"I’m 17 and my mom won’t let me get a haircut, so my hair is long I feel extremely uncomfortable and self conscious all the time. my mom doesn’t care cause she says I look prettier this way. Its really hard to deal with and I want to just get it cut with out her permission but I have a bad habit of feeling inappropriately guilty about things I do that my parents don’t approve of. What should I do?"
- Question submitted by Anonymous
Usually I’m like “listen to your parents, it’s their house their rules, blah blah boring,” but in this situation… get it cut.
I’M SORRY. Does everyone hate me now??? I just know exactly what it feels like to feel uncomfortable with the way you look. It makes everything else in your life feel stupid. If you don’t feel good about you, you just DON’T feel good.
I remember feeling completely uncomfortable with my hair, my clothes, my body, my skin, my everything. It’s the worst and it took YEARS for me to find a place of comfort within myself. The first step was a haircut. I hate to tell you to disobey your mom, but “sry not sry” as they say, because you have a right to feel confident, and if this is what it takes, please go for it.
ALSO THO, talk to your mom. I know you say your mom doesn’t care, but if you tell her “hey mom, I’m getting my haircut because I don’t feel good about myself with long hair, and it’s making me self-conscious in other areas of my life,” maybe she will understand a little better.
I think you need to get your hair cut.
I am not sure what kind of communication you and your mom have, and how easy or difficult it is for you to express your feelings to her, but I think if I were in your situation I would plan to get it cut (so, like, schedule your hair appointment on a certain day the following week or whatever), and then I would write her a letter before it happens.
I would explain that you have thought a LOT about what she has said to you and how she feels about your hair, but that it is your hair, and your life, and you know what will make you most comfortable. Tell her that it hurt you to hear that she would think you would be any less pretty with a little less hair. Tell her that you feeling good about yourself is (and should always be) more important than her (or anyone else) feeling good about you.
Let’s stop on that point for a second, shall we? How ANYONE else feels about the way you look should ALWAYS come second to how you feel about yourself. Remember that.
She is your mom, so I know how things can feel tricky and guilt-ridden in these situations… but she is wrong. I know I am not a mom, but I am a 32-year-old grown-ass lady, and I am a person, and I can tell you that you are old enough and smart enough and know enough about yourself to make the choices you need to make in order to feel comfortable in your own skin.
Hopefully, your mom will read that letter and she will begin to understand what this means to you, and to see the err in her ways. If so, great. If not, go forward with what you need to do for you, and continue to be open with her as much as possible about how her resistance is affecting you.
I am REALLY excited about your haircut.
Go get ‘em.