"So i do this thing where whenever something cute or wonderful or milestone-ish (first i-love-you, etc) happens with my girlfriend there is a kind of big part of me that FREAKS THE EF OUT like "CAUTION: YOU ARE ONLY LEADING TO MORE PAIN FOR YOURSELF WHEN THIS INEVITABLY ENDS!" how can i shut down that voice in the back of my mind and enjoy the present?"
- Question submitted by Anonymous
Oh, cool, so you are human? Good talk.
You guys… why is it that NOTHING is more terrifying than a relationship that is going really well?? Like, what is wrong with us?!
LITERALLY, you are living my life. If I’m dating someone who is like “omg I like you so much” I literally text six of my friends and say “I don’t think she likes me.” I become completely closed off and build walls as if it were my only source of income (get it? build walls like it’s my job)…
If I were you (which I am), I would try really hard to recognize these moments and repeat “this is a good thing” in your head over and over and over. It’s really really hard to be completely vulnerable. You’re totally right, the closer you are to a human, the more they can hurt you. That fucking sucks, but you guys, if it’s SUPPOSED to work out, it totally will. If it isn’t supposed to work out, you will have fallen in love and given a piece of yourself to someone. That feeling is incredible and can be matched by nothing.
Rihanna said “I’ve loved and I’ve lost”
Tennyson said “Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all”
Katy Perry said “No regrets, just love”
Drake said “YOLO”
God, I hope someone puts together a book that is only quotes from Rihanna, Katy Perry, Drake, and Tennyson.
When I was younger I was obsessed with trying to take pictures of perfect moments, beautiful scenes, powerful experiences… I felt like I would never be able to experience things or communicate things as vividly as I was experiencing them in that particular moment, and just wanted to capture it so that I could have it forever. It was, at that point in my life, endlessly frustrating and terrifying that life could have such beauty but then with the blink of an eye, it could be gone.
I feel you – and I think that on some level we all (like Dannielle said) have this fear. It’s that thing that squeezes your middle right when you let your guard down enough to feel the most incredible part of living, loving (breathing, fighting, crying, etc).
I think it is key to remind yourself of two things:
1. There is nothing better than surrendering to a feeling. It’s what makes us, us. It’s what makes our connections deeper than we can explain with words. It’s what makes our lives so full that we could burst into tears just trying to understand it all.
2. To feel that is to risk heartache… but we are very, very versatile creatures. We feel pain, and we think we might never be able to heal… but we do. An argument could be made about surrendering completely to that feeling as well, and understanding even more about yourself and your world…
It’s okay to have those fears.
Just acknowledge them, and then do your best to take a risk.
It’s always, in some inexplicable way, worth it.
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