"Lesbian or hipster…HOW DO YOU KNOW?!?!"
- Question submitted by Anonymous
Ugh. Why don’t we have a secret handshake yet?! AMIRIGHT!?
I feel like this whole ‘hipster’ movement is v unfair because how is anyone supposed to know anything? I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR AMBER’S GAY SUBPLOT FOR YEARS #PARENTHOOD but she like really loves that army boy and just so happens to dress like the hippest lesbian in the land, uuughghhghghgggh.
Also remember how I just said hipster movement?
I think they way you know is by flirting with them and if they’re biting their lip and looking at their feet and slowly giggling they prolly want it!
If they are laughing really loudly and saying “omg we are basically bff” and mentioning their boyfriend or their giant crush on Channing Tatum, they prolly don’t want it!
… I just realized the second one describes me perfectly.
ugh. Fuck if i know
This is neither here nor there but I somehow got 13 mosquito bites on my leg yesterday and so I don’t care about hipsters or lesbians I just care about JESUS CHRIST THEY ITCH SO BAD SOMEONE DO SOMETHING.
However, since I don’t think I can take a sick day for mosquito bites, let me solve your problem. I will also solve it without saying “they prolly want it,” bc GROSS, Dannielle.
Step One: Spot target hipster / lesbian
Step Two: Spit your gum at the hipster
Step Three: When she’s like WTF, say, “OH MY GOD I AM SO SORRY I JUST FELT LIKE I WAS OVER TAKEN BY THE SPIRIT OF JENNY SCHECTER, THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING.”
Step Four: If she knows that you are referencing the episode where Jenny spit her gum in Shane’s face, you have affirmation. If she knows what you are referencing and is still really mad at you, you still have affirmation. If she looks confused, say, “Sorry. Are you gay, tho?”
HAVE A NICE DAY.