“How do you know when it's time to let a relationship go?”
- Question submitted by Anonymous
Generally, right around the time you’re asking yourself this question. I always feel like if you’re wondering ‘should I break up with HERMIONEGRANGER?’ then you should break up with HERMIONEGRANGER. Regardless of the fact that she’s pretty and can do magic.
A lot of times when people get into relationships they forget that they are a person. DOES THAT MAKE SENSE? It’s like, you’re in a relationship and it’s no longer ‘me’ it’s ‘us’ and you consider your relationship before your own happiness. Now, this isn’t always a bad thing. I think it’s great to be like ‘ooh, i got offered a job in CA, i wonder if my boo will want to move with me or what we should do to make sure this works’ That’s awesome, that’s considering the relationship in a healthy way and everyone has to do that to make the relaysh work.
HOWEVZIES. You should not ever compromise your own happiness bc you feel like you ‘SHOULD’ be in a relationship. The fact of the matter is, we don’t know what happens after we die, we have some ideas that we throw around and i’m all about believing what you want…but as far as right now is concerned we have ONE LIFE. You’ve got one life to be as happy as you can possibly be. Don’t compromise your happiness for anything. If you’re in a relationship and you feel like you don’t want to be in it, you have no reason to force yourself to stay. You have to be honest with yourself and your boo. You staying bc you HAVE to isn’t fair to anyone. I, personally, would NEVER want to be in a relaysh with someone who didn’t want me 100%, you know?
You get it, do what you have to do to be happy.
Relationships, regardless of how functional, tend to be equal parts, “I’m the king of the world” via Leo DiCaprio and “What the fuck was I thinking” via Jenny Owen Youngs. Spending a part of your life (however long or short) with another individual is one of the most intense, incredible, insane experiences that exists, rivaled only, perhaps, by the experience of being on a sinking ship in the middle of the ocean with Kate Winslet #titanicmonday Every time you think you have a handle on who you are and how the relationship works, there you are again, feeling something brand new. So, first things first, don’t get discouraged that you are having a hard time figuring this shit out. Okay?
That said, I have had about 13 years of relationship experience, and I have found the following to be fairly true: If you have been asking yourself that question for more than two months, it’s time to let it go…and if you find yourself asking yourself that question on and off for more than six months, it is also time to let it go. We all fall into little ruts of panic where we look at our significant other and our brain turns inside out and we are like, “Oh my god, who am I, who is she, what is going on and why did she just put this song on the radio, I CAN’T DO THIS I’M FREAKING OUT.” That is totally normal, and the best thing to do is to talk about it with your boo, because when you acknowledge the scary feelings…they often get a lot less scary.
However. When you can feel yourself squelching down those feelings consistently, or when you find yourself having internal arguments with yourself where you are justifying the reasons you should stay in the relationship, you are at a place where the relationship is not healthy. First step is the same as above: talk about it. The next step is to continue to be honest with yourself about your feelings, and not duck back under the safety of the relationship just for the sake of not being alone. Ending a relationship when no one has done anything explicitly wrong is an incredibly hard and painful process, but it is worlds better than staying in it for the wrong reasons. Trust me on this one, okay?
I really wanted to bring this all back to Titanic, but all I can think of is the trio of musicians who played as the ship went down and the old couple who spooned and made me cry, and none of that makes any relevant sense. Oh! Wait. Something important to remember is that, despite how hard this feels in the moment, YOUR HEART WILL GO ON via Celine Dion. #titanicmonday