"I don’t know if I should trust my own judgement right now, because I can’t tell if I’m just being lonely and desperate or if I actually want/feel something. How can you tell if you’re just stupidly lonely?"
- Question submitted by Anonymous
OKAY HEAR ME OUT… loneliness and desperation are real feelings of want. So, you sort of answered your own question.
I mean, if you’re about to engage in some emotional, romantic, or sexual activity with another person, be honest with them about your confusions. Saying “Hey, I’m not sure where I’m at right now, I don’t know if I want a relationship or I just want to spend time with someone, and I don’t want to lead you on, but I love being around you” can be pretty easy. It’s much easier than stringing that person along or trying to fake some feels you don’t have.
AND if you’re thinking of trying to find a person to cuddle, not knowing if you REALLY want a human to share your life with… THAT IS ALSO OKAY.
You will only know the answer to this question if you seek out the answer to this question. You have to try it out, try meeting people, try getting involved with people, try cuddling, try whatever. Try the things you THINK you want, in order to figure out what you ACTUALLY want.
is this bad advice? kristin, halp.
No, you did good Dannielle.
I can still halp tho. Let me tell you a story. A million years ago (read: 5 years) when I started dating my now-wife, she was all, “Hey just FYI I don’t want to date.”
Then we dated for four years and then we got married.
The point of that story is to tell you that our judgement is really, really tricky sometimes, and that being honest with your boo(s) about what you want and need is totally cool, just like Dannielle said… and also doesn’t foreclose the possibility of things changing in the future.
ADDITIONAL ITEM: If you are with someone and you realize every time they make Hot Pockets for dinner you are miserable and you hate watching re-runs of Jeopardy and when you make out you’re thinking about whether or not you need to buy cat litter, but YOU JUST WANT SOMEONE AROUND, get tf out of there and stop it. That’s not fair to anyone and you are wasting good Hot Pockets. If you are all butterflies sometimes and confused other times and unsure… welcome to dating, and take the above advice about being honest and flexible with your feels.
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