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"So, my love life has been super rocky lately. (also I’m straight and have never dated a girl.) well, maybe I’m straight? anyways, the point is a girl at my college asked me on a date this weekend. I don’t know if I’m questioning my sexuality because I’m lonely or questioning because I’m potentially bisexual? HELP."

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

I’ll tell you right now, if you were not interested in going on a date with this girl, you would not be interested in going on a date with this girl.

Alternate perspective: you’re interested in going out with this girl BECAUSE YOU’RE INTERESTED IN GOING OUT WITH THIS GIRL.

You should do it. I don’t think it’s wrong to date someone just because you wanna see if it’ll work. Isn’t that what dating is? I think it’s weird that we’re like “WHOA YOU CAN’T DATE GIRLS BECAUSE YOU HAVEN’T LABELED YOURSELF AS A PERSON WHO DATES GIRLS”… I don’t care how you identify. We are all people walking around in the world wanting to hug, kiss, bone, hold hands with, dance with, laugh with, get in fights with, cuddle with, yell at, buy presents for, roll our eyes at, be sassy to, and otherwise relate to PEOPLE.

I gettttt ittttt, we should figure out if we REALLY have the capacity to be in a relationship with someone of WHATEVER gender before we try it…but like… how do you ever know if you don’t try it?! LIKE, HOW?! I did not know I was gay until a girl kissed me and I was like “oooh okay i could maybe get into this.” I had no fucking clue, it hadn’t even crossed my mind. Imagine had I never kissed that girl because I didn’t KNOW whether I LIKED/WANTED to kiss girls or I just wanted to kiss someone bc my mouth was lonely? WHERE WOULD THE WORLD BE? THERE WOULD BE NO EVERYONE IS GAY OR LESBIANS WHO LOOK LIKE JUSTIN BIEBER. THIS SOUNDS TERRIBLE. go on the date, bye.

Kristin Says:

Yup. Go. Stop reading this and pick up your phone and make this happen.

I agree with Dannielle a gabillion million percent: you would not go on this date if you had absolutely no capacity to potentially be into this girl. If that were the case you’d be like UGH WHY IS IT THAT THIS WONDERFUL PERSON WOULD BE WITH ME AND I AM NOT INTERESTED WHYYYYY, instead of like WAIIIIT MAYYYYYBE??!

I don’t mean to spoiler alert most of your lives for you, but… the majority of people can connect with other people in emotional, romantic, and physical ways that do not hinge on gender identity or body parts alone. We are bodies and brains and hearts, and if there were no larger societal structure telling us what “boys” and “girls” were supposed to be like or what “sex” was supposed to be like, this world would be a completely different place.

Sorry to get all BIG PICTURE on you, but I just think that you’ll never learn about your capacities for connection if you don’t follow your heart and take some risks. It is okay to go on a date and see how that feels. It is okay to go on many dates and talk about how you’ve never explored this part of your sexuality before with the person you are dating. It is okay if you fall in love and reassess what that means for your identity, and it is also okay if you don’t fall in love and don’t reassess your identity!

Do it. Let your heart be open. So long as you are honest with yourself and the person you date (should things go past a couple of dates), you really can’t lose.


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