"My religious parents asked me to give them a list of reasons why I think I'm gay. What should I say that will convince that this is okay? I've already put down the ones that are pretty predictable. (ex: Never liked girls, Always been draw to boys, etc)"
- Question submitted by Anonymous
ooooookaaaayyyy mom and dad.
Anyway, one thing I’ve realized about parents who don’t understand the gay is that they LOVE to make you prove it. Which is ridiculous. They also LOVE to make sure you don’t ever want to get married or have kids (bc that is totally impossible if you’re boning a member of the same sex). They also think it means that you want to be a member of the opposite sex (bc you can only love girls if you are a boy and you can only love boys if you are a girl). They think you’re brainwashed, or trying to rebel. They think you stopped loving Jesus. They also think it means you’re doing drugs. It’s a slippery slope that doesn’t EVER MAKE ANY SENSE…but it happens.
I think the only true way to handle this kind of cray-cray is to listen to them and stand your ground. Don’t ignore them, don’t yell at them, don’t put your headphones in while they’re talking, don’t concede and say you’ll do what they want. Stand your ground. When they tell you it’s a phase or ask you to write a list, tell them it’s not a phase and write a list. Even if the list says ‘I like boys’ ten times in a row, just do it. If you’re like ‘NO, I DONT WANT TO’ then they’re like ‘mmmhmmmm guess you don’t want to because i’m right’ and it just pisses you off even more and sets the whole process back. Just write the stupid list and put things on it that don’t matter and aren’t tru just make you look REALLY GAY so they’ll get over it. (i orignially wrote ‘get ovs’ and kristin thought i meant ‘get ovaries’ soooooooooo)
Here are examples of things you can put on a list: I like boys, i like hairy legs, i like things in my butt, i like ab muscles and firm chests, i like romantic comedies, vaginas are gross, I drink black coffee, I love grilled cheese sandwiches better with ham, the gay couple on modern family make me laugh, i give a thumbs up with my left hand.
That is a really great list of reasons to be gay. Most especially the liking grilled cheese better with ham part.
I know I have said it before, and I know it gives her great satisfaction to hear it repeatedly, but I think Dannielle is right on both points: 1) It is a ridiculous request, 2) It is not conceding your point to make them a list. I would like to add that you should not agonize over finding items that will ‘convince them,’ because it shouldn’t be your job to prove who you are. Just make a list, plain and simple. They will realize after they have the list (probably), that a stupid list doesn’t do anyone any good…but sometimes we have to teach our parents’ things they think they know but they just don’t know, you know?
What I would like to suggest is that you complicate things a little further, and ask them to make a list of why they are straight. It only seems fair. Say, ‘Mom, Dad, I disagree with you needing me to make a list, but I do want to help us get to a place where we understand each other better, so I will make a list. I think it is only fair, thought, for you and Dad to make a list of reasons why you think you are straight. Okay?’
Then when you have a list that says, I fall in love with boys, I am attracted to boys, I can’t imagine kissing a girl, I have thought about boys since I was ten, girls are of no interest to me,’ and they have a list that says, ‘I fall in love with (opposite sex), I am attracted to (opposite sex), I can’t imagine kissing (same sex), I have thought about (opposite sex) my whole life, (same sex) is of no interest to me, and God says it is a sin to be homosexual,’ you can be like…’Okay so we are exactly identical except that you think this is a sin, and I don’t, so why don’t we stop making silly lists and talk about that instead.
Here is a really old entry we posted that has some good resources with handling the religious arguments against homosexuality. I feel like there is a more recent one, but I CAN’T FIND IT. On that note, someday when we have a million employees, or even four, I promise we will make this whole site searchable. #todolistmonday
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