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"Why am I embarrarssed by the fact that I’m gay?"

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

Prolly b/c you’re not used to it and people look at you funny and society doesn’t believe in love.

No, but srsly.

We were all raised KNOWING that straight was right and gay was wrong…I mean, it’s totally not and as you grow up and get comfy in your own skin and fall in love over and over, things settle down.

I was embarrassed for a VERY LONG TIME. I never told anyone. It took me 4 months to fess up at a job. And that’s what sucks… i felt like i was FESSING UP. Is fess up a real thing? Is that how you spell it? Where am i?

The point is, getting comfortable being a total gaywad takes time, but it’ll happen. You’ll get to a point where you realize no one REALLY cares. You’ll take a deep breath and practice a speech for a long time and finally “ADMIT” to someone “I’M GAY” and stand proud and they’ll be like ‘…ok…do you want a cheese stick or not?’ and you’ll be all ‘wait? you don’t care?’ and they’ll be like ‘i only care if it’s in the way of this cheese stick discussion, which, right now it is, so i’m actually mad at you’ and you’ll both laugh and you’ll yell ‘YOU’RE MY BEST FRIEND’ and then things might get a little awkward…but you’ll get over it.

You’re the best. Being gay doesn’t define you. Remember that.

Kristin Says:

First of all, I would like to stand with you, proudly, as a member of the community who cannot spell ‘embarrassed’ correctly.  It takes me three tries every time I type it, and so I want to make sure you do not feel judged.  Whoever invented that word is the worst.

Second of all, I agree with some of what Dannielle has said above, but not all of it.  I do agree with the why.  Most, if not all of us, have gone through a period of time where we feel ashamed about our sexuality.  This is because we do not have the ability to see ourselves in most of the world around us; magazines, television shows, songs on the radio, you name it…popular culture is almost entirely comprised of heterosexual pairs.  Boys singing about girls, ladies sleeping with mansies, divorces, break-ups, affairs, nearly all of it orbits around a boy/girl dichotomy.  Heterosexuality is almost always assumed.  That forces those of us who are not heterosexual to have to clarify who we are, or correct the standard assumption.  It isn’t fair or right or fun —- but unfortunately that where we are at the moment.

Sure, you will find that some of your ‘coming out’ conversations go exactly like cheese-stick example give above.  Some, however, won’t go so swimmingly…and you may be made to feel even more embarrassed about who you are.  This is what I need you to remember, though: heterosexuality is not the ‘norm.’  We live in a world that pushes things down our throats and then asks us to spit them back up looking just the same.  This website alone is testament to the fact that none of us are as simple as boy-meets-girl.

Be strong in who you are, and remind yourself at every turn that your strength will bring people into your life who appreciate you.  The more you work at understanding that we are all infinitely more complex than the world sometimes allows us to be, the less embarrassed you will feel.

**Question originally answered on December 3, 2010**


3 thoughts on “Embarrassed to be Gay

  1. Well as someone who doesn’t believe in a Creator, is extremely embarrassed to be gay, and hates it when people say to pray, I don’t think their problem is that they aren’t actually gay. I think that the homophobic society we live in is what makes us embarrassed about it. Some people will judge us just for being gay, not for who we really are. I agree with Dannielle, you’ll grow used to your sexuality and won’t be embarrassed once you do.

  2. How ironic someone who believes in a “creator” dares to point out out science.

    There’s biological evidence for homosexuality but I doubt you understand current scientific research and methodology since you argue in behalf of a magical creator and prayers, which have been scientifically unproven.

    Also you seem to confuse shame due to societal discrimination to the validity of this persons sexuality as if that’s a clue that he’s confuse and so are most homosexuals.

    This is typical religious mindset where this person instigates that the reason for homosexuality is lack of religious beliefs.

    Please keep your particular religious beliefs and your particular god out of this, you’re not doing anyone a favor.

  3. Anonymous full support toward you! I personally am queer proud, but, I have a lot of friends who are embarrassed their sexuality. It is completely normal! in my personal opinion, a lot of people do talk it down, a lot of religious people do, but hey in this life, no matter who you are, or what you do, there’s always going to be hate, reflect on who you are, and don’t worry about it. Just be you! My suggestion for personal acceptance, listen to the song everyone is gay, by a great big world, that always puts a smile on my face. Take care, and remember the LGBTQ community will always support you!

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