"I did something terrible and snooped on a Facebook chat my girlfriend was having with an ex. I know it was wrong, but I saw her tell him that she’s been considering breaking up with me but hasn’t because I’m ‘too nice.’ It’s a shock b/c she’s always loving up on me and we recently made plans to move in together! I feel like I need to talk to her about it but don’t know how to start. Any suggestions?"
- Question submitted by Anonymous
YEESH. Part a. YEESH. It’s like, you snooped. You snoopz you looze… that didn’t work as well as I thought, but my point is your boobear is going to be upset because snooping AUTOMATICALLY implies mistrust.
If you trusted your boobear whole-heartedly, you wouldn’t have felt compelled to look at her Facebook chats at all. It wouldn’t have even occurred to you. This prob is two-fold, (1) something is amiss in your relationship, which is what made you wonder (2) your own insecurities got the best of you and now you feel validated.
AND I feel like (1) can totally feed into (2), which I think that’s might be what’s really going on. I say this because you said “she’s always loving up on me” you didn’t say “we are so in love” or “I am so heartbroken” or “we’ve never had any issues” …You don’t even seem that bummed out about it, tbh. WHICH IS TOTALLY FINE. I think you just need to own up to the fact that things have been feeling off, which is why you were feeling weak / insecure, which is probably why you thought to peep her chats in the first place, which is how you saw what she was saying, which leads to why you are uncomfortable and the two of you need to have a convo.
We all make mistakes, especially when we are feeling insecure or off about something. You snooping will be a hurdle, for sure, but the core of the issue is you and your boo not feeling 100% about your status and that talk needs to happen before you move in together and you just randomly yell “I SAW YOUR FACEBOOKS” while she’s spilling cap’n crunch on her crotch. #capncrunchcrotch
Oh yea, please do us all a favor (but mostly yourself), and do not move in with this humanboo until you speak with her about what is up, and do so honestly and whilst being as cool-headed as you can BECAUSE:
While this is certainly a huge yeesh… who the hell knows what kind of conversation she was having with that ex or what her motivations were?! Maybe he’s hurting a bunch and she didn’t know what to say and so she was like YEA WHO EVEN IS HAPPY NOT ME IM NOT HAPPY SO LOOK EVERYTHING IS FINE. That isn’t highly likely, but the thing is you simply cannot know because you discovered this while on a snoop and like Dannielle always says #yousnoopz #youlooze
So: sit your humanboo down and say, “I did something bad and now things are really messy, here is what went down. I was feeling shaky and I fucked up big time and I snooped on your chat and that may be reason enough for you to be furious with me and signal that things aren’t great between us BUT ALSO in my snoop I saw that you were considering breaking up with me so maybe we should talk about all of this.” Then bury your face in the nearest pillow and scream. Then sit up, and talk to her.
People’s feelings are complicated (Avril Lavigne wrote a song about this in 2002), and you cannot get anywhere by snooping (unless you’re my mom in 1994 who found out I let Dan VanWagenen touch my boob while watching the movie ‘Baby’s Day Out’). You must now speak, about your snoopz and about her feels — and the next time you want to snoop, just, well, just watch Baby’s Day Out or something.
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