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"What’s the least uncomfortable way to let your friends know that YOU CAN TOTALLY HEAR THEM HAVING SEX DEAR GOD I AM TRYING TO SLEEP UGH"

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

I’m torn between sending a text that says “sounds like you guys were having A BLAST last night” or running into them in the kitchen and saying “Guys, don’t be weird around me okay?” and when they say “what do you mean” responding with “oh, i just mean because I hear you having sex all the time, I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable, I understand that intercourse is completely natural and you can’t control the noises you make.”

Maybe I’m legit the worst, but I feel like embarrassing them is a really good way to handle this.. NO?? Listen, one time I was making out with someone and the next day my bff was like “remember when you guys thought no one could see you making out? you’re both idiots” and I was embarrassed but also it was so funny. bc like… it’s just funny. People make out, people have sex, people are loud, it happens. Just approach it lightly and from a place of humor and they’ll get the point without feeling like assholes.

YOU’LL BE FINE.

oh. or send them a link to this and be like ‘LOL THAT’S U GUYZ’

Kristin Says:

You guys, that was me who said that to Dannielle. That was me. She was making out in front of me but thought I couldn’t see her. I AM VERY FUNNY. {bow}

I think an another solution to your problem would be to get giant earmuffs and a helmet, and very dramatically put them on before you walk into your bedroom. Stand at the door until someone says, “What are you doing?” and then scream, “WHAT ARE YOU SAYING???? I CAN’T HEAR YOU I HAD TO PUT ON MY PROTECTIVE NOW-I-CAN’T-HEAR-YOUR-SEX-NOISES HEADGEAR BEFORE BED!!”

Right?

Or, how about when you hear them having sex, you start making fake sex noises from your side of the wall… (ie: Them: {moan, thud, moan} / You: {louder thud, ‘OH YEA!!!’, loud sequence of thuds}). That will also get the point across.

In all seriousness though… if it is actually legitimately keeping you from sleeping, that is DIS-RUH-SPECTFUL, and you should just be really casual about it, and say something like, “This is a free country and I am totally into the fact that you enjoy having sex, but I was wondering if you guys might be able to be a little quieter in the very late hours only because I am terrified I am going to have a sex dream about you and then have to move out and then you won’t have a roommate and that will probably be a strain on your relationship and then you might stop having sex altogether and that would be horrible… so… what do you think?!”

Then, bat your eyelashes.

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