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"I live with my girlfriend and we spend a lot of our free time together with friends or family, etc. We have been together for aaages and I want to propose to her... how on earth do I organize this without letting the cat out of the bag?!!"

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

DON’T. TELL. ANYONE. I know, I know. You wanna like, get suggestions from friends and have family involved and yadda yadda cute stuff. I PROMISE I GET IT BUT IF THEY ARE A BUNCHA BLABBER MOUTHS THEY WILL RUIN EVERYTHING.

IDK i’m a hopeless romantic and all I want is to surprise the shit out of someone?!?! Is that weird? Maybe I’m wrong. Also, maybe they can be trusted bc proposals are sacred or w/e. I just kind of assume you don’t trust them to keep quiet because you asked us what to do.

I suggest keeping it a complete secret. Get the ring off of etsy or some shit so no one sees you go into a ring store. If people ask, you can say y’all have sorta talked about it, or you can say you haven’t made decisions or whatever. Surprise her, surprise everyone. IT’ll be so dope.

Kristin Says:

THIS IS SO EXCITING.

Here’s what you do. You join a THING. I don’t care what it is,  but let’s say there is a book club or a knitting circle or a cosplay group or a WHATEVER I DO NOT CARE, just find a thing that is moderately believable and tell your girlfriend that you are joining it. Say it’s something you’ve always wanted to do, and voila, you have a reason to go to a place without her or her family or your family or anyone else.

Now, part of this plan involves you actually going to the class or group or whatever — you can’t just SAY you are going and then not go, bc then she will catch you and think you are having an affair and comedic but stressful hijinks will ensue until Hugh Grant sweeps in and saves the day while Julia Roberts giggles. Oops except your life isn’t a romcom, so actually it will just be awful bc lying never works.

SO. You go to this class or group, but you etch in some time before and after to make the calls you need to make, look at the sites you need to look at, and plan this magical proposal of hers without the prying eyes of everyone else.

TELL NO ONE.

GET THE RING, MAKE THE PLAN, AND THEN TELL YOUR GIRLFRIEND THERE IS A FINAL CLASS NIGHT WHERE YOU BRING YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER BUT INSTEAD YOU TAKE HER TO A WATERFALL OR WHATEVER YOUR PLAN IS AND YOU SURPRISE THE BOOBS RIGHT OFF OF HER WITH YOUR PROPOSAL.

Send us pix.

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"I have been with my boyfriend 3 years.. Any cute ideas on how I should propose?"

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

1. Line the hallway with teddy bears.

2. Ask on the JumboTron at a KNICKS game.

3. Plan a cute vacation and don’t propose while you’re there, but when you get home be like ‘oh yea btw, will you be my man-wife’

4. Use the term ‘man-wife’

5. Tie the ring to the collar of someone else’s dog and then pretend you’re being attacked by said dog, your boyf will come to the rescue and damn WILL HE BE SURPRISED!

6. Get a semi-local-celebrity (think car dealership owner or future city councilman) to propose on your behalf.

7. Bake the ring into a pie.

8. Give him a mood ring and say ‘can we be bff’ and when he looks at you like you’re a goon, be like ‘JAYKAY YALL and give him a sparkly ring for marriage time.

Kristin Says:

1. HAHAHAHAHA BAKE THE RING INTO A PIE. BAKE. THE. FUCKING. RING. INTO. A. FUCKING. PIE.

2. Be like, “Hey want to hear my new rap?” and then have your friend pop out of the bushes and start beat-boxing and then be like, “Hey yo boy, you’re my toy, but now I’d like, to take a hike, down the aisle, for all the mile (s).” Then get down on one knee.

3. Scream really loudly like this: “AHHHHHHHHHHH OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOOOOOODDDDDDDD!!!” and when he’s like, “omg are you ok what’s going on,” be like, “Everything is fine, I just thought that would be a fun way to start a proposal story,” and when he’s like, “What?” … get down on one knee and do your thang.

4. Take him cliff diving and just as he takes his jump shout down, “WILL YOU MARRRY ME THOOOOO?”

5. Ask him while he’s pooping.

6. Take him to dinner and then for a walk around the park, and when no one is around and all you can hear is the crickets, take his hands into yours and ask him if he will spend forever with you. When you get home, show him this post and tell him he should be really happy you didn’t chose option #5

7. Cut and paste all of your and his favorite celebrities heads on a piece of paper with the heading, “People who want you to say yes.” Hand him the card and when he looks confused, ask him to marry your fool ass.

8. When you get into bed and you are spooning him real good, wrap your arms around him so that you are holding the ring in front of his face in bed. From behind him, whisper into his ear, “Will you please marry me?”

The end.

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