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"My girlfriend of almost two years wants to get married, like, next year. She’s serious; she even wants to buy rings, etc. I want to be with her too and marry her some day, but I think it’s too early for me to get married (I’m 23, she’s 26), and I think it’s too early in our relationship to get married. So I keep telling her that it’s too early blah blah, but she thinks I’m rejecting her! What do I do? Please help."

-Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

ALMOST TWO YEARS. That’s it?!!? You guys, that’s like 1/40th of your lifespan.

Okay, I’m being dramatic, that’s a fine amount of time to talk about marriage and get rings etc. But here’s my feeling on the situation… What’s the rush? The two of you want to be together forever, right? You’ve had the conversation, you feel the same feels, you don’t want anyone else, THAT’S AWESOME… Why do you have to put a ring on it right this second?

Also, it’s really hard to explain to someone “I want to be with you forever and ever and ever and I want to wear a ring but like i don’t want that ring right now because… ” I DONT KNOW.

I would ask your boo why she’s in such a rush. SERIOUSLY ask her, though. Don’t just say it in a backhanded way and then stomp off to your room with a box of cap’n crunch. Ask her and listen to her. Acknowledge what she’s saying and tell her why you’re uncomfortable.

I had no fucking clue who I was when I was 23 years old. I mean, I thought I knew everything and I felt okay about where I was, but I’ve changed so much. I’ve grown so much. I would feel WAY more comfortable sharing my life with someone as I am now. Getting married isn’t just about saying ‘hey i love this human’ you can do that with a necklace and a trip to Florida. Getting married is about so much more and if you’re not there, you’re just not. It doesn’t mean you love her any less.

Kristin Says:

I know I just quoted Dannielle yesterday but, you guys, remember how you can tell someone you love them with “a necklace and a trip to Florida”? Dannielle is my favorite person.

ON TO ADVICE.

Getting married really is a totally huge deal. I am 32 years old and only within the last handful of years did it start to feel like, “Okay, this life thing is still pretty nuts, but I know myself and I know this person, and I am ready to take this step.” That didn’t mean I didn’t love the people I was with before being able to take that step, it meant that I respected myself and my relationship enough to know what we were ready for, and what we were not. You are making the right decision by waiting until you feel more comfortable.

I would say something like, “I love you and I want to be with you, and I want to be with you forever. The thing about forever, though, is that it can start now without us getting married, and that the journey we are going to go on together is going to have a lot of dips and bends and curves… I want to be able to grow more before we take that step, so that I can feel more prepared for those things. I want to work to prepare for our marriage, and I want to work together to be able to communicate that to you in a way that lets you know I love you, always.”

Be patient with her frustrations, and be reassuring. The bottom line is that, if she is able to be patient with you and work to understand where you are coming from, then you will be able to grow with her to a place where you are both ready to take those steps together, at the right time for you both.

ALSO TELL HER PLANNING A WEDDING IS RIDICULOUS AND SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT SHE’S GETTING INTO AND SHE SHOULD THANK YOU FOR MAKING HER WAIT.

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"Is it possible to be too attached to your significant other, and too involved in the relationship??"

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

Anything is possible, but also everything is different for every human all of the time. I don’t know what too attached means to you, but chances are if you’re feeling like you’ve lost a part of yourself, you probably have.

I always suggest making time for yourself REGARDLESS OF HOW YOU FEEL. I know in the beginning it’s all boo all the time, but you can’t do that forever or you’ll completely lose yourself and you’ll blame your booboobear (subconsciously, of course).

You can be as attached or involved as you wanna be as long as you take some time for you. Just a few hours a day or a couple days a week or whatever, get back in touch with your emotions and what not, you know? Humans are soooo difficult, we have to work super hard to understand ourselves, why we do what we do, why we are who we are, why we react the way we react, etc. We are always changing and we have to take that time to grow and understand ourselves. WHICH YOU CAN DO IN A RELATIONSHIP if you take the time to actually do it. So, TAKE THE TIME OR I’LL FIGHT YOU.

Kristin Says:

Yes, yes, YES – you absolutely can be too involved in your relationship and HERE’S WHAT’S TRICKY: a lot of times you can’t even tell that you need “you” time because you get so used to having all boo-time all the time.

Personally, I think that it should be a relationship rule (A Ruleationship) that you have at least (AT LEAST!!!) one night every week to yourselves. I am the first one to be like BUT I MISSSSS YOU BUT I LOOOOOVE YOU BUT WAH WAH WAH, but let me tell you what… anytime that I take that time alone, I wind up having such an incredible evening.

No matter who we are or how we operate, we all need to sit in the silence that comes from time with ourselves. It is during that time when our brains finally begin to unwind, to think the thoughts that have been hidden underneath all of the to-dos and the immediate needs and plans and STUFF. When we take several hours to sit and be with ourselves, we become bigger and better people.

Sometimes it is easier to do what we know and to spend all of our time in the comfort and presence of the person or people we love the most. Remind yourself diligently that this time is wonderful and valuable, but that you shouldn’t lose track of who you are when you are just YOU.

#youyouyouyouyouyou

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"I’ve had sex before but I’m starting to date someone new and just don’t feel like it yet. Any advice on how I can explain that, since it’s not the first time?"

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

I mean, unless you’re literally in the middle of DOING THE DEED, i think it’s pretty easy to ask your booboo to take it slowly.

Maybe it feels weird, but the fact of the matter is, you don’t wanna jump right into boner-town because you really like this relationship you are potentially building and THAT IS A WONDERFUL THING. If i was trying to get frisky with someone and they were like ‘hey, can we slow down a little bit? I like you a lot and i just wanna see where we go before we swap boners’ I would SWOON.

I think it’s the greatest thing. I ALSO KNOW THAT it’s weird to stop in the middle of making out hardcore BUT i want to encourage you to do so by yelling something fun like ‘NO EGGS IN THIS BASKET’ or ‘LEAVE ROOM FOR JESUS’ or ‘WE’RE NOT IN KANSAS ANYMORE’ … all of these things should stop your boo right in their tracks and make them go ‘wha?’ which is the perfect way to start a conversation.

Kristin Says:

Omg. I cannot wait to shout “No eggs in this basket” at my next potential suitor.

Moving on… I agree with Dannielle. None of us should be afraid to speak our minds and our hearts and our desires with another human being. What’s more, if this is a human that you are swooning over, chances are they are swooning right back and are going to be thrilled that you have thoughts and opinions to share on the matter.

When I entered into my last relationship, I was basically yanking off all of my clothes as quickly as possible. The person I was dating, however, was like, “Hey, I totally want to do all of those things, but I think we should wait a bit. However, can we PLEASE continue to make-out?!”

YOU GUYS.

THE MAKING OUT WAS THE BEST MAKING OUT IN ALL THE WORLD, EVER EVER.

Say exactly what you are thinking! Just highlight the fact that you are totally into mashing mouths and having fun, but you’d like to take it slow – and that from your experience, taking it slow makes the journey even more enjoyable. If your boo gives you an attitude, they can hit the curb. There are plenty of us out here who will party with you in make-out-ville until you are good and ready for more.

Also featured in “The Hook-Up” on MTVAct and MTV’s It’s Your Sex Life

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