“I suffer from PTSD and have night terrors where I will end up screaming in my sleep. My girl of two years broke up with me cuz I told her I didn't want to take medicine for it (just my beliefs) and she also said she couldn't handle me being crazy and sleeping next to someone who screams at random.
NOW, I've met this really great new awesome lady and it's to that point where she wants to stay over. I'm afraid to have her sleep next to me and have the same thing happen where she thinks I'm nuts, but if I talk to her about it, I don't want to come off as crazy either. Advice?”
- Question submitted by Anonymous
Let me tell you a story of what’s going to happen if you don’t talk to her.
You’ll be hanging out. It’s new, it’s fun, you fucking love your life. You make sure to not sleep over and it’s AWESOME, you guys make out and hang out until 4 am and then you stumble home drunk on lurve (aka luv). Thursday rolls around and you’ve been up until 4am 6 nights in a row with this girl. You’re powering on a total of 14 hours of sleep and you’re delirious. You guys are (re)watching the L Word Season two and just as Jenny is picturing herself at a circus (or some shit), you drift off. You didn’t mean to, in fact, you resisted with all your might. BUT IT HAPPENED. And how you do wake up? Screaming and scaring the shit out of your new love.
So, ANONYMOUS, I recommend you tell her, I don’t see what’s so bad about this. Yea, I know, it sucks, I do get it, but also, (you guys i’m using so many commas) it could be a lot worse. Yang and Hunt fell in love despite his PTSD, they had to work through it. YES THAT IS GREYS ANATOMY BUT WHO CARES IT IS BASED ON REAL LIFE. I don’t think you have to take medicine for it. I’m sure there’s a way through therapy and discovery of SELF…you know? Stick to your guns. You’ll figure it out, and it might take a while, but you’ll figure it out. i have mad faith in you.
“Jenny is picturing herself at a circus (or some shit)” -Dannielle Owens-Reid
“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA” – Kristin Russo
Moving on…I have a few choice words for your ex-girlfriend who called you ‘crazy,’ and used that as a reason for breaking up the relationship. The entire point of having a relationship with someone, as far as I can tell from my thirty years of experience (#babydating), is to help each other grow and learn and also to have someone who will go lock the door when you forgot to do it and are already warm under the covers. If you are struggling with post-traumatic stress disorder, that doesn’t make you crazy. It makes you a person with PTSD. If your boo doesn’t want to wake up in the middle of the night to your screaming, you can work something out as you go through this process. That is NOT too much to ask.
It is awesome that this girl wants to get under the covers with you and sleep over, and now is the perfect time to explain to her what you are dealing with. Tell her that you want her to stay over, but that you want to share something about yourself before taking that step. Tell her that your last girlfriend made you feel really shitty about it, and that you want to handle it in a way that will keep both of you feeling secure and comfortable. If that means that one of you moves to a different room/to the couch after spooning and boning and laughing and kissing and boning, then that is what you decide. If she wants to learn what makes you the most comfortable in the middle of the night, or she wants to hug the holy hell out of you after you wake up, then that sounds great, too.
See what she wants to do, and don’t assume the worst. The person who made you feel bad was your ex. This is a different person with a different brain and heart and nose and mouth and stuff. Get me?