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"I got my heart broken recently and asked my friends to set me up with someone because I really wanted to move on and try to date someone else. Now I realize I’m not ready, but my friends have already gotten in touch with people and set things in motion. How do I let the set-ups know I’m not interested yet without making a bad first impression in case I want to try dating them later when I am ready?"

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

I still think you should go on the dates?? AM I THE WORST?? It’s just like, sometimes you don’t know whether or not you’re ready until you’re in the throws and what not.

I believe you when you say you’re not ready, but I also believe it’s a process and you have to take baby steps and an example of a baby-sized step is going on a date. You’ll meet someone, you’ll get to know them, you’ll eat a food meal, you’ll laugh, the night will end and you’ll say “I really really liked hanging out with you and I want to be honest with you bc I had such a good time. I don’t know if I’m ready to jump into anything. Which, is something that might go away tomorrow or might go away in a couple of months or who knows, but I don’t want to lead you on and I still want to get to know you. YOU DOWN?!”

Maybe not with so many words, or maybe with more words, or maybe with more taylor swift lyrics, or whatever BUUUTT the point will get across and your d8 won’t be offended. At least, I wouldn’t be… KRISTIN HELP.

Kristin Says:

This is spot on. Dannielle you are DOING A GREAT JOB.

A first date isn’t an expectation for future-marriage. If it is, you probably didn’t want to be on that first date anyhow. A first date is a chance to say hi, talk about common interests, and see where those exchanges might lead you. So, in my personal opinion, you do not have to be ready to be in a long-term relationship to go on a first date.

Go, have a good time, talk about your life, find out about theirs.

If, and only if, they ask you about your interest in continuing to date – do like Dannielle said and be honest. We say this a lot, but it is a hard thing to remember: we are all people. That means that we are all capable of understanding being in a headspace where we want to connect with others and aren’t yet ready to commit to something bigger than those initial connections.

Take it one step at a time.
The first step is going on this date without putting any additional pressure on yourself.

<3

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