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“I am a cisgender woman. My boyfriend is a transgender man. He likes boys and I like girls and we love each other. Is there a word for that? Can you make one up? Thanks.”

-Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:


For those of you who aren’t as smart as me, cisgender is basically someone who is comfortable in the gender with which they were born. It’s also known as ‘gender normative’ and was invented to be an opposite of transgender. I read a post on genderqueer.tumblr.com about it, mad interesting.

BUT HERE’S THE THING. You are a girl, he is a boy, you are in love. Hands down, no label needed. Why are people so obsessed with figuring out what they’re called? Jesus, you’re in love, be in love and get over it.

*p.s. did you ever think maybe your boyfriend isn’t a TRANSGENDER MAN, he’s just a MAN. calm tf down with your labels.

Kristin Says:

Oh, this is easy.  Your relationship is commonly referred to as “Trancistor Love.”

Except, no it isn’t and I totally made that up.

Dannielle (as usual) is right.  You don’t need to be able to name something to make it real.  You were born a woman and identify as a woman and you like women.  He was born a woman and identifies as a man and likes other men.  Regardless of all of those labels that you already have to sludge through, you love each other.  This is a perfect and amazing example of gender and sexuality being fluid and complex.  Do you like your boyfriend because he is a man?  Because he used to be a woman?  Because he transitioned?  Because he likes boys?  Or because he puts his arm around you in just the right way and holds you tight when you feel sad?

I’d put money on the last one, and I am sure there are elements of all the other reasons, too…but what people don’t seem to understand (not you, specifically, just the world at large) is that no matter how many categories and combinations we label and sort, at the end of the day, we love who we love.

If you’d rather give yourself a name though, I think my invention above is pretty great.

{pats herself on the back}


3 thoughts on “Is there a word for this?

  1. Hey I am a pansexual female but here the problem I feel as if I am acesexual but only toward boys. I am only romantically attracted to boys. But I am both sexually and romantically attracted to girls. Can someone help me please

    1. That’s normal! It sounds like your panromantic and homosexual. You are only sexually attracted to girls, (unless you’re sexually attracted to genderqueer people, in which case you’d be polysexual). There are tons of people who identify that way!

  2. Heya! I’ve been wondering about my sexuality for a long time. You see, i’ve come out as bisexual to some friends and heck, even my dad and sister. But then, I saw this trans guy on youtube and now I have a crush on him. I’m afraid that no one will take me seriously if I tell them about this…
    Either way, if I am pan, I will still probably label myself as bi.
    Sorry if this is weird! BYE!

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