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"My past relationships have been with girls with whom I would have super fabulous and interesting conversations with. That is, until we started dating. Within two months the initial "I like you" "I like you too", the majority of our conversations became versions of "I miss you" and "I love you" and the time we spent together centered around sexitime. Mind you, neither of us disliked that time, but it frustrated us that our conversation deteriorated so. This has happened multiple times - thoughts?!"

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

OOOH SET UP DATE NIGHTS!!

I know what you mean, you get home, you cuddle, you eat pizza and watch Grey’s Anatomy, you bone, you go to sleep. IT’S JUST LIFE

however… I think that if once every other day you make dinner and make a point to sit at the table and talk about how your days were, how your life is, when you talked to your parents last… you know what i mean!?

Ask her questions, bring up things you heard at work, plan things, create fun stuff. If you both want to talk more just do it! You can even make up games where you use scrabble letters and have to make up words and you both have to explain what the words mean, and have themes each time. SO LIKE, make up fake words that all have to be scientific theories on how the earth came to be… you  know?

I’M HAVING SO MUCH FUN WITH THIS

Kristin Says:

Yes yes yes yes yes I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND.

My theory on solving this issue runs parallel to Dannielle’s, but I would like to add that you should plan date nights outside of your home(s). I find that when I am in my own space or a space that I am comfortable in, it is much easier to fall into the old routine, click on a movie, or just get absorbed by phone/internet/email/sexitime.

Now. Sexitime is IMPORTANT time when it comes to my life, but of equal importance are the conversations that occur when I am outside of my comfort elements with the person I love. Pick a date night every week, and do things. Go to a museum followed by getting ice cream from an ice cream truck. Pack a picnic and take it to the park. Go on a walk to a new neighborhood and explore. Hit as many thrift stores you can find in one afternoon.

You don’t have to plan for anything apart from that weekly time out of your normal element. The conversations that automatically and organically happen in those spaces are always interesting and unexpected. Stick to it as though your life depends on it, because those weekly moments with each other will be what create the foundation for your relationship moving forward.

Also, my fake scrabble word would be Hyriindshorn. It would be the theory of the world beginning when a rhinoceras headbutted a yellow flower on the neighboring planet, splintering off a piece of land that fell into the milkyway, gathering matter as it went, until it became the planet Earth.

You’re welcome.

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