"I think when people cheat it’s selfish to tell the person they cheated on. If you want to stay with them isn’t it just better to shut up and not hurt them?"
- Question submitted by Anonymous
I think the act of cheating is selfish. Besides, aren’t most cheaters found out anyway?
I mean, really, not telling the person is just kind of cowardly. If you want to be in a relationship with someone, don’t cheat on them. Period. There is no “cheat on them, but don’t say anything” rule because cheating isn’t a thing that should happen in the first place. If you want to be in a relationship with someone and they want to be in a relationship with you, you build a trust that you hope will not be broken. Cheating breaks that trust and lying about it breaks that trust even further.
HOWEVER, if you do cheat on someone, the only way the two of you will be able to work through that is if you tell them. The action was bad, yes, but lying about it is worse. There are second chances in life, people can work through things, but NONE of that is possible if you’re not being honest. Talk about it, be open, admit your mistakes, try to work together. Lying never solves problems, communication does.
I certainly do not think it is selfish to be honest with your partner about a mistake that you’ve made. I think the reason that people generally don’t tell their partner about cheating is because they don’t want to lose their relationship… and that, in my opinion, is the selfish act.
I understand that what you are trying to communicate is, “If I know it meant nothing and I know they won’t understand, then why put them through all of the hurt when it won’t happen again,” but… honestly, f**k that. You mess up, you own it. Sure, they might not understand, sure you might lose a relationship or have some serious issues to work through because of those actions – but if a person goes so far as to take those actions, they need to own them and be honest.
Let me tell you what: if you cheat on a person and you are super upset about it and it was a one time thing and you messed up and you will never do it again and you TALK to your partner, you might lose them, but you might also be able to work through it. If you cheat on a person and never tell them and some day, down the line, they find out… then you aren’t just a cheater. You’re a liar, too.
Short answer: No, it’s not selfish. If you cheat, you own up to that. End of story.