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“Today a "friend" of mine announced to the whole friggin' world (aka my school) that I am a lesbian.
Firstly, I am actually bisexual. Way to get your facts wrong.
Secondly, I am, or rather was, in the closet to all but five very close friends who figured it out on their own because they have super-sensitive gaydars, and I really don't want to be dragged out of the closet.
Finally, he was very insensitive about it.
I got really upset and almost cried, which automatically made me very defensive. I ended up saying things to him that I probably shouldn't have said.
The whole rest of the day I was questioning whether I really had any reason to be mad at him. Should I apologize to him for the not-very-nice things I said, and should I forgive him for outing me?”

-Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

This story isn’t mine, but I’m going to tell it b/c it changed my life and the way I see things. My best friend in college *James was the quirky gay guy in his high school. James knew this guy, *sam, who was a total ‘mo, and he thought it was stupid that Sam wouldn’t tell people. So one day, James confronted Sam and basically told him ‘I know you’re gay, you might as well come out.’ Sam got super defensive and upset, he was gay, of course, but he wasn’t ok with it. The next night Sam killed himself and no one understood why, except James, who, TO THIS DAY feels responsible. The point is, don’t out people, it’s fucked up. You have absolutely NO RIGHT to tell anyone how they feel. Your friend is a completely selfish douchebag and he deserved whatever it is you said to him. OMG I’M SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW YOU GUYS! *names changed, duh.

Kristin Says:

You have every right to be angry! I am angry for you. What your friend did is completely unacceptable, dangerous, and insensitive.  You have no reason to feel wrong for being upset with him, and you should not feel obligated to either apologize for your words or to immediately forgive him. If this person means a lot to you and you want to forgive him, then you should talk to him and let him know that, but you should be firm in the fact that you feel betrayed and hurt, and that it will take a while for him to be able to regain your trust.  If you need to, share Dannielle’s story with him; let him know that someone’s sexual preferences are personal and complex, and that he should take much more care with these things in the future. PS: After you talk to him, go buy yourself an ice cream cone.  Regardless of the intensity of the situation, sweet sugary goodness always helps me feel better.


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