Many of you just started dating someone new and NOW IT’S THE HOLIDAYS AND OMG WHAT SHOULD YOU GET THEM?! To help you out, we created this partially helpful, mostly-not-that-helpful video to guide you as you tear through Target.
“Do you have any super gay tips for surviving the holidays when you’re not out to your family? Love you guys!”
-Question submitted by Anonymous
Your friends, your friends, snapchat, your friends, tumblr, your cat, your cat, your friends, and the 24-hour marathon of A Christmas Story.
Seriously.
So very many humans, around this time of year, wind up in a house with a gabillion relatives who don’t know their identity and who insist upon asking questions that can’t be answered (while remaining ‘not out’), or who talk loudly over spiked eggnog about politics in a way that makes steam come off of much more than the holiday-cookie tray. It can be super difficult, especially when you aren’t able to speak your truth in response, and that is why self-care is so, so important at this time of year.
The reason that my list includes ‘your friends’ a hundred times is because I think that the best way to remain centered is to remind yourself that there is an entire world that exists outside of your house. I am hoping, Anonymous, that you have a few friends who do know who you are, and who support and love you. Be in touch with them. Text them when your grandma asks you for the hundredth time about ‘bringing a boy home’ or when your aunt asks you why you support marriage equality. Maybe your relatives are super chill and it isn’t even about them asking questions that make you feel uneasy, but you just aren’t ready to come out – you should still talk to those friends. Tell them how you are feeling, send stupid jokes back and forth, snap them pictures of your snoring uncle, and let them tether you to a place where you know you can be you.
If your friends are all going to a remote island for the holidays and won’t have service, or if you aren’t out to them yet, then… use us. By us I mean the internet. We are all here, all the time, sharing stories of our own holidays at home, giving advice, making memes, and just existing so that you know that you aren’t alone. That’s really the key: hang out with your family as much as you can, but give yourself time with things that make you feel good, happy, and whole.
Now, to the rest of my list: If family members do ask you questions you can’t answer, just shrug and say, “Do you know when the marathon of A Christmas Story starts? My goal this year is to watch it for the entire 24 hours.” If someone says something about politics that makes you feel super angry, grab the family cat, squeeze him tight, take him to your room or a quiet place, and tell him every single thing that made you furious in that moment. Cats are really good at keeping secrets.
Take it one moment at a time, remember to stay connected to support (and laughter), snuggle up in a blanket as often as possible, and know that there are a million billion of us snuggled up in our own blankets who understand exactly how you are feeling. Oh, and know that it’s totally 100% awesome and cool for you to not be out for as long as you want to be.
xx
Watch: The Worst Valentine’s Advice We Could Find On The Internet! The internet is full of horrible advice, and Valentine’s Day is the perfect excuse for even more of it… so, here is Dannielle interpreting some (un)helpful Valentine’s Day advice (found and delivered to her by Kristin).
"Hi there! Basically, I'm the only person in my family who's not in a relationship, and with Valentine's Day coming up... there's a lot of questions from them about any boys I might be interested in. I'm a lesbian so it's pretty frustrating! Is coming out on/very close to Valentine's day a bad idea? I feel like I'll go mad if they keep asking me questions...but I've read a lot of advice that says not to come out near times like that. Any thoughts?"
-Question submitted by Anonymous
ANY ADVICE THAT HAS URGED YOU TO NOT COME OUT IS BAD ADVICE. STOP TRUSTING THOSE ADVICE-GIVERS AND WEBSITES. If the coming out is what you want to do, if your heart feels contented at the thought, if your shoulder weight is significantly reduced at the mere suggestion, if you feel safe and if you WANT. TO. COME. OUT. Do it.
Who gives a flying fuck about Valentine’s Day?!?! If anything, this works to your advantage. You can photoshop yourself into a Valentine’s Day card featuring you and Lady Celeb of choice! You can spell “I am a queer” in assorted chocolate bites. You can make a macrame heart and use little pins to write “I HEART LADIES.” The world is legitimately your oyster.
Come out because you want to come out, not because someone told you it’s the right time.
AND HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY, YES I WILL BE YOUR VALENTINE THANKS FOR ASKING.
YEA DANNIELLE WILL BE YOUR VALENTINE THANK YOU FOR ASKING.
Not coming out near Valentine’s Day is the silliest advice I have ever heard. WHY?! That. It. No sense. It doesn’t make sense. So, since you are coming out on Valentine’s Day to make your family stop yammering about your lack of a boyfriend (and possibly, now, start to yammer about your lack of a girlfriend), here are a few more ideas on how to do it:
1. At family dinner, scream, “ROSES ARE RED VIOLETS ARE BLUE I LIKE GIRLS AND YOU SHOULD TOO!”
2. Buy one of those big teddy bears that say “I Love You,” and tape a sign that says “GIRLS” over the “You.” Leave this on the couch in your family’s house.
3. Put on a recording of “Cupid” by Sam Cooke and at the chorus, sing along, “Cuuuupid drawwww backk youuuur booooow-owwww, and let I’M A LESBIAN shoowwwwww…”
4. Give your family a Valentine’s Day card that says: “To: My Family // Love: Your Gay Daughter.”
5. OMG I don’t know if there is time, but you could get them custom candy hearts that just say, “Lesbian.” Don’t explain anything past that. Just raise your eyebrows.
You’re welcome?
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"Dear K&D, what do I do for my girlfriend on v day??? I'm very bad at thinking of cute stuff. Like would it be lame to get her the bathrobe she wants from Wal mart?? We are in college and both not out so going out isn't really an option. Halp!"
- Question submitted by sparkledonut
Listen. One year I super wanted a tae-bo DVD and my bff knew that and my boyfriend had no idea what to get me, so he got me that DVD I wanted and a silly teddy bear and made me dinner. We ate chicken and listened to Luther Vandross in his dorm room and it was literally perfect. I still have the teddy bear. I think I got him a Lord of the Rings poster, and I’m pretty sure when I walked into the hallway I asked why it smelled like feet and that feet smell was the chicken he made…BUT LIKE.. it was still the most memorable Valentine’s Day I’ve ever had.
I just went through and I actually do not remember another Valentine’s Day from my life… oops.
My point is, yea, get her the robe from Wal-Mart because who cares? and YOLO. Get her the thing she wants, make up a cute night at home, or drive her to a cool place for a picnic, or take her to denny’s at 4am when no one is hanging out and make the most of it. If you want VDay to be special, it will be because you’re together, not because of the presents you give.
I’VE GOT THIS ONE:
You can get her this necklace or a personalized video from us?!?!?!
Bathrobes also totally rule. On my first Christmas with Jenny she bought me a bathrobe and I had never mentioned wanting one nor thought about getting one for myself, ever, and I was confused when I opened it bc… a bathrobe? AND THEN I PUT IT ON AND NEVER TOOK IT OFF I LOVE IT SO MUCH AND IT IS PROBABLY WHY I MARRIED HER.
Also, though, the necklace and video ideas are pretty legit.
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Hi! Our advice is always free for all to read & watch. Help us keep this gay ship chuggin’ by donating as little as $1/month over here on Patreon. xo
