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"I am having recurring romantic dreams about a not-too-close-but-good friend. I definitely don't like her like that, but I have them so often that it's becoming hilarious. I want to say something because I feel creepy and it's so funny that I keep dreaming this stuff but will that be awkward?"

-Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

LOL. I feel like the outcome of this will 100% depend upon how you approach not-too-close-but-good friend (N2CBGF). Let’s be real, if you sit her down and say “Hey N2CBGF, I’ve been having some uncomfortable dreams about us engaging in romantic activity, I’d love to have a conversation about these dreams because I think they are funny, but obviously that is still up in the air, as it may make you feel strange because what if it is based in my unconscious obsession with you…” THEN SHE WILL MAYBE FEEL WEIRD.

Howev, if you say “N2CGBF I KEEP HAVING SEXI DREAMS ABOUT YOU AND IT MAKES ME LOL EVERY TIME I DONT WANT OT HAVE SEXI WITH YOU, BUT IT’S SO FUNNY CAN WE PLEASE LOL TOGETHER THANK YOU”.. she will probs ask you to stop screaming, but also she will be much more likely to LOL with you (per your request).

Just express your actual feels and you’ll be fine.

Kristin Says:

Agree agreeeeeee agreeeeeeeee also pls start actually referring to her as N2CBGF bc I think that will help many facets of your relationship.

Also EVERYONE HOLD THE PHONE I JUST SOLVED YOUR PROBLEMS.

I looked up what sex dreams mean when you are not sexually attracted to the human being sexed-upon. Sorry for saying sexed-upon. The (all-knowing, all-seeing) internet told me that when you have these kinds of sex dreams, if the sex is PLEASURABLE, it means that you would like to have some of the characteristics of the human you are boning. So like, if your friend is super good at keeping commitments and is a good cook, maybe those are things you want to work on/have in your own life and so you SEXI HER IN YOUR DREAM BC YOU WANT THOSE THINGS.

So all you have to do is say, “OMG, for like two weeks I kept dreaming about having sex with you even though NO OFFENSE I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU, and I was like TF does this mean, and then I looked it up and it turns out that it means that I love the way you do your hair and also that you study really hard for your classes and those are things I want in my life, AND THAT IS WHY I DREAM ABOUT DOIN YOU, but I also wanted to tell you bc like, maybe that is also important in making them stop AGAIN NO OFFENSE BUT JUST I like being your friend.” Then take out a water bottle and pour it over your head like they do at the end of sports-games.

I think it will go great.

PS: If the dream-sex is not pleasurable it means you don’t want her worst qualities, in which case this plan doesn’t work. Bye.

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"I had a dream in which I was in love with my roommate, and now I can’t be around her without being awkward. What should I do?"

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

Listen. This has happened to me multiple times. One time I didn’t talk to my friend for two days bc I was so mad about something she’d done in my dream… More recently, I had a dream my best friend in the world stole my favorite pants and bejeweled the back pockets. I WAS PISSED. I’m not wearing bejeweled pants, you know?? I ignored her for two hours and then finally scream texted her about my pants and we made jokes and it was fine.

I think you should tell her about your dream and if you scream text her that’s totally okay. It was just a dream, you know? That’s not actually how you feel and as long as you’re okay communicating that to her, you should say something. BECAUSE LIKE, if you scream ‘I HAD A DREAM I WAS IN LOVE WITH YOU AND NOW I FEEL WEIRD’ you’re opening up the door for jokes. Once you can joke about it, you’ll feel a lot better.

On the other side of this whole thing, if you don’t yell and joke about this you’re going to feel weird forever… so you have no choice. GOOD LUCK NERD.

Kristin Says:

Yeaaaaaaah, you gotta just tell her. IT’S JUST A DREAM YOU GUYS.  Last night I dreamt that Dannielle and I invented styrofoam… you know?!

My suggestion for a great comedic delivery would be to dramatically hit pause the next time you are watching your favorite roomie show together, keep your eyes focused on the TV and scream, “I DREAMT ABOUT BEING IN LOVE WITH YOU AND I AM REALLY SORRY AHHHHHHHHHHH,” and during the extended “AHHHHHHHH” get up and run around the couch in circles with your arms flailing.

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"I keep having dreams where I’m dating a beautiful girl and then half way through she turns into an animal. Obviously I stop making out with her once she’s a cat, or a dog, or in one instance a shark, but she always tries wicked hard to keep macking on me and I’m always like, ‘Oh no, erm, see, I got you this kitty/dog/shark bed to sleep in instead?’ and I’m left riddled with guilt. ANALYZE THAT!"

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

It means you’re afraid to get too close. Once you do, you’ll afraid it’ll turn into something you don’t understand. You meet someone you really like, you have a nice time for a while, but when things start to morph into something more, you’d rather just put it to bed AKA stop it where it is bc you’re AFRAID OF TRUE LOVE.

OPEN YOUR HEART.

Kristin Says:

It means that your cat/dog/shark is meowing while you are sleeping and ruining what could have been a great sex dream.

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