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"Is it weird to Want to be androgynous? I like walking the thin line between genders. I like when people can’t quite tell because then they’re getting me, not male-me or female-me. I know a lot of people switch completely, but does anyone ever want to just bind the top without surgery or anything on bottom? Is it weird that I want to be so in the middle that no one can tell where I started? Or that I want to answer male or female with YES?"

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

Not at all.

There are soooo many people sitting at their computers right now wishing they could feel the way you feel. Or at least, understand their feelings and that it’s okay to feel that way. Lots of us sit in our own skin for years and years and can’t figure out exactly what makes us comfortable, but YOU, YOU LUCKY BASTARD, you have figured out what makes you comfortable and you’re owning it.

There might be some people who tell you that you’re doing something “wrong” because they think you should “chose”…those people are not being fair and they are not right. I want you to know that in your heart of hearts, bc people telling you that you’re wrong over and over can really bring you down and you don’t deserve to be down-broughton…

I’m making up words here, but the point is, you are who you are and who you are is awesome and keep on being you. #boom You absolutely are not alone and you absolutely are not weird.

Kristin Says:

Wouldn’t it be hilarious if I started this post, “Girrrrrrrrrrrl, you are so not wrong.” Hilarious and probably insulting, but like… the thought of it made me laugh. WHATEVER. EVERYONE GET OVER IT.

„|„

Aaaaanyway. Fuck to the no, that is absolutely not weird, Andogynonymous. The thing with gender is that, regardless of how you look at it, it’s troubled as fuck (see: Judith Butler’s “Fucking Gender Trouble” #gradstudentjoke). The things that inspire us to identify as “girl” or “boy” or in between are primarily socialized – and the fact that you’re like, “I don’t want to fit it here or there, I want to me ME, and this is who I am,” is wonderful.

It is near-to-impossible to escape gender completely, but it is completely possible to challenge gender in your everyday life – or to just be who the hell you are and see where that lands you. Some people consciously reject gender and make decisions specifically because they view the system as totally troubled and they are like, “Take THAT troubled system, I don’t have to answer to you.” Others, like yourself, are most comfortable identifying in a space between or outside of gender – it is what they feel on their insides and what makes the most sense to them. Some, like myself, see the trouble with gender and meditate on it, but love to wear heels and get their nails painted and are like, “Well, whether socialized or not, I damn well like the way this feels and looks, and that doesn’t mean I can’t think about what it means while expressing myself the way I like most.”

Bind your top, answer to he and she, and smile when people look at you twice because they just “can’t tell.” The bottom line, as Dannielle already said is that you know who you are and you know what makes you feel comfortable in your skin, and that is fucking awesome.

Rock out with your cock out.

JUST KIDDING AGAIN YOU GUYS. #badgenderjokes

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“I'm dating this new girl, and every time we hook up, she's always telling me how pretty I am. It kind of makes me feel weird for a few reasons, but mainly because I don't know how reciprocate since she's more on the andro/butch side of the spectrum and compliments like, "you're so pretty" don't really apply.”

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

I mean… ‘you’re so pretty’ … YOU’RE SO PRETTY?!?! YOU’RE.SO.PRETTY?!?!?!!!! This is what she says to you?!?! Not like, ‘i love your eyes’ or ‘i think you’re special’ or ‘dinner was awesome’ she says ‘YOU’RE SO PRETTY’

…I made a big deal out of that for no reason. It’s actually kind of cute.

Here’s what you can do:

1. Handsome is an awesome word. I fucking love it when bitches (my friends) call me handsome.
2. Specifics, instead of ‘you’re hot’ or ‘you’re pretty,’ try ‘i wanna put my boner in your eye color’ or ‘i love your body’ or ‘i’m pretty sure my face belongs in that place between your neck and your shoulder’
3. a good ole fashion ‘YOU ARE’ after a compliment always does the body good
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST.
4. you just whisper ‘shut up’ and throw her against something.

YOU’RE WELCOME.

Kristin Says:

Listen.  I know this is scary, but I find that the most wonderful things happen when you say exactly what you are thinking.  If she says ‘you look pretty,’ and the first thing you think to say back is, ‘you taste like root beer barrel candy,’ that might seemweird…but, trust me, someone said that to me once and I instantly melted into a pile of sexy rainbows.

Don’t be afraid to say what you are feeling in the moment.  Even if all you wind up squeaking is, “I never know how to tell you that you are gorgeous because I want to say it in a way that makes you understand…and…” {insert embarrassed look}, that is pretty much the most adorable thing on the planet, and if you said that to me I would kiss your entire face.  You know?

If all else fails, follow Dannielle’s Rule #4.  Telling people to shut up and then throwing them up against things blows “you’re handsome” out of the motherfucking water.

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"I've been taking an androgynous approach with looks lately.I'm seriously LOVING it. I haven't exactly came out to my family yet, but I think they're starting to get the memo. Lately, dad has been getting me to do lots of the handy work.

Up until now, I was 'his little girl' and he usually never asked me for favors, now I'm stuck at home with a hammer in my hand. I think it's been because of the way I've been dressing.

I was wonder what your opinions were, and if you think it's fair to be treated like this just because I dress more masculine. Is there anything I can do to clarify things with my dad?"

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

I mean, it’s technically not fair to be treated anyway SOLELY because of the way you’re dressed. ON THE OTHER HAND, I remember when I turned like 15 my mom started making me carry a lot more stuff, and I helped her fix things and what not, and I wasn’t a total gaywad til I was like 19. So, it could be just a coming of age ‘oh, she’s old enough to work a drill now.’

I wouldn’t jump to conclusions, but really the only way for it to stop is for you to talk to him. So, if you don’t want to talk to him, there’s probably an issue. You don’t have to be like ‘i’m a ‘mo and i don’t wanna do your handy work’ but you could be like ‘yo pops, i don’t actually enjoy making bookshelves’

OR WEAR DRESSES LIKE GIRLS ARE SUPPOSED TO.

Kristin Says:

I know that I should probably be all, “You need to tell your dad that dressing in pants doesn’t mean you like the smell of car grease,” but to be honest I am more like, “Eeeeee Dads are so cute sometimes, though!”

What I mean to say is that, if you have been your dad’s main girl up until now, he is probably just trying to remain close to you…and he is a dad and so he’s like, “Oh man, maybe she wants to help me do some of my dad-things.” It isn’t right, in the sense that he is stereotyping your interests based on your looks, but it seems that he is doing that without realizing, and that his intentions are solely to remain close to you. That basically makes me melt into a pile of dads-are-cute mush, and I forgive him his inaccurate and slightly offensive associations.

All that said, you don’t have to agree with me or feel all lovey-dovey dad-time. What I would suggest, though, is that you approach him from a place where you let him know that you appreciate him making the attempt to be close to you, but that you don’t really love pounding nails (ay-oh). Offer up another idea of something that you can both do together, though, because that will likely make his whole day.

Then, try to forgive Dannielle.

 

 

 

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