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"How do I love without the expectation of forever?"

-Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

You love unconditionally and hope for the best. That’s what we all have to do. When it comes down to it, every love we have is uncertain. Anything can happen at any moment and living with the expectation of forever is a little silly, if you ask me.

We have to live for now, and we have to love for now. I’m a firm believer that people come in and out of our lives for a reason. I think we love more than once and in many different ways. I think love is so precious. I think we should never limit the amount with which we love another human.

I understand all those fears that come along with loving someone, I get that…but, you guys, no amount of ‘knowing’ how long you’ll be with someone will make any of those feelings less scary or less feelingy.

When you’re starting to feel overwhelmed with “what ifs” and “what abouts” stop and take a deep breath. Look over at the person you’re whatiffing and remember why you’re with them RIGHT NOW. Who cares about two days from now, love that human now. If it’s supposed to last forever, it will. You will both work hard and compromise and communicate and it will work.

Kristin Says:

The only way to love without the expectation of forever is to know that we never, ever know what our futures will hold. This is a scary, sometimes completely overwhelming thought – but it is the truth. We can plan everything down to the most minute detail; we can get a steady job, have a savings account, date people who we know will help with the laundry and the yard work for that day we have a yard… and the reality is that our plan is never completely ours to execute.

Some of us view that reality in the context of there being a higher power outside of ourselves who has a plan for us. Some of us view that reality by accepting that we cannot control all aspects of life, and that “what will be will be.” Some of us get into the fetal position and cry. All of those responses make sense to me — this shit is scary!

Regardless of how you view the uncertainty of life, though, the most positive approach to loving someone under these circumstances is to appreciate each and every moment for the moment itself. Now – you aren’t the f*cking Dalai Lama, so you aren’t going to be able to do that all the time. I am going to echo Dannielle a bit and say that in those moments when your brain is like HEY ANONYMOUS YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN, you should look back at your brain and say, “Listen brain, I know that. I know that and it scares me, but I cannot control it and right now, in this moment, I am happy.”

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