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"Any advice for dorm room shopping?"

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

I’M SO HAPPY YOU ASKED.

Two things I love (1) shopping (2) saving space.

First of all, Target is a college gold mine. I know it’s semi-annoying to have all the same underbed boxes as everyone else, but who gives an eff AND YOU CAN DECORATE THEM WITH STICKERS. Underbed boxes are cool because you can store your out-of-season clothes in them. AM I THE WORST? WHO AM I.

Target, Ikea, The Container Store, STORAGE IS SO IMPORTANT. Unless you don’t have a lot of shit, in which case, IGNORE ME. I think college dorm is the perfect time to decorate in all of the ways you’ve always wanted to, you can finally put the picture of your friend mooning the camera, you can finally put up a Zoey 101 poster, you can finally have a chalkboard for your friends to draw marijuana leaves on… maybe don’t tho bc who knows what your RA will be mad about. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

Fluorescent lighting sucks and will make your selfies look terrible, so get some stringy lights. Keep at least one bowl and one spoon in your dorm bc WE ALL KNOW you’re going to want cereal after the caf is closed and you’ll buy a box and a milks and you’ll get to your room and cry while eating dry cereal bc you didn’t listen to me telling you to buy one bowl and one spoon. Get a smell good candle bc you’re in a small space with cement walls and no ceiling fan (read: similar to jailz).

Keep your shit clean. Anything is cute if its yOU… it’s only not cute if there are bugs or chunky milks or sticky shitz on the floor, etc.

Kristin Says:

EEEE THIS IS SO FUN OKAY HERE GOES:

You may not be able to use candles because everyone is convinced college humans start fires as a hobby (which might hold some truth), so in place of Dannielle’s candle suggestion, might I suggest POTPOURRI?

…you guys.
I am kidding.
Imagine potpourri in a dorm room?
I hope you don’t even know what potpourri is.

Okay so, seriously, though – I know FEBREEZE is like, an invention from the 1840s at this point, but that shit works, and you will thank me when your comforter smells like a comforter and not a butt.

SHOWER MOTHERFUCKING SHOES. Let’s be real here, everyone. No one wants their delicate lovely feet touching the same surface as every other human on your dorm floor. Gross gross gross gross nope thanks bye.

GIANT LAUNDRY BAGS. Laundry in college tends to get done when you have to wrap yourself in an old bedsheet because everything else is dirty, so come prepared.

HOT POT. Do people still use these? This was my all time most prized possession in college. Dining Hall closed? Who TF cares I have my box of mac and cheese and my bathroom sink and my hot pot and my spoon/fork (thanks, Dannielle), and I can eat at 3am IF I WANT TO.

TINY TRAMPOLINE. Everything else was practical, but if I had to tell you the best part of my freshman dormroom from an impractical standpoint, it was my miniature trampoline. It took up about 1/3 of our limited floorspace but it’s COLLEGE WHO CARES, and you could bounce on it or sit on it while writing papers at 3am (3am is a v busy time in college), or invite people over to see it when you really just wanted to make out with them, OR MAKE OUT ON IT… the possibilities are endless.

This has been a great chat.
I want to go back to college.

<3

***

Everyone Is Gay has started a new project to help parents who have LGBTQ kids: Check out The Parents Project!

08.8.2014
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"I had a dream in which I was in love with my roommate, and now I can’t be around her without being awkward. What should I do?"

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

Listen. This has happened to me multiple times. One time I didn’t talk to my friend for two days bc I was so mad about something she’d done in my dream… More recently, I had a dream my best friend in the world stole my favorite pants and bejeweled the back pockets. I WAS PISSED. I’m not wearing bejeweled pants, you know?? I ignored her for two hours and then finally scream texted her about my pants and we made jokes and it was fine.

I think you should tell her about your dream and if you scream text her that’s totally okay. It was just a dream, you know? That’s not actually how you feel and as long as you’re okay communicating that to her, you should say something. BECAUSE LIKE, if you scream ‘I HAD A DREAM I WAS IN LOVE WITH YOU AND NOW I FEEL WEIRD’ you’re opening up the door for jokes. Once you can joke about it, you’ll feel a lot better.

On the other side of this whole thing, if you don’t yell and joke about this you’re going to feel weird forever… so you have no choice. GOOD LUCK NERD.

Kristin Says:

Yeaaaaaaah, you gotta just tell her. IT’S JUST A DREAM YOU GUYS.  Last night I dreamt that Dannielle and I invented styrofoam… you know?!

My suggestion for a great comedic delivery would be to dramatically hit pause the next time you are watching your favorite roomie show together, keep your eyes focused on the TV and scream, “I DREAMT ABOUT BEING IN LOVE WITH YOU AND I AM REALLY SORRY AHHHHHHHHHHH,” and during the extended “AHHHHHHHH” get up and run around the couch in circles with your arms flailing.

12.26.2012
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"my roommate is a SLOB. she leaves raisins on the floor and won’t pick them up, her dishes are piling up in the sink, she got so drunk that she threw up in the tub and DIDN’T EVEN CLEAN IT UP THE NEXT DAY, my other roommate finally did it. it’s INSANE. she then complains about how messy the apartment is. but all she does is watch tv all day. help?"

- Question submitted by whatdykeslike

Dannielle Says:

EW. EW. EW. GET RID OF HER.

You guys, this is gross and not okay and you have to talk to her or I’ll be so mad at you and I’ll never come over.

You can do a few things (1) have a family meeting where you and other roommate say ‘hey you can’t keep doing THESE SPECIFIC THINGS (2) Start a chore chart where everyone is responsible for their own areas, and certain people clean certain things SLASH dishes can’t be in the sink for more than a day (3) ask her to move out.

You have to like where you live and everyone has to deal with messy roommates, but that shit is just unacceptable. If you don’t talk to her a ball of hate will form in your heart and you won’t be able to get rid of it and you’ll hate her forever. Talk to her, talk to her, talk to her.

Kristin Says:

RAISINS ON THE FLOOR AND PUKE IN THE TUB IS EXACTLY WHAT HELL MUST BE LIKE.

THIS IS HORRIBLE.

Write her this letter:

Dear Roommate,

THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE AND YOU MUST CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF. If you find you are unable to contain your raisins or your vomit, then you should live by yourself or with someone who loves eating floor-raisins and bathing in puke. WHICH IS NO ONE.

Love,
Other Roommates and Kristin Russo of everyoneisgay.com

I know that sounds harsh but like… talk to her about it, do what Dannielle said and make a chore chart, but if those things don’t succeed… she has to go. That is just. THAT IS. UGH.

10.16.2012
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“Whats the proper etiquette when bringing a lady home to bone but your roomate is there. I mean she knows im gay so thats not a problem but like i feel weird just dissapearing to my room with my girlfriend, cause i mean of course she knows whats happening. i guess its just weird for me because this is my first roomate. and we arent super close we are just friends of friends that both needed a roomate.”

-Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

I meannnn, if you have separate rooms BY ALL MEANS GET YOUR BONE ON! If you don’t have separate rooms, things can get mad awks. If you’re sharing a room with someone you should introduce the ‘scrunchie on the door handle’ method…. Where you put a scrunchie on the door handle if you’re gettinDOWNTOBUSINESS. I know that scrunchies aren’t cool anymore, so maybe people are putting vests on doorknobs? or like… thick rimmed glasses? I don’t know what you kids are putting on doorknobs these days, but there’s gotta be SOMETHING.

You made it seem like the two of you don’t share a room, so, I don’t really understand the problem, unless you’re just embarrassed that you like to have sexi? CUZ I MEAN EVERYONE DOES IT (at some point). You just walk in to your apartment, wave to your roommate, maybe introduce your boo and head on back to your room. Who cares if she knows you’re getting laid??

Just don’t scream really loudly and make her feel weird, you’ll be fiiiiiiiiiine.

Kristin Says:

Oh helllll yeah, don’t worry about it.  Just like that book, “Everyone Poops,” everyone has sex in their bedrooms when their roommate is home.  Well, most people.  So, if your roommate is uncomfortable, that is her problem.  There are some things that you can do to make it less awkward.  Here is a short list:

a) Play some music or put on a TV show so that your roommate can pretend that you are watching the Cosby show and not participating in Bonefest 2010.

b) If you decide to play music, don’t play Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get it On.”

c) If your boo screams (because you are SO GOOD at sexytime), scream back and then shout, “OH MY GOD I LOVE WHEN WE HAVE SCREAMING COMPETITIONS!”

d) Put a pillow over your vibrator if you don’t have music/TV playing.  OR, make sure that a buzzing noise is always coming from your room so she won’t know the difference.

e) Don’t have sex in the kitchen, on the living room floor, or in her bed when she isn’t home.

I should really write a “how-to” book.

PS: Roommate has two “m”s and disappearing has one “s” and two “p”s. #humanspellcheck

09.7.2010
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