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“So, even though I know you are both 'girls who like girls,' maybe you can still help me out. My boyfriend and I have really great sex...but recently he has expressed his interest in trying some other, more kinky stuff. I am not really comfortable with what he wants, and it also makes me feel like what we have been doing wasn't good enough for him. I am not sure what to do, because I want to make him happy. Should I just go with the flow, or try to iron out the kinks?”

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

I meannnnn if you don’t tell him you’re not into it, you’re gonna be doing it forevs and then you’re gonna resent him and then you’re gonna be like (ive said this before) ‘I SAID CRUNCH BERRIES NOT CAPN CRUNCH’ and he’s gonna be all ‘wtf’ you know?

It’s just, in any relaysh, with any ish, if you keep it buried deep down inside and never talk about it, it makes every tiny thing a million times worse… Did that make sense? what am i EVEN SAYING RIGHT NOW.

Just be totes honzies with him. I’m sorry, you guys. Just be totally honest with him. ugh..I’ve been watching too much verymarykate…

OK LET’S TRY THIS AGAIN.

Tell him the truth “babe, i’m into doing fun things and spicing it up, i mean, i LOVE it when you INSERT SPECIFIC THING HERE but I’m just not really into INSERT SPECIFIC THING HERE” this will open up a dialogue where he can say ‘o, that’s not really important to me, but i REALLY LIKE THIS THING’ and you’ll be like ‘i can live with that, but i really don’t like it when we DO THIS THING’ … See, you can both talk about what you like and don’t like and he doesn’t feel like you’re telling him he’s stupid for wanting to do different boney-type-things.

Kristin Says:

“Insert specific thing here” is an interesting choice of words in this context.  I pretty much just pictured you pointing to bodily orifices and saying “I don’t like it when you insert your thing here, however…”  Sorry.  Moving on.

I always feel that there is room for common ground when it comes to people’s likes and dislikes in the naked aisle of relationships.  If he wants to put things in your butt and you are like, “Dude, that feels the opposite of good,” then maybe he can do things that do make you feel good and still involve your butt.  Sorry I am saying ‘butt’ so much…it’s just what has happened and now there is no turning back.

What I mean is, maybe you don’t like the feeling of one specific element of his kinky-interests, but you might surprise yourself and be like, “Hot damn, I don’t like when you put things in my butt, however, when you slap me and call me Sally I GO CRAZY.”  You know?

You just have to keep an open dialogue about it and remember two things: 1) He is not asking for new kinky things because you aren’t good enough.  People like tons of different things, and him asking you to try out new stuff just means that he is comfortable with you, and that is a wonderful thing; 2) Don’t make him feel bad about his interests.  If they don’t feel good to you, you should say so, but also include something like, “Hey, that doesn’t feel great to me, but maybe we can try this? Would that make you happy?”

Iron out those kinks!

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