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Bad Valentine's Advice

Watch: The Worst Valentine’s Advice We Could Find On The Internet! The internet is full of horrible advice, and Valentine’s Day is the perfect excuse for even more of it… so, here is Dannielle interpreting some (un)helpful Valentine’s Day advice (found and delivered to her by Kristin).


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"Hi there! Basically, I'm the only person in my family who's not in a relationship, and with Valentine's Day coming up... there's a lot of questions from them about any boys I might be interested in. I'm a lesbian so it's pretty frustrating! Is coming out on/very close to Valentine's day a bad idea? I feel like I'll go mad if they keep asking me questions...but I've read a lot of advice that says not to come out near times like that. Any thoughts?"

-Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

ANY ADVICE THAT HAS URGED YOU TO NOT COME OUT IS BAD ADVICE. STOP TRUSTING THOSE ADVICE-GIVERS AND WEBSITES. If the coming out is what you want to do, if your heart feels contented at the thought, if your shoulder weight is significantly reduced at the mere suggestion, if you feel safe and if you WANT. TO. COME. OUT. Do it.

Who gives a flying fuck about Valentine’s Day?!?! If anything, this works to your advantage. You can photoshop yourself into a Valentine’s Day card featuring you and Lady Celeb of choice! You can spell “I am a queer” in assorted chocolate bites. You can make a macrame heart and use little pins to write “I HEART LADIES.” The world is legitimately your oyster.

Come out because you want to come out, not because someone told you it’s the right time.


Kristin Says:


Not coming out near Valentine’s Day is the silliest advice I have ever heard. WHY?! That. It. No sense. It doesn’t make sense. So, since you are coming out on Valentine’s Day to make your family stop yammering about your lack of a boyfriend (and possibly, now, start to yammer about your lack of a girlfriend), here are a few more ideas on how to do it:


2. Buy one of those big teddy bears that say “I Love You,” and tape a sign that says “GIRLS” over the “You.” Leave this on the couch in your family’s house.

3. Put on a recording of “Cupid” by Sam Cooke and at the chorus, sing along, “Cuuuupid drawwww backk youuuur booooow-owwww, and let I’M A LESBIAN shoowwwwww…”

4. Give your family a Valentine’s Day card that says: “To: My Family // Love: Your Gay Daughter.”

5. OMG I don’t know if there is time, but you could get them custom candy hearts that just say, “Lesbian.” Don’t explain anything past that. Just raise your eyebrows.

You’re welcome?


Hi! Our advice is always free for all to read & watch. Help us keep this gay ship chuggin’ by donating as little as $1/month over here on Patreon. xo


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"Dear K&D, what do I do for my girlfriend on v day??? I'm very bad at thinking of cute stuff. Like would it be lame to get her the bathrobe she wants from Wal mart?? We are in college and both not out so going out isn't really an option. Halp!"

- Question submitted by sparkledonut

Dannielle Says:

Listen. One year I super wanted a tae-bo DVD and my bff knew that and my boyfriend had no idea what to get me, so he got me that DVD I wanted and a silly teddy bear and made me dinner. We ate chicken and listened to Luther Vandross in his dorm room and it was literally perfect. I still have the teddy bear. I think I got him a Lord of the Rings poster, and I’m pretty sure when I walked into the hallway I asked why it smelled like feet and that feet smell was the chicken he made…BUT LIKE.. it was still the most memorable Valentine’s Day I’ve ever had.

I just went through and I actually do not remember another Valentine’s Day from my life… oops.

My point is, yea, get her the robe from Wal-Mart because who cares? and YOLO. Get her the thing she wants, make up a cute night at home, or drive her to a cool place for a picnic, or take her to denny’s at 4am when no one is hanging out and make the most of it. If you want VDay to be special, it will be because you’re together, not because of the presents you give.

Kristin Says:


You can get her this necklace or a personalized video from us?!?!?!

Bathrobes also totally rule. On my first Christmas with Jenny she bought me a bathrobe and I had never mentioned wanting one nor thought about getting one for myself, ever, and I was confused when I opened it bc… a bathrobe? AND THEN I PUT IT ON AND NEVER TOOK IT OFF I LOVE IT SO MUCH AND IT IS PROBABLY WHY I MARRIED HER.

Also, though, the necklace and video ideas are pretty legit.


Hi! Our advice is always free for all to read & watch. Help us keep this gay ship chuggin’ by donating as little as $1/month over here on Patreon. xo


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"I've been on a few dates with this girl. We still haven't kissed yet, but I really want to do something for Valentines Day with her. Do you think this is too soon in a relationship?"

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

Okay, listen up folk. Anything that has to do with dating someone on any holiday is 100% dependent on what you do and NOT what day it is…Let’s use a birthday for example, If you met someone two weeks ago and call their mom to get the family involved in their birthday and you throw them a surprise party … THAT’S TOO DRAMATIC. If you say “Hey, I know your birthday is coming up and we’ve only been on three dates, but I’d love to take you to dinner to celebrate your birth,” that is just sweet. That’s all…

My gf and I will either (1) forget that it’s a day or (2) go to our friend’s house to watch Broad City and eat chips together because who cares or (3) go to our favorite restaurant for a perfect dinner and then say nice things to each other. ALL OF THOSE THINGS ARE ACCEPTABLE REGARDLESS OF STAGE OF RELATIONSHIP. Because we have been together for a hot minute and know each other v well and have talked intensely about the things we care about and what valentine’s day is, we will not (1) get married or (2) buy each other trips to fiji or (3) adopt a pet. ALL OF THOSE THINGS ARE NOT ACCEPTABLE IN NEW REALTIONSHIPS, BUT ARE PRETTY OKAY IF YOU HAVE BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP FOR LONG ENOUGH TO ESTABLISH THAT THOSE THINGS ARE OKAY.

I think my advice is be casual and don’t take it too seriously?? You’ve been on dates, it’s a fun night to go out, you want to do something special because you think doing special things are fun. Just communicate that you want to have a fun night and you’re not expecting anything from her and you are good2go.

Kristin Says:

One out of one Kristins agree: follow Dannielle’s advice.

You can absolutely hang on Valentine’s Day with a new boo because it is legit a day where a tiny angel with a bow and arrow shoots people in the butt and makes them fall in love and that is REALLY SILLY so all you have to do is be like, “I’d love to grab dinner with you if you aren’t afraid of Cupid shooting you in the ass?”

Meaning, all you need to do is make light of it, and then she will, too, and TADA it will be great and you will do great. Sidebar: I highly recommend just having her over for dinner bc restaurants LOSE THEIR MINDS on Valentine’s Day and it overwhelms me. And obviously your Valentine’s Day is supposed to make me happy.


Hi! Our advice is always free for all to read & watch. Help us keep this gay ship chuggin’ by donating as little as $1/month over here on Patreon. xo


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"What are some good ideas for Valentine’s Day?"

-Question submitted by itsgreattobealive

Dannielle Says:

I love that you didn’t specify this question in THE LEAST. I have no idea if you’re looking for romantic ideas, gift ideas, just generally what a friday should look like, how to have an “all the single ladies” night. I can literally say whatever I want bc you’ve left it open for me, and I appreciate that.

Good Ideas for Valentine’s Day:

1. Call it “ValenTIMES day”

2. Go to Target two days after V-Day and purchase candy 50-75% off

3. Watch rom-coms alone in your bedroom.

4. Make a playlist of slow One Direction songs and put on big headphones, turn it all the way up and sit on a park bench.

5. Cook dinner for your boo and put an engagement ring inside the vegan cheesecake.


7. Spin the bottle.

8. Take your cat to get groomed and place bets on how long she’ll hate you afterward.

9. Go to a musical show and propose during a romantic song. or go to a basketball game and propose on a jumbotron.

10. Make an entire weekend of the holiday. Go to all of the places you went on your first few dates and recreate the selfies you took together. Pledge to kiss each other every ten minutes on the 14th. Say “I love you” every ten minutes on the 15th. Make a list of your favorite things about one another and read them out loud on the 16th. Remember it’s a dumb holiday and doesn’t make a ton of sense, but the entire point is to do dumb shit like flowers and bears and candies for no reason at all, it’s just a stupid day to remember that you’re in love and your love is a very special love and while we should be doting on our loves all year round, we get caught up. Life gets out of hand and we forget to make one another feel special. So here’s your chance to do all the dumbest things to make up for the special moments that were forgotten.

Kristin Says:

Good Ideas for Valentine’s Day (cont.)

11. Buy yourself a new humidifier. We all need to stay hydrated.

12. Find a copy of Darren’s Dance moves and either invite over your friends, Skype your little cousin, or ask your boo to join you in learning the whole routine.


14. Clean out your closet. Literally or metaphorically.

15. Pack a picnic basket with all the trimmings, and then layout the picnic blanket in your living room. Bonus points for creating a picnic FORT.

16. Rent a karaoke machine. Dear god, please rent a karaoke machine.

17. Go to the bank and get as many pennies as you can. Then, have a contest where you either a) compete for the best penny sculpture OR b) see who can stack the most pennies without them toppling. This, again, works for friends or boos.

18. Look up a new recipe. This one isn’t funny. It’s just nice to cook sometimes.


20. Work on your most incredibly creative Kristin & Dannielle valentine, and send it to us at: 237 Flatbush Avenue #153 Brooklyn NY 11217. We will totally put our favorites on the world wide web. Blamo.