people will think! hooorraayyy

Kristin Says:


(I just wanted to be a part of that)

First of all, do people really call it the “ace community”?  That’s fun.  Second of all, Dannielle hit the boner on the head: no one can speak for anyone but themselves, regardless of whether or not they also like vajayjays.  There are lesbians who like to be peed on and girls who like girls who hate strap-ons and transgendered people who like to watch girl-on-girl porn but don’t get aroused by physical proximity to others.

The bottom line here, in my opinion, is that there are many people who do not understand what it means to be asexual, regardless of how they identify.  It shouldn’t fall to you to have to explain things, but often times we are put in a position where our openness and willingness to dialogue allows for a deeper understanding on the part of others.

It’s like…I love sex, you guys.  I would not be able to have a relationship that didn’t include sex.  That, however, does not mean that I do not have the ability to understand and/or support others in their desires.  It does not mean that everyone is just like me and needs to inhabit bonerville all the time.  It just means I like certain things and you like other things.  There are a hundred gabillion people on this planet (rough estimate), and we all like so many different kinds of things in so many different kinds of ways.

There are plenty of humans out there who will be nothing short of thrilled to get to know you in whatever capacity makes sense to you both.

Be honest and open about who you are, and don’t apologize or second-guess yourself.  If someone is like, “THAT IS SO WEIRD, HOW DO YOU NOT LIKE SEX,” just be like, “Well, one could argue that it is weird when people exclusively take pleasure from having things in their vaginas…sooooo.”

Right? That’ll shut ‘em right up.


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