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"Okaayy, so I'm a 14 year old scene kid and a total music geek, and I'm out with a bunch of people as being a lesbian, and my moms bi and has a bunch of gblt friends and I love my own friends, but I never stop being lonely and I've been really depressed for a while even though I feel like I should be happy. Is it normal to feel like this or am I just weird like that?"

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

Feeling absolutely down about yourself at the age of 14 is completely normal. Not to say that it’s cool or exciting or easy, but there are A LOT of people who feel exactly how you feel.

The thing about being a teenager is, you have no idea what you want. You’re still in a stage of being told what to do and where to go and who to hang out with. People make you take tests to define who you are and what you’re doing with your life. You’re not allowed to ride in a car with one friend b/c he hasn’t had his license for over a year, but you CAN ride in a car with a different friend b/c your mom has been friends with his mom and she TRUSTS him. You can’t make your own decisions, because you’re not ‘old enough.’ Everything bad that happens feels a thousand times worse. You’re convinced that no one understands your feelings b/c no one can FEEL what you’re feeling.

We have all had those feelings, and everyone around you has them right now. It’s hard, but it’s a part of life. I don’t know why, but I think hormones do this thing to you where they make you sad as shit for 5 years and then you grow up and you’re like ‘what was i thinking?!?! LIFE RULES!’

For now, do things that make you happy, listen to music, play songs, see concerts, hang out with your friends and play dumb games just to have fun. Keep your head held high and dream big. One day, you’ll look back and be like ‘glad that’s over, but like, if i had to go back, i wouldn’t change a thing.’

Kristin Says:

I think you would be weird if you didn’t feel lonely and sad sometimes…but maybe that is just because I felt the exact same way at fourteen…and I still have moments  like those now.  I think some people are given hearts and minds that see things simply – these are the people who can have unshaking spiritual faith, and who choose not to watch documentaries on the destruction of the planet because they would much rather smile and love those around them and leave it at that.  Then, there are the rest of us.  The people who dig into life and pull it apart and cry over its imperfections and rage at its ignorance – and we question everything.  I have a feeling you might be on the latter side of the fence…and so, if that is the case, I would just tell you to look at the positive things that come of your inner struggle.

There are many days where I wish I could just let it all go, stop asking, and just smile and leave it simply at that…but there are many more days when I appreciate my need to get down and dirty with this insane life that I have been given.  Now, if you are sad all the time and you don’t want to see your friends or find new music or sketch on your sneakers, that is worrisome, and you should talk to someone – probably starting with your mom.  If, however, you are only stumbling into pockets of time when everything feels overwhelming and lonely…then try to rest assured that as you grow you will discover some very meaningful things about yourself within those pockets, and that those discoveries will allow you to appreciate other elements of life very, very deeply.

Either way. write down the way you are feeling.  Nothing helps me more than shuffling back a few months or years in my journal and reading about my personal struggles and how I worked through them.

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