“I've been dating a girl for about nine months now, and she repeatedly tells me that my vagina is weird looking. After we had already been together for a while, she told me that her reaction upon seeing it for the first time was something along the lines of, "what the hell is THAT?!?". I definitely have what you could call a flower-type situation, though I don't believe for a second that I'm the only girl with this look. I've told my girl that everyone's built differently and she just needs to accept my anatomy, but she continues to suggest I get plastic surgery on it or pierce it since it's "so loud and out there". She insists she loves me and is just joking about it, but it still bugs me. Thoughts?”
- Question submitted by Anonymous
Ok, first of all, your girlfriend is a total dick.
Second of all, EVERYONE’S VAJAYJAY IS TOTES DIFFERENT. Our vaginas are like our faces, you know? Everyone’s is different, and you should never get reconstructive surgery for the person you’re dating (see: hiedi montag).
Try out the following phrases; “bitch back off my vajay” or “haha your FACE IS WEIRD” or “what’s that? i can’t hear you over all that judgement” and then start crying hysterically and yell “I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING I THOUGHT YOU WERE DIFFERENT” and then refuse to talk to her until you finish watching BRIDGET JONES’ DIARY 2: THE EDGE OF REASON….
Well, maybe that’s dramatic, but the point is… we are all different, we have different faces, different elbow skin, different vaginas, we even have different feelings. BUT ALL OF OUR DIFFERENT FEELINGS GET HURT THE SAME WAY. Tell her she’s hurting your feelings and make her buy you a present.
PARTY FOUL. Your vagina is just fine, thank you very much. I agree, your girlfriend needs to calm it the fuck down, and deal with the fact that she also has body parts and therefore should realize that they aren’t the same as everyone else’s.
Tell her you are happy to take your vagina to someone else who will appreciate it, and that you have the very valid expectation that your girlfriend will respect you and love all of your parts. Also, tell her that Kristin is NOT a fan of her name-calling. #vaginabullying
Dannielle and I have seen a few vaginas in our day, and we can tell you that they all look different. (I included Dannielle to distract you all from realizing that I have seen a vagina.) What I mean to say is this: unless your vagina sings the national anthem on command or has the face of Ross Perot, you are fine and your girlfriend is just acting like an ass. If she doesn’t cut it out, find someone who will make you feel great about yourself and your parts, because that is what you deserve.