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"I want to come out as bi but I’m only 14 and people might think I’m confused. Should I come out now or wait a while longer?"

Question submitted by youdontknowwhoiam124

Dannielle Says:

The fact of the matter is, people “might think you’re confused” regardless of your age. I have friends who figured out they might be gay when they were 28 and people asked if they were sure they JUST HADN’T FOUND THE RIGHT GUY… This is real life, people.

It sucks because some of the world is super accepting and supportive. HOWEVER, another large part of the world sees your being bi as something DIFFERENT, which means, while they might not think it’s the worst thing in the world, they still want you to know there is an option to NOT BE THAT WAY.

It’s a little effed up, yea, but I think it happens to all of us regardless of age. If you feel comfortable enough to come out, I think you should. You don’t come out for people around you, you come out for you. That is what is important here. There will be questions / concerns / comments from people, sure, but keep in mind that YOU know yourself. Even if your mind changes in 15 minutes, this is exactly who you are right now. This is not a phase, you are not confused. You are you.

Kristin Says:


Dannielle skewered the heart of that matter really well: you come out for you.

We are two grown-ass ladies and we can tell you that we know for a fact that your identity when you are 14 years old is just as valid as your identity when you are 35 years old. Sure, maybe I have some more life-experience than I had when I was 14, and maybe I view the world differently because of it, but that does NOT invalidate who I was at 14. At all.

It sounds to me like you want to come out, and that you are feeling very sure about who you are — so I would encourage you to tell whomever you want, however you want. Even if your identity changes a bit as the years go by — that does not reflect poorly on you, or mean that you were ‘wrong’ about who you are right now.

No matter who we are, the way we view ourselves and the world around us changes as time passes. This ‘phase’ bullshit is exactly that: bullshit. Growing, learning, expressing those views and feelings, that is life. It’s not a fucking phase.

Go get ‘em.


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4 thoughts on “Coming Out at 14

  1. I came out as bi two years ago, as a 22 year old and people (both LGBTQ and straight) still think I am confused or in a phase. I knew in high school but didn’t come out to my family until after college because I had heard the “bisexuality doesn’t exist” thing so many times I assumed I WAS in a phase. Lame sauce. You do you, and rock the pants off of it!!! (K&D: why does NO ONE comment? I just scrolled through 20 some questions and peeps not be posting!)

  2. I’m a 14 year old going through the same shit. I’m scared of coming out as bi because I think people will judge me or I will lose my family. Its the hardest thing I have to face as a child. I have decided to wait longer so I can come out but I have this urge or a voice in my head telling me to come out. I guess lgbt people are labeled as “different when we are all the same. I wish my life could change for the better and have people accept me for who I really am. :/

  3. I’m 13 soon to be 14 and I am also woshig to come out as bi. I’m mostly scared cuz a guy came out at my school a while back as bi and no one really likes him. I’m just scared that I’ll tell everyone then figure out is was just a faze. I don’t want to hold it in anymore and I really do want people to know who I really am. I don’t know what to do anymore

  4. im 14 turning 15 and i only came out as bi to 1 friend so far… its the scariest shit and it really really sucks but just know my heart is with you and im sure so many others feel the same way. there are always going to be ignorant people who dont accept you for who you are but trust me you’ll be happier without them. most people like that dont bring good to anyone’s life regardless of their gender, sexuality, race, or anything else. coming out is so personal and whatever makes you happy is what matters so dont focus too much on how other people feel!!! its okay to do what makes you happy and it doesnt make you selfish. anyone who doesnt accept you for who you are doesn’t deserve your time love or energy. xx i hope all is going well my heart is with you!!

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