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“Would it be wrong to secretly spend my parents money (that would otherwise be used for coffee and shampoo) to fly home to see my girlfriend for her birthday and not tell them? I would feel terrible, but the thing is, they wouldn’t let me do it if I told them, just because they don’t want me to be with her and don’t want me to be gay because they are the absolutely most homophobic people I know. Also if I don’t see her then, I won’t get to see her for three months which I don’t think I can bear.”

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

Yes, it would be wrong. If you were to stretch the truth by saying you were visiting a friend, or taking a class or something, I could MAYBE support you. HOWEVER, if you straight up thief their hard-earned skrilla to do something they already aren’t into…you’re going to get yourself into a huge mess that will be difficult to get out of….MAS DIFICIL #spanish

You’re in a delicate spot with your parents right now and the LAST THING you should do is jeopardize their trust for you. Realize that they don’t hate you or think you’re wrong or dumb. They’re terrified for you, they love you and they think that the decisions you’ve made will hurt you in the end. Also, they are concerned for your safety, which is why they want to know WHERE YOU ARE and WHO YOU ARE WITH…DO NOT give them another reason to think you have ‘TOTALLY CHANGED EVER SINCE YOU STARTED DATING GIRLZZZZZ’ …you are still you and you have to work on getting your relationship with your parents back to a comfortable spot.

Maybe you and a friend can plan a trip to CITY and you can stay with your boo? You’re still going to CITY with FRIEND, your girlf just also HAPPENS TO LIVE THERE….It’s not the most honest way to handle things, but I understand being totally overwhelmed and convinced the truth will only make things worse. There has to be somewhere in between that won’t make it so you are a total liar, you know?

Kristin Says:

Aw, shit. This is a tough one. Here is the thing…I really want for you to see your girlfriend. I also really, really want you to be able to do that without breaking your parents’ trust.

It sounds like flying home is where your girlfriend is at, so if you flew home and didn’t tell them…you would be in the same town that your parents live in without them knowing and that is TOTALLY TERRIFYING. You would have to like, remain indoors at all times and you would probably poop with panic just going to get a sandwich, which is really not enjoyable.

The eighteen-year-old in me wants to just say, “FUCK IT, GO FOR IT AND ENJOY IT UNTIL THE SHIT HITS THE FAN,” but the thirty-year-old in me has a much louder voice, and one that is informed by lying to my own parents about things in college and high school, and finding out that it always, always ends in a bigger mess than necessary.

If there is any possible way that you can tell your parents that you want to come home, but that one of the nights you are there you will be going out with some friends for a birthday party, or some other near-to-close version of the truth, I would go that route. If that is absolutely not feasible at all, I would say the following:

Go with your gut. If you absolutely must lie to your parents and must see this girl, then you have to be ready for the consequences. If you lie and you get caught, you have to be able to understand their loss of trust in you, and you should also do your best to communicate that you love them, that you are sorry, and that all you want is to be able to tell them all the things about your life…but you are unable to do that because they are unable to allow you the room to be yourself.

 

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