advice, asexual, everyone is gay, kristin russo, lgbt, lgbt advice
“I'm not really good at putting myself out there, or talking about my problems much because I am supposed to be the rock all my friends go to. But I have a problem, and there is no one I can talk to. You see, I don't like men. I don't like women either. I have crushes, but they never go beyond friendship for me. Ever. I've had to turn down three of my good friends because they wanted something more than friendship. It's really hard for me, because even though I'm alll like 'we can still be friends, for realsies' it rarely works out that way. Someone told me that I could be asexual and at first I kind of played it off, but now i'm really worried. All I can think about is that if I accept it, does that mean I have to be alone for the rest of my life?”
-Question submitted by Anonymous
Dannielle Says:
I mean, you COULD be asexual, but chances are way more likely that you’re scared.
If you’ve never been in a relationship and you have awesome friends, why would you wanna chance it. Some attractions and sexi feelings have to grow with you. Instead of immediately saying ‘no,’ maybe you should try it out. I mean, next time someone is like ‘i really like you, can we be more than friends’ try it out, tell them you don’t know that you’re ready for something insanely serious bc you’ve never been in a real relaysh before, but you like being around them and you wouldn’t mind holding their hand. If person A wants to figure it out with you, person A will be down and you guys can hold hands and maybe you will feel some different and cool feelings.
Kristin Says:
First things first: Regardless of whether you are asexual or not, you definitely do not have to be alone for the rest of your life. This is a hard question to delve into, because we only have limited information about how you feel toward those people you say you have, “crushes” on, but I would imagine that the feelings you have are pretty intense for you to know that they are different from just your regular friendships. There is, of course, a chance that you are just not interested in sex, and if that is the case then you should know that there are others out there who are comfortable getting into a relationship with an asexual person, and that asexuality takes many different forms. I really haven’t read much about the asexual community, but I know that one exists, and I found some interesting and worthwhile information on this website if you want to check it out.
There are also many people who will take it slow with you while you explore your feelings. I have dated girls who have been very adamant about waiting a good amount of time before having sex, and others that have their clothes off before I shut the door. To be honest, the bigger turn on (for me) is the girl who takes things slowly (although I totally understand the girl who takes her clothes off).
ANYWAY. Sexuality is all about exploration, so try to explore the feelings you have. You may try out kissing someone and be like, “HOLY VOMIT, NEVER,” or you may like it, or you may hate the first time and love the second time. We are all pretty complex as sexual beings, so don’t be afraid to explore (safely!) and know that there are plenty of combinations of people out there who fit together perfectly – asexuals included.
