“So, I did something great for me: I had sexy time with a total hottie. So, yay me. However, said hottie is in an open relationship, which I knew beforehand, and once I was certain of transparency, I went ahead, because hottie. This person is interested in meeting up again, and otherwise I’d be down but – is this weird? Am I now invading on something? To me, once is kosher. More than that seems scandalous. My friends think that it isn’t my responsibility to determine their boundaries. Help.”
- Question submitted by Anonymous
Your friend is totally right! Yay for the hottie! Yay for having smart friends! Yay for all the things!
Here’s the deal: right now you only know two words, and you are basing your feels on those two words. What does “Open” mean?! It could mean a bajillion-trillion things. What does “Relationship” mean?! It could mean a deca-quadrillion things. What does “Dodecahedron” mean?! Just asking in general on that one.
Seriously, tho, maybe Hottie is in a relationship where sex with other humans is totally cool in unlimited quantities but romantic relationships with other humans are not okay, maybe Hottie is in a relationship where other relationships of any kind are totally fine, maybe Hottie can only sleep with people who write into Everyone Is Gay with a question (YOU DID IT YOU PASSED THE TEST!), maybe a lot of things… and you aren’t gonna know a thing until you ask a thing.
So, do this: Respond to Hottie. Go sexy time it the fuck up with Hottie. Go to the bathroom and jump up and down when Hottie isn’t looking bc YAY YOU HAD GR8 SEXY TIME AGAIN. Tell Hottie, “Yo, I enjoyed that very much. I want you to know I am kosher (you like to say kosher, just trying to make this natural) with how things are, and would love to know more about the boundaries in your other relationship!”
Then you LEARN and then Hottie LEARNS (bc btw you also should know what you are doing and what you are okay with and what you aren’t and set those boundaries for yourself!) and everyone gets SEXYTIME.
Open relationships are not weird – we are just taught by THE MAN that we are SUPPOSED to do things one way and only one way. Let me spoiler something for you: THE MAN doesn’t ever get anything right. Ever.
PS: Give your friend a high-five for me. <3
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