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"Why can I only remember the good parts that make me sad we broke up?"

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

Because you’re in the beginning stages. Soon enough you’ll be so mad you can’t breathe. Then you’ll wanna bone everything that walks. Then you won’t be mad, but you’ll just need to take a break from even thinking about them, delete them from facebook, stop talking to them, etc. Then you’ll start checking their tumblr once in a while to see what they’re up to and they’ll email you to say ‘great job’ on whatever thing you’re doing and you’ll be able to go to friend events without feeling out of sorts. Then you’ll be friends.

All of this happens differently for each human. Some people get stuck in the mad stage forEVER. Some people skip immediately to taking a break or boning strangers. Some people try to be friends right away. No matter what order your shit goes in, you’ll have to experience all these feelz before you can get to an emotionally stable place. Trust me. Don’t try to skip the sad, don’t try to skip the mad, don’t try to force the friendship and let yourself feel.

Having good memories is a beautiful thing. Hold onto those, the worst thing I ever did at the end of a relaysh is forget the good and focus on the bad. I literally don’t have a single good memory from a relationship I was in for an entire year. That’s pretty messed up. Don’t let that happen to you. Don’t replace the good with bad just to make yourself feel a little less. Remember that love comes into our lives for different reasons and regardless of how it ends or why it ends, make sure you always have the ability to appreciate that love.

Kristin Says:

{Kristin stands at her desk and claps solemnly}

D, THAT WAS SOME GOOD ASS ADVICE.

Now to you, Anon: You are only remembering the good parts because your brain-heart just wants to be back in the arms of someone you trust and love. Your brain-heart says “WE MISS BEING ABLE TO LOVE ON SOMEONE, THIS IS SO STUPID,” and then barrages your brain with all the pictures of things that were wonderful. It’s a game of trickery aimed at making you feel like you made the wrong decision… but let me tell you this: people don’t break up with each other “by accident.”

Deciding to break up with someone is a hard and complicated process, and it always involves wrestling with good memories. Each one of my relationships had incredible, beautiful moments… but the relationships weren’t right in much bigger ways. During my last break-up I spent about a month explaining DILIGENTLY to my ex that we were SUPPOSED TO BE TOGETHER AND BE MARRIED AND I KNEW IT IN MY GUTS… and you guys, that could literally not have been farther from the truth.

You know your brain-heart, Anon. Allow it to flood you with those memories and sob it out while listening to Kelly Clarkson’s “Cry,” and remember that you broke up for very valid reasons. The hurt will subside after you let it tear you to bits. It’s just the way these things work.

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